Mental health trumps diabetes today

I cannot write much because my patience and inability to focus is way out in left field someplace. I could be in a mean and nasty mood but I am going to shut my bedroom door and get out of peoples way. I hate it when I get like this. It zaps all my energy and ignores good choice making. Either I am going to sleep and pray to wake up in a different mood, or I will end up at dairy queen for a foot long chili dog and an oreo blizzard, God that is what I want to do, even to suffer the mountain of guilt and shame, oh, and maybe some peanut butter cookies from the dollar store to hide in my dresser drawer.I hope you all have a great saturday.......please say a prayer that I find the ability to realize how important my diabetes is and to do whats best for myself. I know, I am my own worst enemy....Cathy

HI Lanie, yes, I have taken depression meds. for25 years. In the past 5 years doctors have tried changing for meds that might work better. Now, I take Elavil, 300 mg a day. I agree with you Lanie. I realize that I need lots of help. I am depressed all the time, have been all my life, at least from my teens,and I think even earlier. Elementary teachers suggested to my parents that I needed help. That was in mid. 50s, they just didnt know what to do. I have had social anxiety for as long as depression. I covered it well, a cheerleader couldnt have depression. My mom would just say "stop being so dramatic". That was when I was at my wits end and just screaming at her and sisters to just leave me alone. Had I not had the same steady boyfriend all thru HS I would never have made it. He and his family were really great to me. My dad was an alcoholic. He never missed a day at work, he just got drunk every day depending on what shift he was on and that would make the diff. if he got drunk in the morning or in the afternoon..........Lanie, I cant go into all my life story. Its typical of a disfunctional family where I was molested at 6 yr. old a number of times from an older cousin,and it was just a secret to keep under wraps forever. That made a difference in my whole life, I never trusted and I could never do enough to please a man. 4 marriages, 21 yrs. the first one. I have gotten stronger thru the years. However, I have done a complete choreographed show for all to see, that is, when they do see me. I go to my mothers some, now she is moving to Ariz. with my sister. I took care of her for years but now I cant. I cant even tolerate anyone visiting my home, but I have to ever so often and I cant telll you what my anxiety level is then. I sometimes think that I just cant handle all this physical illness, along with a tight rope of mental illness all together. Its just too much. My husband doesnt understand it at all. I dont know what any day brings. I do know that when my mother moves from E. Texas I wont have that cloud over my head. I love my mom and sister dearly, but them loving me and wanting to help me is just toooooooooo much to bare........I may be back on later. I would love to talk with you lanie at some later date....You are a dear, with lots of insight.......hugs Cathy