HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

let's talk about stress

Support Forums
>
Fibromyalgia
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 9/5/2008 5:29 PM (GMT 0)
Stress, we all know it's bad for us.  So I want to know, how do you cope?  How do you destress your life?  How do you know when you are stressed?  What stresses you?

I just had some unexpected stress this morning... the roof is leaking  shakehead Before, something like that would have made me so sick.  No, not fibro, but I could never handle stress well.  I would get anxiety attacks then my body would shut down and I would have to go to bed and sleep.  My way of avoiding the whole issue.  This morning I started feeling panicky, but I squelched it and breathed... yeah me!  I've had practice this summer with the van needing major repairs twice and dh's car dying too.

Know what's really stressing me right now?  Having to correct my typos.  I have become so dyslexic when I type! rolleyes

Anyway, this is a really bad time of year for me and stress.  From now until end of January, my mind just races with stuff to be done.  It starts now with

~the fall clothes needing to be taken out, what fits, what doesn't? 

~Reorganizing the wardrobes and front closet.  Snow suits sized and washed.  Mitts, hats, etc.. all organized.  Buy new stuff if it doesn't fit, boots too.

~cleaning my house that I have neglected for a lot of the summer (not the everyday stuff, but clutter and walls, corners, etc..)

~Thanksgiving and my sister's visit.  I need to decorate for fall, clean the spare room, buy the groceries.

~Hallowe'en, getting the costumes for the kids, or making them depending what they want.  Decorating for that.

~oldest ds's birthday (early November), more planning and shopping

~starting to bake for Christmas, planning what to make, gift lists

~Christmas decorating, shopping, etc.

~goddaughter's birthday (early January)

~2nd ds's birthday (mid January), even more shopping and planning

Sheesh, I can feel my heart rate rising just writing this list!  I have really simplified my life.  I used to do much more decorating fo Christmas, and baking.  But I can't let it all go, because the stress of not having things would be even worse.  So how do you make yourself NOT stress about stuff that just needs to get done?  You can't change it, just accept it, right?

What is your biggest source of stress?  How do you feel when you are stressed?  How do you unwind, not let it get to you?  Any tim of year when it hits you harder?  Thanks for your replies! idea

Posted 9/5/2008 6:26 PM (GMT 0)
Mamanan, you have just stressed me by reading your post!  shocked

 

I have nearly all of my Christmas shopping done.  I start the day after Christmas and buy a little each month.  I mainly buy on line through Amazon and other reputable places.  I don't have to run to malls, fight traffic, etc. 

 

I hate to bake but did when my children were small.  When the fibro hit I chose a lot of bar cookie recipes.  They are far easier to do and my children loved them.  I would also make trays of these and pass them around to friends and neighbors.  They, then would share their cookies with me so we had a huge variety. (See...there was method behind my madness!  tongue )  I one time had a cookie exchange and that really helped with the Christmas cookie dilema.  I would also try to find recipes that I could make way ahead of time and freeze so I didn't have to do everything at the last minute.  I would make fudge, too.  Thats also easy to do and your family doesn't feel "neglected". 

 

I buy my Christmas cards the day after Christmas.  They are 50% off so I can afford the nicer cards that way.  Yes, I don't feel like running out the day after Christmas, but I'm always glad I did around this time of year.  Soon, I'll be pulling the cards out and signing them and starting to write letters to friends.  My children's birthdays are close..December, February, and March.  I buy their gifts ahead of time, too. 

 

If I wait until the "regular" time to do these things, THAT stresses me out.  I pace myself and that helps with the fibro and makes all the wonderful holidays from October through January pleasant and far less stressful.

 

I know when my children were young they had some really cute costumes you could purchase reasonably.  That's what I did.  There is not way I would sew a costume that would be used for a couple of hours.  Sewing buttons on was about my speed with a needle and thread.  My husband used to be the one that sewed the Girl Scout patches on the sash!  yeah

 

Pick a weekend morning, when everyone is home, and have them all pitch in and help move all the summer/winter clothing.  You and they can try the things on and you can make a list of who needs what.  Do a load of washing a day for the snowsuits that need washing.  Actually, it would have been better to wash the snowsuits last spring before storing them.  It would be one less thing to think about during the upcoming busy season.

