I had an episode last night which prompted me to search "emotional epilepsy" today and I found this thread.
My background: In 2005 at age 29 I had my first grand mal seizure. I was hospitalized and had two more seizures during my three-day hospital stay. Although, my EEG and CT scans didn't turn up anything definitive regarding epilepsy, I was prescribed anti-seizure medication which I took for the next two years. In that two years, I only had one other seizure. In December 2007 I stopped taking medication.
Meanwhile, since high school I've had what I've come to realize is (probably) temporal lobe epilepsy with simple partial seizures (incredibly strong but difficult to explain feelings similar to jamais vu, deja vu, and lucid dreaming). However, I haven't had one of those episodes in several months. I saw a neurologist last year regarding these episodes, and he didn't find anything then either. (Although he said they might have seen something if I'd experienced an episode during the test.)
Last night, however, I experienced something new. I got home around 10pm after a three-hour session of group therapy/yoga/guided mediation. You'd think when I got home I would be in a blissed out, zen-like state. Instead, I went into a rage. Rather than decompressing on the couch with my husband and pets, I sought out places where my semi-incontinent senior dog might have soiled. I discovered that about
90% of the books on the bottom shelves were ruined. I started to go through the books to see if any could be salvaged and something snapped. I started throwing the books across the room and screaming. I was so enraged, I wanted to break or hurt something. I vacillated between throwing things and sitting almost catatonic, unable to move. When I finally straightened up the books, I took a long shower. I spent a good deal of shower time sitting in a ball repeating "Make it go away make it go away make it go away". It was very scary.
The entire evening I knew I was being irrational and out of control; but I couldn't use that knowledge to get centered and focus. It was truly as if I had no control over my emotions at all; like an out-of-body experience except I wasn't watching myself, I was experiencing myself.
I'm feeling a little better now; about
14 hours later. And now I realize there were probably several factors that may have led to this episode. The aforementioned potential TLE; lack of food (except for an apple after yoga and before meditation, I hadn't really eaten since lunch); dehydration; menstruation; and two other things.
1) I've been a regular pot smoker for several years and I've recently decided to quit. It's still early, but I haven't smoked in about
a week. I believe a semi-constant "mind fog" kept intense emotions at bay. The hour-long guided meditation session could have unleashed some pent-up, raw emotion that was a little more intense that I'd anticipated or was prepared for. (Hopefully, regular meditation - and avoiding MJ - should eventually help gain better control of said emotions.)
2) My wellness coach advises to never be H.A.L.T.: Hungry. Angry. Lonely. Tired. I was all four
I also had my first panic attack in early February. I think that might be somehow related, too.
Brains, huh? Anyway, sorry for the long post. But thank you for starting this conversation!
Post Edited (spacedaisie) : 3/8/2013 2:29:15 PM (GMT-7)