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I don't think I'm depressed but I'm told I show signs

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Posted 9/24/2007 7:59 PM (GMT 0)
I've been moody and irritable lately and may cry unexpectedly.  I have insecurities with my current relationship but I don't feel I'm depressed.  When I think of depression I think someone who sleeps a lot and is sad all the time and lose of appetite. 

I have no change in my appetite and I'm not sleeping all the time.  I have a lot of unsecurities especially in the relationship I'm currently in.  I am moody and the last two weeks I've cried unexpectedly....no idea why I start crying but can't stop.  Some people at work have noticed changes in me.  I've been quieter (I'm a quiet person anyway) and withdrawn from conversations. 

I don't always feel this way, it just happens off and on but it's starting to make me feel 'crazy'.  I have a three year old and I find myself snapping at her. 

I have talked to a counselor a few times but I can't shake these feelings.

I just don't like how I'm feeling.

 

 

Posted 9/24/2007 10:30 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Up & Down, It sounds like it is possible that you are depressed. Crying a lot and being moody could be signs of depression. it might help to talk more with your counselor and learn more of what is going on. Relationships are tricky and can cause you to feel depressed or uneasy. You will have lots of support on this forum. Everyone here is so helpful and wish you only the best. Maybe write some more posts and get your feelings out and that may help you. Try not to take your feelings out on your child. A child doesn't know what is wrong and may feel they are being punished. I know this is easy to say but I think if you can talk to us here on the forum you may find some answers. Good luck and let us know how you are doing. We care.
Posted 9/25/2007 12:31 AM (GMT 0)
I am, in no way belittling these feelings, but...is there a possibility you can be experiencing PMS? Do you find that you get 'weepy' at certain times? I noticed that happening to me---also a whole bunch of other 'things' that I never had happen (until after I had children)--then, a couple days later---I would get my period! But, in any event---you should continue to talk w/ your counselor--or doctor about this---

I agree with Aurora---write more posts to get your feelings out---I actually journal a lot (but I suffer from a lot of anxiety)---and it does help! And, please try not to snap at your daughter----she's just a babe---and is probably wondering what she can do to help you! Please keep posting here---this is a wonderful forum! Cyber hugs....
Posted 9/25/2007 3:20 AM (GMT 0)

Aurora60 said...
Hi Up & Down, It sounds like it is possible that you are depressed. Crying a lot and being moody could be signs of depression. it might help to talk more with your counselor and learn more of what is going on. Relationships are tricky and can cause you to feel depressed or uneasy. You will have lots of support on this forum. Everyone here is so helpful and wish you only the best. Maybe write some more posts and get your feelings out and that may help you. Try not to take your feelings out on your child. A child doesn't know what is wrong and may feel they are being punished. I know this is easy to say but I think if you can talk to us here on the forum you may find some answers. Good luck and let us know how you are doing. We care.

Thank you for your response. I wouldn't say I'm crying a lot just once in a while (out of the blue). One day in the car with my friend, he said something funny and I laughed but then it turned into tears. Another day I was reading a book and there was a sad part and I wanted to cry and cry. I don't feel it was the story that made me want to cry that much. Then one day at work (last week) I felt irritated about something stupid. My mother called me about something else and I discussed what I was feeling with her - didn't feel like I was going to cry while talking to her but when I hung up the phone the tears were there. I went in to my boss's office and the tears just wouldn't stop. It doesn't feel like a 'normal' cry. It feels a little out of control. I wanted to stop crying but I couldn't stop it, I couldn't suck it back.

I divorced in 2005 (husband was cheating...not for the first time). I went to a counselor twice after the divorce because I felt like a huge failure. I met someone new in 2006. Everything was good until the one year mark and then I started feeling insecure. I'm not a very secure person anyway. I have terrible trust issues. I went back to the counselor four more times this year. One of those times my boyfriend went with me. It's just been the last two weeks that my emotions feel out of control.

My daughter is my world. The past two weeks I've not been as patient as I should with her and I know it's not her fault. Example when I comb her hair in the morning and she's not sitting still I raised my voice and said sit still! No reason to do that and then I felt so bad. I'm counting to 10 now so I don't raise my voice with her for no good reason. She is such a good girl.

I just want to find the root of these emotions.
Posted 9/25/2007 3:33 AM (GMT 0)

hopeisreal said...
I am, in no way belittling these feelings, but...is there a possibility you can be experiencing PMS? Do you find that you get 'weepy' at certain times? I noticed that happening to me---also a whole bunch of other 'things' that I never had happen (until after I had children)--then, a couple days later---I would get my period! But, in any event---you should continue to talk w/ your counselor--or doctor about this---

I agree with Aurora---write more posts to get your feelings out---I actually journal a lot (but I suffer from a lot of anxiety)---and it does help! And, please try not to snap at your daughter----she's just a babe---and is probably wondering what she can do to help you! Please keep posting here---this is a wonderful forum! Cyber hugs....

I do notice during PMS my moods change but not as strong as they have recently. I am on a birth control pill so I know when it's coming. It's just stronger and lasting longer than normal - the moodiness and emotions. After the birth of my daughter my doctor suggested I go on some medication for baby blues. I just couldn't do it. I thought it would mean I was a failure. So I worked through it on my own. It was awful. I don't want to feel like that again. I just keep thinking this will pass. I'm an insecure person and especially with the new relationship. I was with my ex husband from 1992 to 2005. He was my first everything. Now I'm in my second ever relationship and realizing I have no experience. I have hugh trust issues as my ex cheated on me more than once. I think my insecurities with my current boyfriend are the reasons behind my emotions.

I know I need to say more but it's such a downer to talk about.