 

I keep my home as clean as I physically can manage.  I don't worry about what others think.  If they think my home is not up to THEIR standards, then they have two choices.  Come over and clean for me or not come over again!  My home is actually cleaner than most healthy people's homes.  I'm a perfectionist so I see every little speck of dust.  It used to really bother me but I've learned to relax about it.  The Health Department hasn't been called out yet!  smilewinkgrin

 

So, Mamanan, try to pace yourself.  I think you would feel a lot better, not have as much pain during the holidays, and reduce anxiety.  You can sit back and enjoy the holiday doing things this way instead of panicing over them.  Hope this helps!

Sherrine 

Posted 9/5/2008 7:28 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Mamanan,

Another thing that you might want to do is make a list on a piece of paper of all these tasks that you need to do. Write them down in priority of what needs to be done now and then the next and next. Make sure to cross off what you get done so you can see your progress. I think that just getting them written down takes away a lot of the stress of thinking about it and trying to remember everything.

Like Sherrine says, pace yourself. Even if you could get something done faster, just stick to that same pace. It helps you to not get a flare, and is more relaxing to do the task at hand. Plus more enjoyable.

Most of all, take it one day at a time. Writing down what you need to do takes away from the anxiety of worrying about things in the future. Somebody sent me a little poem that I like to share:

Yesterday is history
Tomorrow a mystery
Today is a gift
That is why they call it the present.

Try to stay in the moment. Try not to worry about the future, it will work itself out. This is the time of year that we have to think of all of the upcoming holidays. Starting with halloween all the way to valentines day. Wow, now I am starting to get stressed, breathe, breathe. LOL...

Take care, and have a lovely day.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 9/5/2008 8:48 PM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry Momanan but when I seen the title of this thread I had to laugh and say to myself, "No let's not talk about stress".

 

For the past 10 yrs I have been so bombarded with stressful things coming at me from all directions that I do not react normally to stress anymore. My DH can not understand this.

 

My children didn't have a clue about family planning and I have 5 grandchildren's birthdays between now and Christmas.

 

I have had Thanksgiving dinner at my house for years but I can get out of that if I find myself in a bad flare when it gets close.

 

I only have Christmas for my children and grandchildren now. One of my sisters has no grandchildren and has been having Christmas Day dinners. We will have Christmas here the nearest weekend that everyone can make it which will be either the 20th or 27th this year. If I feel up to it I will make some goodies but we order pizza the day the children are all here, I'm not spending the day I have Christmas for my grandchildren cooking. It's now become a family tradition that Santa aka Grandpa comes and we order pizza. It's all about the looks on those little faces when Santa comes. It won't be that many more years til they are all too big for Santa.

 

My niece has been an angel and helps me clean before a big event here. That takes a big load off my mind knowing the house will get cleaned whether I'm up to it or not. She doesn't ask for anything in return but I do pay her and it is well worth it.

 

I take one event at a time. Don't think about the next one til it is over. My DILs are very good at giving me a list of things for the grandchildren's birthdays and Christmas which makes shopping much easier for me. The two college grandchildren get cash for birthdays and Christmas.

 

It was hard to let go of the old ways of doing things but it come down to enjoying the events or driving myself crazy and really stressing over them and I chose to enjoy them and the world didn't stop when I simplified things.

 

luv and hugs

Marlee

Posted 9/5/2008 9:24 PM (GMT 0)
Stress and I go way, way back.  It seems like my whole adult life has been stress starting with having three kids in a year (1960) pregnant again and hubby left all before I hit 19.

That's a long time ago and what's past is past, but I do see a pattern, I tend to run away in my mind from things, that's how I've kept my sanity through three of my sons dying, to coping with all these diseases.  I'm sorry I'm not a good speller, and now it's gotten worse.

Anyway stress is an old friend, one that you don't have to see very often but when you do, it's like you've never been apart.

