sad and alone

Hi Confused,
First of all, you are not worthless. You are smart for one thing, look how far you have come in with your studies. You are a good person, I can tell. It sounds like your guyfriend's gf is jealous. That you can't control. She is probably putting pressure on him so he is afraid to talk to you and I am sure that is only temporary.
It is up to you whether you are going to put up with your ex or not. He does sound like he is using you for sex, but that is your decision if you want to participate or not.
Your friend sounds like she is stressed out. It just seems like it is all happening at the same time and is overwhelming at this point.
You are so welcome to vent here, and we are more than happy to listen. I think that if these situations weren't happening at the same time that it wouldn't be so hard to deal with. Plus you have exams and it is that much more stressful.
The holidays are here so every body is under some type of pressure, wouldn't it be nice if it wasn't that way? Just kick back and relax if you can, forget about what your mom said. That just isn't true. You will make it. Try to spend some relaxing quality time with yourself right now and think of all the good things that you have accomplished, and I am sure there are a lot! Maybe take a nice long bath or listen to some of your favorite music. These people will come around I am sure. You are a smart, kind and compassionate person who deserves to be loved and treated nice. You can be the first to be good to yourself.
Keep us posted,
We are here for you,
you are special,
hugs,
getting by

Confused,

Like the others said, this is a very stressful time for a student, including your friends.  I'm sure your friends do not understand depression, which doesn't help you at all.  I really can't believe your mother said that to you.  So, like Darren said, use that as motivation to prove her wrong.  You've made it to grad school, so you are certainly not a quitter.

A lot of us suffering from depression have a hard time during the holidays and I think students dealing with depression have a tough time during first semester finals more so than spring ones because of the holidays.

Please know we are here for you and consider us your HealingWell family.

Take care!

Carla

wow. what you said about your friend really reminds me of a situation i always deal with. i have this friend and we used to be really really close but not as much anymore. some days she'll be really nice and try and help me and knows im sad so shes just always being a good friend, but then the next day we'll fight all the time and she'll tell me im stupid, ugly, and i dont have a future(cause i too failed a class im in college). i get really frusterated cause i dont know who/what to believe and its such a downer. so i try to stay away from people with bad influence.
i dont even take meds though im going to try to, but people always take note of how "sad, serious, or quiet" i am and always bring it to my attention.
i just give people space because i need time for myself to collect my thoughts and pull myself together so im not such a debbie downer in other peoples presence. just give them some time. and dont give your ex sex anymore because youre better than that and you shouldnt have to resort to that. if he cant deal being friends with you without that, its not worth it. i hope all works out :)

hi. she never said i was ugly or stupid. she actually used to say i was beautiful. she was a really good friend. she just said that i was annoying and had a problem and i needed help. she also said shes sick of me crying and complaining and cant be my friend anymore. and before she said that to me she told me she wanted space..so i did give her some space but i still wished her luck on exams.. and she took it offensively. do you think she'll ever talk to me again? :-(

thank you so much. yea im trying. its just hard. im not as motivated and dont get as much done as i used to. im also more irritable and find myself taking things my friends and family say REALLY personally. i wish i wasnt like this.

Hi Confused,
There is nothing wrong with you, you are who you want to be. Really. The person that we want to be like is the person we really are. You just haven't found her yet. You will in time and it wont be scarey, you will just realize it one day.
Being sad is a part of depression and it is okay. We go through that. We want to feel loved and you are. Just because your friend wants a little space doesn't mean she doesn't love you. She just probably wants to study and is a little nervous about exams. Are you studying too? When people see you as strong, it is in their nature to want to be around that person more. Be strong, just do what you need to do for yourself (not as in selfish) to be happy and healthy and smart. I know you have these qualities.
Do you see a counselor or therapist? Can you tell them how you feel and what you are going through when you feel sad? I have been in some type of counseling most of my life, and I am getting old.LOL.
What you are going through is normal for depression. It is hard. I get sad for no reason at all. Some people just don't understand it because they've never been through it. I also sleep. I could sleep for days when I am depressed. The crying is normal, though I feel crying is healthy. It releases emotions that need to be let out. So you are normal for a depressed person. You feel the need to have approval from your friends when you feel sad. Do you need that when you are not sad? Or do you just go on with your own thing?
Either way, you don't need approval from anybody even when you are depressed. You are you. And that is a very special person. A kind person, a sensitive person, a good person. A person worthy of love and kindness and compassion. You need to keep telling yourself this over and over.
/Why do you feel something is wrong with you just because she needs a little bit of space? That doesn't mean that anything is wrong with you. It just means, as she said, she needs space. So just give her some space and see what happens.
Just don't put it all on you. Thinking because somebody doesn't like you because they didn't talk to you. Maybe they had something on their mind that day, or didn't feel good, or had a fight at home and just didn't want to talk to anybody at that time. We just don't know what is going on in anothers head so we have to give them the benefit of a doubt. If it is bothering us then go and say hi again, sometimes I just put it to a hard day and let it go. Then when I see that person again they usually say hi like they would of if they felt good the first time around. There is so much to consider. Just because we assume something, doesn't always make it so. We should never assume that somebody doesn't like us unless they come out and say so. Because you never can tell. And in the meantime you are building things up in your mind assuming all kinds of things that could so easily be wrong,
Stay strong honey, It is normal to want to be loved and have someone there for you when you are depressed. Though I am opposite., when I am depressed, I lilke to be alone. But that is normal for you because that is what you want. And wanting love isn't wrong. We all want love and nurturing at times.
Remember now, Don't ever forget this, You are not worthless. You are as worthy as much as any other person on this earth. Please don't think that you are worthless. I think that you may feel insecure at times and that makes you think that you feel worthless. That is something you could talk to a therapist about and they could explain it in ways that I probably can't.
I just want you to love your self.
Keep me posted if you will, I love to talk to you.
gentle hugs
getting by

Honey,
You definately don't sound overweight. It is so hard when your parents put you down, but you have to ignore them. My mother use to make fun of me because I use to be tall and skinny, now I am tall and fat.LOL, I am not really fat but I feel fat so I am self conscious about it. I have a lot of muscle so my weight is high, and I do have some body fat over top of the muxcle but my jeans still fit so I don't feel as bad as I do sometimes. But I found out my mother was jealous of me, picture that, being jealous over your own child, but it does happen. I can imagine how it feels to have mom and dad picking on you. Men like women with meat on their bones, so remember that. I am not saying you are looking for a man but it could be a good comeback if need be. I would just ignore it though.
Please don't hate your life, I know how that feels, it is so hard especially at this time of the year. The holidays can be so stressful on top of everything else. Just take things slow and do some self nurturing.
Is it possible that your mom and dad want you to feel insecure so you don't move out of the house? Are you thinking of making any changes that they are afraid of losing control? Sometimes people tend to try to manipulate others into doing what they would like without even realizing what they are doing. Meaning they don't even realize they are hurting your feelings. I hope that they don't continue this to the point of anienating you. I wish they could see how prescious a good relationship between parents and their children is so they wouldn't take it for granted.
I hope that you feel better soon, you are a kind and considerate person worthy of love by others and of yourself.
Please never forget that.
hugs,
getting by