HELP!!! Will there ever be an end to this?????

Marriage has ups and downs. Sickness and in health. I meant it when I said this over 20 years ago and still do, but when do you stop and call it a day?

We had a great 2 days. Worked on his job stuff. It seemed like he finally turned a corner. Then last night he was up all night--anxiety--vomitting and all. I was right there with him, telling him was ok. Getting him tums/gasx/etc. This morning I gave him a pep talk. I went out for an appt when I cam back he was still in bed. He then told me a huge lie. I caught him in the lie--and he told me he lied to make me proud of him. I had told him Sunday night how proud I was of his commitment to change. He had two really good days, then the work week came into view--and he could not handle it. He called in sick. He is on probation. There is no way he will be able to keep his job. His boss does not know that he is treating for depression and anxiety. I screamed and yelled and ranted and raved and begged,  but I still could not get him out of bed to go to work. How am I going to support our family? How can I keep it all together? Should I change the locks and pack his bags? Will that work???

He is taking his meds. His outlook seems good, it is just that he does not want to make good choices. His psychiatrist told him he is no longer depressed, he just does not want to make appropriate choices. Husband said he does not understand why his brain works the way it does. his therapist told him not to worry about his brain functioning, just do the right thing and not worry about how his brain is working.

I do not want to live like this anymore. I need peace. My children need a father who is there for them and not in bed. He has abandoned us. We go to the therapist and he says he will go to work then he does not. There is no place for him to go--but he needs to leave. His parents live far away. His brother does not speak with him. I can not burden our friends with him.

I am at a loss.

wifeofdepression,

shynsassy feels that I can relate to you. I hope you do not mind. I am enclosing a little bit about my situation...


My husband has been diagnosed with severe depression. He hid this from me until after our marriage. Now all he does is lay in bed doing absolutely nothing. He refuses to seek help. I've contacted his doctors, the police, nurses, and crises intervention. All said they would not do anything as he is not a threat to himself or others.
I feel not bathing for 2 weeks, not eating (maybe a piece of toast all day), losing so much weight, and a complete lack of interest in anything constitutes a harm to himself and stated this to all of them.
He takes 120 milligrams of Cymbalta a day. He also is on the durasegic patch--50 that he changes every 3 days, Ambien (for sleeping yet I told the doctor that he sleeps 18+ hours a day with just the Cymbalta).
I just want to know if anyone else has had these side effects.
Thanks for listening.

After reading your "letters" I feel we do have a lot in common. Please feel free to email me. I do not see anyone as I do not have insurance. I do not believe my husband has the capability to see/understand the consequences of his actions, or should I say his lack of action.
Christmas use to be a happy time for me but not this year.

wifeofdepression,

Thanks for responding,

However,

1. I've counted all his many pills and have informed (both verbally and faxed them all a letter) that he is abusing the pills. For example, he took 12 Percoset in less than 24 hours (our wedding day). This doctor stopped them for now as I told them a lawyer was involved. The VA which is governmentally run just prescribed more of different meds.

2. I've stopped going to most of his appointments. I've told all the doctors my side and they refuse to listen.
For example, the psychiatrist asked him if he bathes every day. He bathes about once a week, sometimes once every two weeks. Of course he'll bathe right before his appointment so he appears clean. He said yes.
I said no and explained. The doctor wrote that he bathes daily.

3. I've not called and left a voice mail as I am not sure of the ramifications for me (herassment?)

4. I have called his friends. He does not have many due to his behavior. When one from NY came to talk to him he made sure he was on his best behavior. He is a genuine con man....

It looks like we're in the same boat....

Rosebud and wifeofdepression,
Don't you two think it is way cool that you found eachother? I sure do. Thanks to Healingwell depression forum. This place is so helpful and all of the people are wonderful.
I am so glad that you found eachother, I think you are going to help eachother.
Just wanted to say that.
hugs,
getting by