I take effexor but I don't know if it's working or not, I'm getting very suicidel, I won't do that, one of my sons did and I won't leave my family with such guilt. 

I guess I just need to vent.  I've cut down on a lot of Christmas shopping, bought my gift for the family already, a Wii, go for it.  I've also cut my gift giving way, way down.  The Grandkids that I sent money to last year who didn't call won't have to worry about it next year, they won't get any.  LOL  I like to bake and have my Grandkids help, that's what the neighbors get, that and we always make tamales as a family, it goes like a production line.  If your house isn't spotless, don't stress, if anyone don't like it, give them a dust rag and say "have at it", I learned a few years ago when I almost died, Thanksgiving/Christmas will come weather or not you do it all.  And a few days later you'll kick yoursef for worrying so much about it.  I know I'm rambling, I guess my point is, your not alone and this too will pass, or it won't but you have no control over that.  Try to go with the flow.

Posted 9/6/2008 12:41 AM (GMT 0)
Hello,

My 2 hour daily swim helps immensely. Until I started exercising again 2 1/2 years ago I had no idea how relaxing it could be

I still have a lot on my plate and I still become anxious but, it is nothing like it was when first diagnosed with fibro.

Meditation and breathing are okay but I get too fidgety so swimming and water exercise is for me. In addition, it helps to remove this excess fat that has sneaked up on me.

Donnaeil
Posted 9/6/2008 1:40 AM (GMT 0)

Stress shocked

I don't handle stress very well.  I have gotten better, I think.  I used to get upset if my house wasn't clean and my paperwork wasn't organized.  Not anymore, I don't have the energy to keep it perfect.  I have three kids (who should help me) a husband, cat and a dog.  Someone without fibro would have a hard time with my family, they are messy and disorganized.  I do get stressed about the whole holiday thing but nothing I can't handle.  What really stresses me is my family.  I worry about my kids, fear that I will lose one of them.  They get sick and I get scared, I pray to god not to take one of them (they don't usually get that sick, so I know I shouldn't get stressed about it, but I do).  My husband is a major source of my stress.  He is such a high maintence type of person.  He needs constant reassurance that I think he is great and that I love him.  He also has anxiety problems.  I hate to admit this but I'm usually relaxed when he is not around.  I love him and we are trying to work through this but how do you change someone's personality.  I knew he was like this when I married him but I didn't have fibro then and I could stroke is ego when he needed it.  Know I have three kids, a very needy dog (dog is a source of my stess to, she has anxiety problems too, poor thing) and fibro.  I love my husband very much, he really is a wonderful person, but our relationship needs some work.  Ok, I've just got carried away. Sorry!

I also wanted to say that I have read several postings where people are concerned about their spelling or grammer.  We all have fibro which means we all stink at spelling and grammer some or many days.  I will never judge any of you by mistakes in your postings.  I make enough of them.  We all just have those days (all of my days usually), so that is one stress that we can all give up on, OK.  Everyone agree?

Meggie

Posted 9/6/2008 3:05 AM (GMT 0)
I sure do know stress!

I have 4 young children.

After being on and then off an ad drug that seemed to "lift my spirits" briefly and take away my aches, and gave me energy.. I can honestly say that the stress in my life is from being sleepy (fibro-fog) and tired and unable to "pull it together" and get things done. Then I end up getting depressed and frustrated!

At least I now have a very clear picture of what I'm dealing with!

Maybe that book "Idiot's Guide to Stress management" is a good one. I bought it on the recomendation of my Rheumy. It's on my to do list of readings.
Caroln
Posted 9/6/2008 4:20 PM (GMT 0)
Hm stress? oh ya I remember that thing.  I don't have any kids living at home anymore but do have my grandchildren as frequent visitors and they can be a handful.  I always want to please them and not let them down but sometimes I can't make it to this school event or other and I know they are disapointed in me.  My mom is probably my biggest source of stress.  I have a certain song that plays for each family member and when her song comes on I cringe. It's usually her wanting me to run some errand or another or go on and on about somebody at some business doing her wrong.  And then there are the calls about medication even though I told her at least 5 times how its supposed to go and wrote it down.  And then she will call and if I dont answer she says ok call me later but 5 minutes goes by and she calls again saying helloooooooo where are you!! and by the time she is at call number 5 or so she is just mad as hell that I am not tending to her needs right now.

