need motivation to take care of my diabetes

Susan, I'm sorry you're in this state of panic but it's good that you're trying to take control of your health now.  First of all, you say you've had diabetes for 12 years.  Do you take any medication, or have you ever been prescribed any?  What have your blood sugar readings been?  What kind of food are you eating?  Are you an active person, do any exercise?  In the meantime, please look over our many topics here that we've talked about, medicine, food, lifestyle, etc.  You will learn a lot about how members are dealing with diabetes here by reading through what we've talked about.  Also, click on the topics at the top of the Diabetes forum for resources to help understand diabetes better, and read the Welcome to the Newbies subject that appears in the subject column, as it also has lots of useful information.  We can help you here with our own experiences which might give you some motivation.  (By the way, I changed your subject line to something that hopefully will attract more replies.)  Let us know how things are going, ok?)  

Hi, Granny, thank YOU, actually.  When members are successful making positive changes and have better control over diabetes this is inspiration for all of us.  Sometimes it's easy to get into a slump, too, for whatever reason, but when you look back over how far you've come you have to admit you're doing a great job!