New relationship with T1

I'm new to the forum and would like to get your feedback.

I recently started dating a guy that has T1.  When we first hooked up I had no idea of his condition, then gradually he started to tell me about being diabetic and that he's on full insulin.  I learned that he was only diagnosed 2 years ago, and that the doctors at the time told him if he didn't get it under control he would be dead by 35.  

Our relationship is unique because we live in separate cities (Me in USA, He in Canada).  We work for the same company and travel for business.  We only see each other periodically and when opportunity permits. 

The last trip we took together was really an eye opener.  He had no choice but to give himself shots in front of me, while the other times he was able to take them without my knowledge.   I noticed a certain amount of reluctance on his part while he took the shot, almost as if he expected me to shy away or be repulsed.   I tried to be as reassuring as possible so I looked away to give him more privacy. 

I'm not knowledgable at all with diabetes, however, upon arriving home, I looked up symptoms and causes, etc., to get a better understanding.  I want to know more to support him, but don't want to overstep my bounds.

Since then, we haven't been able to meet up, but will at the end of the month.   So I really would like to know from the group what is the best way to handle myself so that he feels comfortable.  From conversation, I get the sense that he's still coming to terms with it himself.  He hates taking the shots, doesn't eat at regular times, and can't handle stress effectively.

A friend suggested I get some syringes and practice on an orange just in case I had to give him the shot.  Of course I think I should talk to him first about that so to give him a comfort level.

Other questions I have are:

Do you often get sick or feel over tired?

What is the best snacks to keep on hand?

Should I ask him to show me how to give him the shot?  Would this be presumptuous at such an early stage of our relationship?

What do I do to build his trust?  I'm interested in the long haul and not a passing thing.

There will probably be other questions, but for now this would be a good start.

In addition to Jeannie's helpful pointers:

How old is he? He actually may very well be the only person you know who has Type 1, and he may be considered juvenile-onset if he's under 25 (his legal drinking age has nothing to do with the diagnosis, LOL).

Type 1s don't usually need help taking their insulin shots. You don't give insulin shots in an emergency setting. You give glucose because of LOW blood sugar in 9.999 out of 10 emergencies involving a T1 diabetic. It's a common misperception that T1s need insulin shots when they pass out. It's almost always the opposite: it's hypOglycemia, (low blood sugar) not hypErglycemia (high blood sugar). If insulin is the answer, it means the diabetic has a blood sugar so high as to become comatose and they will more than likely already be hospitalized from severe dehydration/ketoacidosis before they loose consciousness.

It's low blood sugar that can cause a T1 to loose conciousness, in which case, if he's unable to treat it himself, you might help him ingest some carbs -- get him a snack if he's exhibiting signs of confusion which is a common symptom of insulin shock. Glucogan is an injectable emergency treatment that requires some training (not much, but familiarity with it is recommended). I personally would not want a "date" to ask if I wanted help with glucogon until the relationship was very serious and quite established. It's a spouse, parent sort of thing, IMHO. (Your friend's mileage may vary). If he can't be helped with food or drink, it's best to call 911.

You've asked good, sensitive questions. But try to put this stuff on the back burner until you explore your feelings as you would with any other romantic prospect. He deserves to be given the benefit of the doubt that he is taking care of himself. If you find that isn't the case, then you have other issues to consider.

Hope this helps.

I agree with what has already been said - with food you jsut have to learn what he wants - offer anything you want to offer and you two shouid have an understanding that if you suggest something he cannot eat don't let it be a problem - don't feel bad about it - just go on to something else. Diabetics don't expect others to understand as much as they do about their lifestyle - People offer me things all the time I can't eat - I just decline it and sometimes mention that I am diabetic. That is enough. My wife offers me things I can't have - it is never a problem if you understand that the offer was not done to convince you to eat something you shouldn't eat but a jesture of sharing.

Probably the main thing is don't consider or treat him like he is sick - his is not. In an emergency, we all are 'sick." Don't treat him like he cannot do things - he will tell you if can't do something - assume he can do anything - which is probably true anyway....

Jeannie, I know what you mean - my wife killing me would only be an exercise in futility. She ask me the wrong question all the time. She ask if I "want" this carb or that carb - she understands better than I what the 'correct answer' should be. She is not really testing me - more a built-in politeness we all have. You know, share with others thinking. When anyone ask, "Do you want....." the only answer is of course I want it - I just can't rationalize it. It is like when you are checking out at the grocery store and the amount shows on the card scanner saying, "Is this ok?" Wrong question. It is not ok - but I want the things that they have already bagged and the correct question is, "Are you willing to pay this so you can go home?" Anyway, a little of topic.

I think babs108 has to learn just like our families have to learn is we are in control of what we eat and we it is not practicle for us to demand that they fully understand what we can or cannot eat all the time. She should not feel bad because she suggested something that would cause our heads to explode if we ate it - just go onto something else when that happens. It would not hurt to discuss this and get it out of the way. Your boy friend is not sick - just has a disease that requires management.

Ditto for me, Claire. One of my daughter's best friends is a 15 year old t1 and she loves coming over to our house because we serve her the regular snacks and meals that she eats and home, and she decides what, when, and how much. I don't buy sugar-free anything for her nor for myself. Doesn't mean other t1s don't -- just that its entirely optional.