 

My mother can be a very demanding person and shes older now so that adds to the troubles.  I have set limits on her though so now it's not so bad as it was.  She just started on prozac so I am hoping that this will help her be more focused and want to do more for herself.  Then there's my hubby and he stresses me out.  He can have a smart arsed mouth and lots of times I am just not into his comedy(he thinks he is funny).  I try to get him to help me more around home but its like getting him to lose weight.  The idea sounds good for a day and then its right back to not doing anything. I thank God that I found the Lyrica or I would really be in a mess at least that med takes away enough of the pain so I can get some stuff done.  I am stressed about the upcoming holidays.  I havent begun to shop and usually by July I am at least half done.  I know this year is going to have to be different and I am going to have to ask for more help instead of me being the one doing the helping.  I dont know how many times I have showed up at my moms on x-mas eve to go to the family party and non of her gifts are wrapped and thats if she can remember where she put them.  She just now found the tax paper for her stimulas check and told me that i have to get that done today or it will be my fault that she loses out on the money.

 

I have told her to please not touch the mail in the box and to let me get it because she puts it God knows where and I then dont have the bills to pay or in this case the tax form.  Same for important papers for her housing,she gives them to me at the last minute and risks losing her apartment because of not turning in papers on time.  And then I have to worry about her falling or getting hurt at home because she stays up half the night and gets woozy.  She already had a few bad falls the last few months and I tell her shes risking her life or ending up in a nursing home for stupid reasons.  And now I am waiting for my brother to come for his weekly visit and try to get him to take care of some of the things regarding our mother before he leaves again.  But for right now I am just sitting here in my jammies enjoying my coffee and I dont care if I am not dressed or ready for the day when Randy gets here,he can just wait or go on to my moms alone kinda in a whatever mood today.  Tired so tired yawnnnnnn this coffee better do its job pretty soon or I am going to fall asleep where I sit lol

Posted 9/6/2008 5:09 PM (GMT 0)
Chitababy, I'm so sorry about the loss of your sons. I know that is something you never get over. Please don't talk of suicide, you know what that does to a family.

 

I sure wouldn't call stress my friend but we go way back but what is strange is I don't know why or when I started putting so many demands on myself. I sure wasn't a perfectionist as a teen, I had to be threatened with grounding to clean my room on Sat so I could go out on Sat nights and then it was just enough to get by. I wasn't a perfectionist in high school when it came to my work. So it had to start creeping in after I got married. I had a SIL that I admired and she was a spotless house keeper and I do think I used her as a guide to go by as to how a house should be kept. It turned out she had anxiety and OCD and she did leave the family but my perfectionism continued. Then with the boys everything had to be perfect. I just seemed to keep raising the bar higher for myself as my family grew. When the grandchildren came along I had to be the perfect grandmother too. Then like I have said before, 10 yrs ago we were in a very nasty, stressful custody battle over three of the grandchildren and after months of fear and stress my body and mind couldn't take anymore. I may have recovered from that since everything turned out great with it but then it was one thing after another coming at me from all directions during that time and since and here I am now.

 

The perfectionism has been put to rest, so that is a good thing. I'm learning to pick my battles and I don't have to be everything to everyone anymore. I have been forced by my body to live a much simpler life and I realize how much of my precious time and energy was wasted all those years stressing over the little things. It's too bad it has taken fibro to bring me back to my senses and I do feel like I'm starting over learning how to live. I've come a long ways since I've been on this forum for the past year. I still don't handle stress well and I may never be able to cause I do think my system has been damaged. But with a lot of work on how I handle stress I'm doing better. I don't look at the big picture, I take one thing at a time so I'm not overwhelmed. I'm living my life the way I should have all these years but with a lot more pain and a lot less energy. The fatigue especially gets to me big time and I keep hoping for something to help it.

