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Just trying to survive day by day Post Traumatic Stress & Major Depression

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Posted 12/15/2007 6:08 AM (GMT 0)
I suffer with Major depression with recurring episodes.  when my mom died it kind of put me over the edge, my granddaughter was molested at 3 years old and over the edge again. Do ya'll ever wonder when will it all end.  I get tired of the fight.  It seems like it would be easier just to check on out. I have crummy health, diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, Expecially severe MIGRAINES,  I am just plain tired, it is getting to be to hard. I go to a mental health center for 4 hours a day about 3-5 days a week and that is what has saved my life up to now.  I don't do the holidays good, Christmas was my moms favorite time of the year, and since she passed away in 1999 it just does not seem right. Thanks for listening, God bless all and have a Safe Holiday.
Posted 12/15/2007 7:38 AM (GMT 0)
Hello Cabingirl,

Ohhhh...those are such hard losses - losing your mom and the grief of what happened to your grand daughter. I lost my dad when I was only 24 and I am 36 now. It is very traumatic to lose someone you love, and I think it's normal that you miss her at Christmas moreso. There are no pat answers, but I hope you have loved ones you can spend the holidays with so that you will at least be surrounded with love this time of year. Maybe you could try and do something in remembrance of your mom each Christmas, like light a candle or write a letter or whatever helps you. I still feel sad when I remember my dad, but what helps me is to realize the gift it was to have had the time with him I did. Forgive me if this sounds simplistic, as I know the pain can run so deep and my words are not adequate, but just know I care for how you are feeling right now.

Is there anything in life that makes you feel good and helps you connect with the light and joy of being alive? Do you enjoy sunsets? Or music? Have you tried journalling? Do you like animals? Maybe just trying to take some time each day to connect with teh goodness of life will be a little help. By the way, if you do a google search and type in the words 'the goodness of life" there is a video clip that will come up and it really comforts me when I am feeling like 'what's the use' etc. Please don't check out. Because even though I know some days it might seem easier to just give up, you are in this world for a purpose. Your soul is precious and you have a laughter and a kindness that flows out from you that is unique to you, and even if you might not feel like it, you are making a difference here. I really believe that!

And yeah, if you happen to read my threads here, you will know that I also wonder when all the hard times are gonna end and the sun shine bright again. But I also know that even in my struggles, there are still those things that don't go away which make life beautiful and good - today for me it was the birds singing just when I needed it.

I notice you signed your post "God bless" - maybe it might be a good time to read some of the Psalms in the bible? Or maybe just get a nice comfy blanket, a good cup of yoru favorite tea and a good book - or a funny movie - or maybe a nice hot bubble bath - just something that will bring you some good comfort or inspiration. It's not goign to solve things or make all the pain just stop, but your soul might appreciate the hug, ya know?

I have some health issues too - again, I don't have nor want to give pat answers, but if you're interested, you could always look into some natural alternatives that might help your health improve some. I know diet changes and a few key supplements have made a world of difference for me. But that is totally up to you. Just thought I'd mention it.

Sorry for such a long post. I have a hard time keeping things short. :-)

Hope your holidays will be gentle and that you can cry the tears you need to, while at the same time finding the hope that is still there for you each day.

manyembers
Posted 12/16/2007 1:22 AM (GMT 0)
Hi cabingirl,

I was thinking of your e-mail and said a prayer for you today. I was reminded of a friend of mine. She also had migraines and tried several things to get over them. In her case, she discovered they were actually emotionally based. The way she healed herself of them was through journaling. Just getting her feelings out on paper. She also did some scrap booking to express things she had been feeling inside. Somehow getting the emotional pain out on paper was her key to healing. Do you think it's possible some of your physical pain is because you've not yet been able to get the pain of these losses out? Maybe finding a good therapist and just having a safe place to talk and cry could help you move forward in a way that both honors the memory of your mother but also frees you to continue to find the joy she would want you to have in your life. Sometimes it is possible to get stuck in the grieving process and we just need some help to get through the stages of grieving. And even though now it may seem like there is no other side, there really is. You can reach a place where it doesn't hurt so much and you can begin to remember the good things about your mom and find strength in that. It will always hurt, but not be incapacitating or so intense like maybe it still is now. Is it possible you just need to give yoruself room to grieve and let go of the pain?

Your grand daughter is no longer being harmed I assume. That is a huge breakthrough. What I mean is that so many little ones experience this abuse for years and no one ever finds out. But she now has the opportunity to heal from this. Love is stronger than the evil some people do in this world. I'm sure your love for her and the love of others is going to bring her what she needs to continue to grow up into a healthy and happy little lady.

Hope you are feeling some of the light shining down on you today,

take care, manyembers
Posted 12/16/2007 1:44 AM (GMT 0)
Cabingirl,
Isn't Embers so enlightening? I just love the way she expresses herself. Reading her post made me feel so good.

She is right, your mom would want to know that you are enjoying life. She doesn't want to see you hurting. And your grandbaby needs her grandmother.

I like what she said about putting your feelings down on paper and expressing yourself that way. You can always come back to it when you can see it in a different light. I often do that and it helps so much. It does sound like you need to grieve and heal. Embrace it, for it is yours and yours alone. We all grieve differently and there is no right way or wrong way. Think of all the good memories that you have of your mother and all the good times for you and your granddaughter to make more memories.

You are in my thoughts and prayers,
hugs,
getting by
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