returning to life after a suicide attempt

Hello~

I have been a member of Healing Well for quite a while, but this is my first post.
I am 36 years old and have suffered from depression and anxiety (possibly bipolar now) for over 20 years.
I was first diagnosed about 13 years ago. I have tried many medications and combinations of them. I have had the most success with Effexor, which I've been on for close to 10 years, but I've still continued to have an almost constant low level of depression (dysthymia) with recurrent major depressive episodes.

This October, the pain became unbearable, and two weeks ago I attempted suicide. I did not plan it in advance.
I was hospitalized for 3 days in a non-psychiatric unit, and after being physically stabilized, I was discharged. I was cleared by a regular MD and psychiatrist, on the conditions that I would be with people 24 hours a day, that I had a follow up appointment with a doctor (I was in the process of changing doctors when I was hospitalized), and that I would return to talk therapy, something I hadn't been doing regularly for a long time.

For the past two weeks I have spent Monday through Friday at my parents' house, as they are semi-retired and someone is always home. On the weekends I have come home to be with my husband, as he works full time during the week. I have my appointment with the new doctor this Tuesday, Nov 13.

My question is this: How does one return to everyday life after being out of it for so long? I feel so removed from everything: other people, activities, everything. Every little thing takes so much energy, I find myself exhausted and just wanting to sleep, which is how I spent most of the month of October. My husband thinks that I should go into at least a partial hospitalization program, if not inpatient. Does anyone have any advice on how to start to live again when it all seems so overwhelming?

Thank you in advance,
Gi

gigi

Welcome to Healing Well. You asked:

"How does one return to everyday life after being out of it for so long?"

I believe your on the road to recovery and the how in my mind is by taking baby steps. Be good to yourself and set your goals but make them attainable.  If you have a bit of a bump in the road do not take that as a failure, we all have them.

The advice given by the others is excellent,  we all support you and keep posting.

Kitt

Gigi,

I was once that depressed, about 13 years ago when my ex-husband left me.  I can remember the smallest task like washing my hair or taking a bath seemed like a major ordeal.  I was in therapy on a regular basis, but still getting back into the real world was so hard.  I had my daughters, but they were at the age that they had their own lives.  I don't know what I would have done without my friends back then, and of course, God.

You are so lucky to have the support of your husband and your parents.  Don't expect to feel back to normal over night.  You didn't get this depressed over night.  Meet with your doctor and see what he thinks you need to do.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with going into in-patient treatment. 

Back then, even though I was seeing my psychiatrist a couple times a week, I wasn't ready to face divorce court just yet and felt that I needed in-patient treatment and that I needed to get as far away from here as possible.  By this time I had found out that my ex-husband had left me for someone else and I was just dying inside.  I couldn't even concentrate, so with the help of friends, we found a hospital out in CA and a friend got me on a plane and I was on my way.  Thank goodness the hospital sent someone to meet me at LAX because I was like a lost little girl carrying her teddy bear.

I was lucky enough to get the best therapist any one could hope for.  Her name was Jeannie. As a matter of fact, I continued my therapy with Jeanne over the phone for several years until I no longer needed to do so any longer.  After I stayed my 30 days, I still didn't want to come back home and face the music, so I rented a place in Laguna Beach and boy, did I run up those credit cards, just me and Teddy.  I did that for 30 days and my friends were calling me and calling me wanting to know when I was coming home.  Finally, my best friend flew out for a week and brought me back home and back to reality.  Somebody had to do it.  She had been to treatment for depression herself so she kind of knew what it was like.

Gigi, I don't think I would still be here had I not gone for the 30 days in-patient treatment for depression.  It could be very healing for you as well.  I certainly do not think you have anything to lose by trying it.  If you need to email me, just click on my name.

Love and Prayers,

Carla

Hi Carla & Shy,

Carla - thank you for sharing your story with me. I am glad you had the love and support of your friends to get you through that time. I am currently looking for new doctors, both a new psychiatrist and a primary care MD. I wanted to change psychiatrists before I ended up in the hospital, b/c I thought I needed a doctor with a new approach. I really liked the psychiatrist I spoke with when I was in the hospital - he was the head of psychiatry dept. there - I'm going to see if he's in my insurance plan. I do think I need some kind of program - if not inpatient, then a partial hospitalization day program.

Shy - My appointment went very well. I really like this doctor. He did some tests and took a sonogram of my thyroid and determined that I do have hypothyroid. I have started on a very small dose of thyroid medication. I'm also going to have the exact levels of neurotransmitters in my system evaluated so that they can be treated/balanced individually to be at their optimal levels for me. I go back to see him in 3 weeks. And no need to worry, I haven't had internet access most of the week, so I wasn't able to reply sooner.