 

luv and hugs

Marlee

Posted 9/7/2008 12:38 AM (GMT 0)
My biggest holiday stress is my mother-in-law. She is really too old to be having the family for T-day and Christmas, but no one else will do it or do it well enough. What bugs me the most, is I have to volunteer to help cook, clean, set the table, do dishes, etc. But my SIL has three daughters in their 20's who never do anything. I can't cut veggies, wash or dry dishes for very long before my back is screaming at me, but I have to continue because I'm younger than everybody else who is working. I do make my sons, in their 20s, do some things, but MIL thinks that boys can't do things right.. What about the girls?!! Seriously they sit in the family room and watch their grandma, mom and aunt do all the work. Since they aren't my children I can't say anything to them. Also any time I say something about my pain and fatigue from fibro, my MIL says "Oh, I've had those same aches and pains my whole life. I guess I have fibro, too." This from an 84-year-old woman who can run rings around me in energy (and pain too no doubt.) What I really want to do is stay home for the holidays, but both my in-laws and Mom insist that we have to do the holidays sometime, so I usually end up with Christmas for three weekends in a row. We do Dec. 25 at home, but still have to travel to everyone else's house. I really want to move to Hawaii. Then I could say it's too expensive to visit. AARRRGGGHHHH!!! Diane
Posted 9/8/2008 5:16 PM (GMT 0)

I'm so bad.  I post a question, then disappear for a few days and don't reply!  Sorry blush .  Thanks to all that took the time to answer.

I think I have things under a little more control now.  A list!! idea   I used to do those, why didn't I think of that?  Thanks so much Karen for reminding me.  It does look so much more managable when you see it on paper.  But, I did have to add to it as I remembered stuff... unpack the trailer, winterize the gardens, take down the pool (that we only used 10 times, grrr).   I'm always late on the outdoor stuff as the cold weather takes me by surprise every year.  Sometimes I feel like the grasshopper in that old fairy tale, lol.  Oh, btw, I love that quote!  I wrote it down to use in one of my scraps.

Sherrine, thanks for your post.  You always seem to have a knack for making me calmer.  I took out the girls' hand-me-downs for fall and went through those boxes. Oldest dd was wonderful at trying things on and a big help.  The boys, well, that's another story.  They hate trying! lol.  I'm waiting for a weekend that dh has off too for them.  So now I have 4 loads of laundry to do today, sigh.  I did do the winter coats in the spring, but I like to redo them when I take them out too.  Is that overkill?  nd how on earth are you so organized?  I wish I was more, but I can't seem to get my act together.  And disorganizaton makes me crazy!  I actually have my closet colour coded, lol.  I used to do dh's, but gave up on him after a few years.  I'm slowly tryign to let go of ds's too.  But paper trails and events, forget it.  I've tried keeping an agenda, but no good. 

Marlee, I got stressed reading your post!  Hey, if you can do it, so can I.  I only have Christmas for us and my IL's, sometimes my SIL and her family if it's the year they come here.  So I can't say I entertain that much.  I had to LOL at the family planning bit.  I *almost* have a child each season, but really it's late fall to late winter, not too bad I guess.  I am no the cleanest of housekeepers, but I am a perfectionist.  If anythign is out of place, I know it.  I have let go of a lot b/c of the kids, but I'm still way too uptight, and I know it.  It's crazy how much time we waste about stuff that really isn't important. 

Meggie, thank you for giving me the ok to mispell!!  I had to laugh at that, it's so true!  I was sent an email once with a message that was all mispelled, too bad I don't have it anymore.  It was to show how the human mind can work, very interesting.  As long as the first and last letter of the words are in the proper place, you can read it, even when all jumbled.  Weird, uh?  It only works as long as you don't have any extra or missing letters.

Diane, I'm so sorry about your family.  It's a real shame about your nieces.  Maybe it's the way I was brought up, but that just seems so wrong.  Although I saw it a lot in my family growing up, when we went to my grandmother's.  Of course the boys didn't do anything.  Then I was one of the youngest that was brought up to really respect and help out the elders.  As I got older, I saw all my younger cousins playing or sitting and watching the others work.

