New Member

I have Diabetes, have had 2 heart attacks, with 30-40% loss of function in my hearts left ventrical. I also have spinal stenosis and degenerative disk disease which has caused me to have 4 spine surgeries since 2000 adding around 16 screws 4 pins and 2 plates to be placed in my back,I am in constant severe pain, I also have adrenal deficiency " low cortisol,testosterone," which are replaced by shots and medication, I have a few other things that i can't even keep track of,and all of this is causing me to go insane. I need someone to talk to, If I tell my wife allot of this she becomes overly worried which I don't need her to be.

Wolfer,
My heart goes out to you with all the stuff you have going on with your health. You have been carrying this burden alone for quite a while and believe me, we understand. Most of us here are diabetic and something else so we are working with multiple diagnoses as well.

I am a wife and I must say that in my own opinion I would prefer to know all the facts about my husband's health so I can put things in proper perspective. Believe me, she is worrying already, maybe more than she needs to. Confiding in your marriage partner is something you might want to consider. She said the same vows that you did and she has stuck by you thru all your illness and surgeries. You have an opportunity to share with her your fears and pain and she has the chance to help you. Sometimes men feel that they have to be the strong ones in the relationship, but most women understand that we take turns being strong. If you let your health be the 'half empty glass' and detract from your life you will be sad a lot. If you can share with her and concentrate on the positive side of your relationship you can build good things from that.

I'm not trying to lecture you... just let you know that there can be good stuff in life even with chronic illness. I have degenerative joint disease, fibromyalgia & myofacial syndrome, asthma, diabetes, and a bunch of other dumb stuff to contend with. I was retreating from my marriage relationship because I felt that I had let my husband down, I wasn't the healthy young wife he had married and was essentially falling apart. Over the years we have had some real heart to heart talks and I've learned that he loves me more than I could imagine and accepts me for what I am now... not what I was when I was 20. I learned to accept myself and my limitations, he jokes with me and we make fun of my problems as we carry on. Crying takes more effort than laughing so we laugh.

I'm not trying to put you off. We will listen and share with you here and offer whatever help we can, but I don't want you to cheat yourself or your wife out of a closeness that you could have by sharing with her. She may be just waiting for you to open up and not sure how to approach the subject. If that's not the case, and she is afraid we will support you all we can. Either way, welcome to Healingwell. We're here for you.

I share most of it with my wife. She comes to all my doctor visits , and fully understands most of my illnesses. But its the deep feels of guilt I don't share ,, and the feeling that I think I am a quiter. If I only would have tried harder ,, I might not have been put on disabilty. I had a good Job ,,I was making good money now ,,, all I get is an SSI check ,, and lots of Doctor bills,,,And I have reached the point ,,I am not going to try anymore ,,just put up with what I have and hope it ends soon,,thats where I am at now,, all my hobbies are gone most I can'y do and some I can't afford anymore,, I was the man of the house now ,, well ,,, more like a turnup,,, or mushroom I spend as much time as i can alone in my basement watching TV show I have seen a million times ,,, Thats why I thought maybe if I tried talking to people who are going through what I am I can make A little sence of it all...

Wolfer

Wolfer,
Some of the feelings you have are normal feelings of loss. And some of the feelings of guilt and sadness are taking away from the good things you could have in your life. Please speak to your doctor about an SSRI medication. When you are sad and unhappy the bleak feelings sort of use up all of your seratonin. Seratonin is a brain chemical that must be in balance for you to have any quality of life. You need seratonin to fight pain, fear, sadness and you need it to sleep and feel 'well'.

SSRI medications are selective seratonin re-uptake inhibitors and they stop your body from using up all of your seratonin. These medications are also called antidepressants. I have been taking these types of medications for over ten years (as long as I have been diagnosed with diabetes). They have saved my life. They have saved my marriage... and they have saved our family.

Please speak to your doctor about your feelings. You do not have to continue to feel this way. Your value as a person does not depend upon the paycheck you bring home. If this were true then children would be worthless. Also, staying in the basement will contribute to your sad feelings. Try to get up and outside at least once a day. Sunshine on your face will help you make vitamin D to strengthen your bones and lift your spirits.

We have a chronic pain forum on HealingWell and perhaps you could log in on that forum and share with some of those members. Just click on the purple words in the last sentence and it will take you there. I know that there are a lot of good people over there who will share much of what you are going through and might be able to give you some answers and ways to find your way out of this and make sense of it. I wish I could give you more help...