Maybe I will write more later. Sometimes the more I write the more confused I am and sound. I'm just not good with words or expressing myself.
Posted 9/25/2007 3:37 AM (GMT 0)

up and down,

Aurora has given you some good advice.  We are glad to have you here with us.  We try to be a very caring, loving group, somewhat like a family.  I'm glad to hear you are doing the count to 10 thing with your daughter.  Could you manage to have some more regular visits with your therapist for right now to get you over this hump?

As someone else mentioned, please keep coming back and posting.  We are here for you.

Hugs!

Carla

Posted 9/25/2007 9:50 AM (GMT 0)
Hi there and Welcome to HealingWell!

Depression is certainly a possibility but it is not the only one. I know you have spoken to a therapist about this, but have you spoken to a doctor/psychologist? They are the best people to be able to diagnose the signs and symptoms that you have. Aurora and Carla have made some good points and talking here on HW is a great way to get your feelings out. For some people it is enough to help give them a lift because they feel that someone is listening to them. Because we have members from all around the world, (Carla and Aurora are from the US, I am from the UK and I am sure we have someone from Australia but I might be making that up!) there is usually someone around.

Keep Posting!

Darren

Posted 9/25/2007 7:05 PM (GMT 0)

Up and down

I can tell the way you write that you aren't sure what to think of yourself. As you keep saying. I can understand the trust issue, as I have this same issue. I had never realized it until a friend told me they could tell. After thinking about it, I realized I did have trust issues. And that is ok. I started going to a therapist and the thing she tells me over and over again is that I am NOT a failure. Just because I am depressed doesn't mean I did anything wrong and it doesn't define who I am. It is just a bump in the road, but I can overcome it with time. She always says that it does NOT make me a failure. And the same is true for you. Just because you could be depressed or have certain feelings doesn't mean you are a failure. Because it reality you are not a failure.

I think you should talk more with your counselor. Mine has helped a lot. Think about the different possiblities and try to find yourself. Try to figure out your feelings. Discuss them. Write them down. Maybe keep a journal and write in it what you are feeling and why. This place is great(like many have told you!) because if you feel like you need to say something you can just say it. Vent if you need to. It might help. It helps me. Sometimes you just feel better letting it all out.

And I also want you to know that you are not crazy! Even if you may feel like you are, you aren't! And you are not a failure! So just remember that!

I wish you all the best! And hope you can find some answers! Take care!

Posted 9/26/2007 12:19 AM (GMT 0)

Hi up and down, welcome to healing well forum, we are glad to have you join us here.

When I read your very first post it sounded much like my own depression and how I feel when it hits me.  I also am an insecure person with relationships (divorced too) and find I dont like to dwell too much on my emotions or the way I feel since it is always so confusing too me...always has been so it is much easier to ignore I guess.  But then comes the crying for no reason, and being irritable, moody, quite and distant from others.  My eating habits never have changed and I havent been one for laying around sleeping either.  There are many different depression diagnosis and some are way more severe than others so that they basically cant function.

I ended up spiraling down to a very dangerous place in my depression in just a matter of a few days.  That was when I knew I needed to get my behind into the doctor for some sort of help.  I started to see a psychiatrist 2 yrs who did a major overhaul on my medication and I have never felt better mentally.  So like djdaz, I also strongly encourage anyone who feels they may be having some depressive signs or symptoms to please seek some help.  It can be very dangerous to just let this go and really you dont have to continue to feel this way.

Please do keep posting and letting us know how your doing.  Take care

Posted 9/26/2007 2:05 AM (GMT 0)

els said...
Hi up and down, welcome to healing well forum, we are glad to have you join us here.

When I read your very first post it sounded much like my own depression and how I feel when it hits me. I also am an insecure person with relationships (divorced too) and find I dont like to dwell too much on my emotions or the way I feel since it is always so confusing too me...always has been so it is much easier to ignore I guess. But then comes the crying for no reason, and being irritable, moody, quite and distant from others. My eating habits never have changed and I havent been one for laying around sleeping either. There are many different depression diagnosis and some are way more severe than others so that they basically cant function.

I ended up spiraling down to a very dangerous place in my depression in just a matter of a few days. That was when I knew I needed to get my behind into the doctor for some sort of help. I started to see a psychiatrist 2 yrs who did a major overhaul on my medication and I have never felt better mentally. So like djdaz, I also strongly encourage anyone who feels they may be having some depressive signs or symptoms to please seek some help. It can be very dangerous to just let this go and really you dont have to continue to feel this way.

Please do keep posting and letting us know how your doing. Take care

I'm still so confused with the whole depression thing. I think I'm just really insecure and have hugh trust issues because of my ex that have carried over to my current relationship. I'm so moody. I feel like I'm looking for signs of cheating and am suspicious. I hate feeling this way. I feel like if I go to my doctor she will tell me I need to learn how to trust.

Don't I have to fix this. Medication isn't going to make me start trusting or take away my insecurities is it?? I question if I should just break up with him. Maybe he's not the one, maybe I shouldn't be with anyone since I have these issues. I just feel like I'm supposed to fix this myself but don't know how. What's even worse....I may be fine for a few days and then something happens and I get moody again. It still makes me feel a little crazy.
Posted 9/26/2007 11:23 AM (GMT 0)

Hi there,

I dont think breaking up with him will make much difference to the issue. I would think (and having never had a relationship, I am going off what people tell me!) that it would be easier to iron out these problems with someone by your side. That way you have the support of someone close to you and you can also see how you were doing because you are in the relationship. You are right in saying that meds will not make the problem go away, but meds can give you the boost you need to help you sort them out. Once they are sorted, you can then come off the meds (If you know what I mean!) Seeking professional help is something I would seriously consider.

Keep us posted

Darren

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