Tapestryloom, good idea, I should read up on controlling stress.  I think that I'm not stressed sometimes, but I know things must be affecting me, I just don't know what.  And I do feel much better when I'm not as fatigued too and can get things done. It must be partly from feelign in control, intead of out of.  You had mentioned in another post about taking time to meditate, and other ways to destress.  When do you do this?  How do you find time?  I have 4 young children too, and I find that any time spent on myself is wasted.  But I have started exercising again in the mornings, although it can be frustrating with the baby climbing on me when I do floor work.  Still, I do have more time adn feel less anxious with the 3 older ones in school now even if the youngest of those is only part time.

Cheers, and I'm hoping you all have a good day turn

Posted 9/8/2008 5:31 PM (GMT 0)
Mamanan, I am organized BECAUSE disorganization makes me crazy!  I don't like that feeling so I do something about it.

 

As far as the boys trying on things, just let them know that if they don't come and try them on, that will be their wardrobe...whether it fits or not.  You are not guessing or playing their games.  They need to hop to it or be happy wearing things that are too small for them.  I think that would get their attention...fast!  smilewinkgrin

 

Sherrine

Posted 9/8/2008 5:56 PM (GMT 0)
Right now I'm just super-stressed about being unemployed. Bills to pay, and all that...

There's really not much to be done about it, so I just try to keep busy.

Posted 9/9/2008 5:08 AM (GMT 0)
I am possibly the most stressed out person I have ever known or even read about. Always a hand-wringer. Worry-wart. OCD tendencies towards a perfect everything. Kind of a control-freak. Even before my diagnosis. House doesn't look like anyone lives her...that kind of personality. a major clean freak....so. I am a constant ball of stress. Small things throw me into a flare. So now I am on a med that keeps me relaxed and the small things can slide. And I don't worry quite so much. I used to panic when I got up in the morning thinking about what had to be done according to my standards during the day. It was horrible. So when my Dr. suggested a chill pill I hesitated....and then decided it was time or the stress would contol my life and I would be worse without it. I am still a ball of stress......but it doesn't control me. I control it a lot better now. I still have to tell myself to chill but it is not nearly as bad as it was before. HTH someone! Stress can kill a normal person. And I'm not "normal" anymore so I can't imagine what I would be going through without help. I still flare and the fog gets me...just not as bad as it was. And it was bad.:(
Posted 9/10/2008 5:50 PM (GMT 0)

I remember talking about this very subject "stress" with one of my co-workers saying that is a trigger to make the fibro worse.  I went on saying that I'm never stressed.  He pointed out that just because I'm a happy person and have a good life that doesn't mean I'm not stressed. 

That got me thinking...in a normal day now that school is here for my daughters this is a day for me:

4:50 a.m. wake up, shower, get dressed, makeup

5:00 a.m. make lunches, do dishes, have coffee & chat with hubby for 15 minutes before he leaves at 6:15 for work

6:15 - wake up daughters - get breakfast, clean up, take out garbage, load washer with dirty clothes, pick up, feed dog & cats

7:00 - leave house, drop off youngest daughter at friends house to go to school with.  Pick up 2 other high school freshman and bring them with my daughter to high school (which is 30 miles away as we don't have a high school in my county)

8-4 - work my full time job, which I LOVE!  On my lunch I run errands like a crazy girl, pick up groceries, Walmart, get gas, you name it.

from 4-8 I'm usually attending daughters soccer games, home to make dinner, help wtih homework if needed, do laundry, clean up kitchen, chat with hubby (which by the way also helps out plenty at home) and I just about collapse in bed around 8:30.

So even though I love my life, I'm still stress with thinking about everything.  Not to mention I pay the bills, buy all holiday gifts, plan birthday parties, etc.

Wow...I need to sleep now tongue

Posted 9/10/2008 5:53 PM (GMT 0)
Yikes!  shocked    Are you sure you have fibromyalgia?

 

Sherrine

✚ New Topic ✚ Reply