im pregnant w. a random guy's baby.. in grad school help!

Thanks crankypoet. I dont think they are trying to force me to do anything.. just giving their opinions. I do not think it's just about child support getting by. This father works. I do not. This was NOT a child made between a boyfriend and girlfriend. It was a random hookup. I am a student. I KNOW my parents will disown me. And I want to speak to my family the next few yrs since my dad is terminally ill.

I think that everybody has a right to speak their piece because she asked for advise. And I think that the ones who are trying to persuade her to keep the baby are thinking about how she might feel after an abortion because of the fact that she is so sensitive. Some women suffer for the rest of their lives because of guilt. She feels guilty just by not pleasing her parents. So this decision could affect her for the rest of her life. I even tried to persuade her, not because a baby's life is at stake here because being an unwanted child isn't pleasant, I was one. But because I wanted her to really, really think hard and long before she made this decision. For sakes this is a human life. This is giving her different sides to look at, clearly she hasn't weighed it out because of her confusion. She has the right to know that there is help other than her parents who are clearly playing the cards in their favor. They call her names, and they threaten to take everything away from her including her dignity. Can't you see that everybody except for one person really cares about her. We aren't trying to be judgemental we really do care. I hope that you can be there for her no matter what she decides as we have said we would. I hope you have the answers when she needs them, for we will do the very best we can to comfort her. I am not speaking only for the ones who want her to have the joy of a baby in her life, I am speaking for the others as well. I know that it is her life, and her body and thank God we have the choice to do as we wish. Think more about losing that option. The government is trying to take that choice away as we speak. I, myself, wanted her to keep the baby, I even felt what she did was selfish. But when I understood how her parents have messed up her head, making her feel useless, I tried to give her options. It is her decision, and I will be there for her the best that I can. And no I cannot help her physically, no I cannot adopt a baby or help her financially. But yes I can pray for her and be there through the forum. Have you read all of her threads? I am so sorry I am blurting but I guess with the helpless that I feel for lack of being able to help this girl, I get frustrated. When I was her age I probably would have done the same thing. I made sure I didn't have any children because I had a mother like hers. She is running her through the ringer mentally. Shouldn't her parents be there for her when they aren't? So before you judge us because you think that we are judging her, think about the situation. She needs encouragement to stand up to her parents and to validate her existance. She thinks she is worthless and a failure, clearly she isn't. She has accomplished a lot in the past years and needs to know that she can do anything that she puts her mind to no matter what her parents do or say to her. She is trying and I think instead of trying to persuade you to agree with me I should let her know. I guess if she reads this she will.
She has made her mind up, so lets be there for her. She is really going to need us now.
I am sorry that I said this the way that I did, but I am confused to what is right and wrong in a situation like this, I guess I needed to vent. Like I said let's just be there for her in the best way we can and not accuse eachother of judgement. All women are touchy in this type of situation, we don't know where to draw the line except that we deserve the right to do what we want with our own bodies. So lets stick together on this and just be there for confused. That is what she needs the most. Thanks for hearing me out, no matter how little sense I make.
My apology,
hugs,
getting by

I hope that it was clear that I did not find all the replies unreasonable. I felt a few may have been overly critical and my suggestions for financial support were a manner of writing to point out that this decision cannot be made by one woman for another.Hangin'inthere, I think you are a caring and compassionate person and your strong grasp of so many complex issues is impressive. I have read this young woman's other posts and I don't want to believe any parent could be so cruel to their daughter yet I know such things happen everyday. I'm impressed that this young woman still worries about her terminally ill father after such rough treatment and I believe this speaks volumes about her decency and compassion. Again, I only wish her the best. There are many people on this board who can express themselves better than I can and I know they will not fail to to give her comfort and strength in any dose she needs.

I don't think anybody is trying to make her decisions for her, I just think that they are trying to express their opinions as she asked. She wanted advise but had already made her decision. So we really don't know what she wanted us to say. Evidently we didn't say what she wanted to hear. I guess I am defensive because I was wanting her to keep the baby in the beginning. But she obviously doesn't want the baby so there would be another unwanted child. Therefore I felt it best to support her decision and show some compassion. I don't even know if I was one of the people you felt was judgemental or not. We offered advise about giving it up for adoption because she at that time sounded like she wanted advise and we were just bouncing things off of the wall trying to help her.
As I said before, instead of labeling some as judgemental, lets pool together and just be there, she is really going to need our support.
Okay?
hugs,
getting by
ps you sound like a very understanding person and I can see that you are caring about what she is going through, I know that you are being sinsere and really do care. I think you gave her good advise.

Hi Mochiah,

I am in agreement with you though I will support her choice. I do believe she had her mind made up and I feel it is so her parents don't 'disown' her. I think that they should be there for her whatever she decides like we are. But that is just my opinion, I don't know the situation for real, I only know what she posts. I also agree, that she could be making the same mistake over by not weighing all the consequenses. I have seen too many women use abortion as a form of birthcontrol and I think that is very selfish. Though confused said she was on birthcontrol. I think that having sex with someone that you meet on the internet is asking for the opportunity to get stds and possibly aids, so I think that she should get tested. I hope that everything comes back negative. I just think she made a bad decision and I really hope that she learned from it. And I hope that she doesn't go on a guilt trip from it. She wants to be a doctor, doctors try to keep life. Her I go again, but I just can't help it. But I have to honestly say that if I would have gotten pregnant at her age I probably would have had an abortion also. But with my personality I would have probably did the guilt trip thing. That is what worries me, my mother was the reason my head was so messed up and I think that her parents treat her like my mother did. She really is confused and tries to please them like I did. I don't think she realizes that she is her own person and she counts. She has a right to make her own decisions and is letting her parents do that for her. But I think that they control the pursestrings. She doesn't realise the power and strength that she actually has. Or has the right to have. She needs to grow and they don't seem to be letting her, or she is letting them stop her. I hope that she learns soon how good of a person that she is. Enough of this. I know that tomorrow is the day and we will all be here for her.
hugs to you
getting by

Confused,
Please let us know how it went today and remember that we are here for you, no matter what.
Keep us posted,
Luv and hugs,
getting by