Again, thank you so much for your concern, suggestions, and insights.
More than anything I appreciate your understanding.

Gi

Hi Gigi I can really relate to what you are going through. Last year I suffered severe depression and was completley removed from everything in my life and had no emotion for anyone or anything. I took an overdose and spent 3 days in ICU, 2 days in hospital and then 4 months in a psychiatric hospital which was the best thing that ever happened to me as it help me to get my life back. I really was in the deepest darkest hole. My partner, family and friends didnt matter and all I wanted was to not be here anymore. I was started on effexor in hospital and still take that now, my doses get tinkered with occasionally but at the moment I take 225mg a day. The thing with depression is that it really does grind you down. Its as bad as having a physical illness, if not worse sometimes. Its so easy to stay in bed and want to give up. The first month of me being in hospital, that is all I did. I was encouraged to start getting up and doing things and being involved in activities and I soon learned that even though I didnt want to do anything, when I had done it I did feel better for it. Medication does serve its purpose with this illness but the rest of the recovery needs to come from the person an this can be so hard, im not saying its easy. Int he end, I really tried so hard to get well and I pushed and pushed my self to do little things each day. Having a small goal each day is a good way to start. The more you actually do and the more you try, the quicker you get better. I did exercise, yoga, art and everything else going in hospital. It was a very slow recovery but I did get there. Your eally think that you will never get well but you do. Its not an easy road and there are usually many bumps in the road along the way but with support, understanding and perserverance I am sure you will get well. I can really understand how you are feeling so much. Be good and kind to yourself and take small seps but try to set that goal each day and you will feel better for achieveing something. Take care

misspstink said...
I wish I had the support of my friends. they all just sort of disappeared when things got sticky with me. I really feel like they have betrayed me in every way. Turned their backs on me. you are lucky to have had such good friends.

another day said...

Gigi,

I was once that depressed, about 13 years ago when my ex-husband left me.  I can remember the smallest task like washing my hair or taking a bath seemed like a major ordeal.  I was in therapy on a regular basis, but still getting back into the real world was so hard.  I had my daughters, but they were at the age that they had their own lives.  I don't know what I would have done without my friends back then, and of course, God.

You are so lucky to have the support of your husband and your parents.  Don't expect to feel back to normal over night.  You didn't get this depressed over night.  Meet with your doctor and see what he thinks you need to do.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with going into in-patient treatment. 

Back then, even though I was seeing my psychiatrist a couple times a week, I wasn't ready to face divorce court just yet and felt that I needed in-patient treatment and that I needed to get as far away from here as possible.  By this time I had found out that my ex-husband had left me for someone else and I was just dying inside.  I couldn't even concentrate, so with the help of friends, we found a hospital out in CA and a friend got me on a plane and I was on my way.  Thank goodness the hospital sent someone to meet me at LAX because I was like a lost little girl carrying her teddy bear.

I was lucky enough to get the best therapist any one could hope for.  Her name was Jeannie. As a matter of fact, I continued my therapy with Jeanne over the phone for several years until I no longer needed to do so any longer.  After I stayed my 30 days, I still didn't want to come back home and face the music, so I rented a place in Laguna Beach and boy, did I run up those credit cards, just me and Teddy.  I did that for 30 days and my friends were calling me and calling me wanting to know when I was coming home.  Finally, my best friend flew out for a week and brought me back home and back to reality.  Somebody had to do it.  She had been to treatment for depression herself so she kind of knew what it was like.

Gigi, I don't think I would still be here had I not gone for the 30 days in-patient treatment for depression.  It could be very healing for you as well.  I certainly do not think you have anything to lose by trying it.  If you need to email me, just click on my name.

Love and Prayers,

Carla

Misspstink, It makes me so sad to know that you feel so lonely.  Please know that you are now a part of a family and group of friends here on HealingWell.  Please reach out to us any time.  There is usually someone around since people post from all over the world.  A lot of us have our email addresses attached to our names if you need to reach us that way also.  If you need to reach me, please put something in the subject line about HealingWell so I will know who it is from.

I also want to welcome you to HealingWell.  We all try to help each other here.  I bet you will be surprised, but you will find that you will be able to help others as well.  I know the holidays are a tough time.

Are you seeing a therapist or a psychiatrist in addition to the medication you are taking?  Please keep in touch with us.  We do care about you.

Big Hugs!

Carla

 

Hello Gigi,

Checking in with you to see how you are doing?  How is therapy going for you?

I know we are in the holiday season and sometimes that stresses people out so please know we are here for you and post when you can.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt