My newbie post

Hi everyone!

I'm so glad I found you. I've been reading your posts for hours now, and I don't feel so alone anymore. I'm 35, divorced, and have a wonderful 10 year old daughter, 2 cats, and 2 rabbits, and we're currently living with my mom (who also suffers from fibromyalgia among other things) and stepfather.I naturally feel awful about this because I feel completely useless and haven't been able to hold a stable job. Things are OK for a while, but I miss too many days and wind up having to resign. I started experiencing symptoms of fibromyalgia (I felt like I was sore from overdoing it at the gym, and the feeling wouldn't go away, and kept getting worse) after the second of two car accidents, which left me with 1 herniated and 1 bulging disc each in my neck and lower back also (the second disc in my neck may have slightly herniated also as a result of the second accident. The MRI was hard to read). The herniated/ bulging discs don't bother me too much, at least not that I know of. I was officially diagnosed by a really understanding rheumatologist in August of 2005. I recently returned to school and finished a certificate program in PC Repair and Installation, have passed my Network + exam, and am studying for my A+ exams with some difficulty (so many numbers, and my memory certainly isn't what it used to be), but I feel pretty determined to pass them and turn things around. I have so many questions, and I hope you'll be patient with me. I've already received a very warm welcome from Marlee, and I appreciate it. I'm sorry if some are repeats...
First and foremost, I'm trying to get back on my feet employment-wise. I feel like a horrible mother for not being able to support my daughter on my own, or really at all, and I'm not sure what to do. I have had a very difficult time finding work in Miami and am considering moving in with a rather new boyfriend I met as a possible roommate where work is more readily available, which would mean moving about 4 hours away from my daughter, and the thought just kills me inside. I currently share custody with my ex husband, who isn't always pleasant to deal with, although I've heard much worse stories. I think I could work out reasonable alternative custody arrangements, or at least I hope so. Is this even an option? Are there any others? It seems I'm running out of choices here, as the health of both my mother and stepfather is getting worse, and I'm an added burden on them. Things aren't easy as is. Rent would be very cheap, allowing me to work only part-time, which I feel is all I can handle right now. I can make the drive on a good day given a couple days to recover afterward. How do you mothers feel about this? What would you do? Is there another viable option that would allow me to work from home? My background is mainly in customer service with a bit of technical support.
Other questions... My doctor prescribed Lyrica (I take 1 50mg capsule per day most days), but I was already taking Xanax for insomnia. The only other medication I take is Verapamil to help with a rather annoying irregular heartbeat. Does anyone take them together? My doctor wasn't certain if I should do so, but I hate having to choose whether to ease the pain a bit or sleep. If I still have difficulty keeping a job, am I eligible for disability? For the women out there, rather personal question: Do your symptoms worsen with PMS? I don't know if it's hormone fluctuations or water retention or exactly what, but that week beforehand is usually awful for me. This is worrisome, as I'd like to have another child someday, if I can get my life back in order, and I worry that things will get worse with pregnancy. Here's a sort of silly question: Does anyone else require both hands to brush their teeth? LOL, I feel so funny doing it, but I have to hold my elbow with one hand while I use the other hand to brush. My arms always feel so week when I have to lift things above my waist. Also, recently, my knees have been making odd crackling noises with accompanying stiffness. Is this "normal"? Also, do symptoms vary in severity between individuals, or do we all go through the same things? I guess that's subjective and hard to tell, but some people seem to do so well, and so do I at times, but at other times, I feel like I'll never make it through the day and wind up screaming into a pillow just to let it all out. Am I just overreacting? Sometimes I wish I was. I've heard Pilates exercises were beneficial. Has anyone tried? I know I need a good 20 minutes or so of stretching before I even consider getting out of bed in the morning (or early afternoon). I know I'm asking a lot here. Thank you so much in advance...

Fibrofog you are under so much stress and that just makes fibro worse. Your not a horrible mother cause you have fibro, it's not like you asked for this DD.

 

I find if I write out all my problems and go over them one at a time and explore options to solve the problem it's easier than having all that going a hundred miles an hour in my brain. Prioritize, I'm sure your daughter comes first so what is best for her??? You said the thought of leaving her kills you inside. If something is going to make you feel worse it's not the right decision. I do a lot of self analysis and if the thought of something causes me anxiety I know it's not the right thing to do.

 

Your lucky to have your parents to take some of the financial burden off of you even though I'm sure you hate having to live with them but think of it as temporary til you figure everything out and can get on your feet again. Many mothers on here work full time jobs and I'm sure they will have suggestions for you. You may not be able to work a full time job so you need to explore disability.

 

I do not take lyrica but I take both verapamil and xanax together, been doing it for a long time.

 

I'm glad you found us and hopefully we can get you to relax and figure everything out. Take some deep breaths and we will help you.

 

I don't think any two people with fibro feels everything the same. For me the fatigue is the worse part most of the time.

 

luv and hugs

Marlee

Hello and welcome aboard,

I know the feeling of being a horribe mother because I feel that way about being a grandmother. I could not wait for grandchildren and now have them and cannot enjoy them the way I want to, In fact my 4 year grandson says he likes grandpa better thn me because I can not play with him, football, baseball, racing etc, it makes me feel bad but I know I will flare myself. I cannot even hold the grandchildren long if they lean against my chest it gets sore for days.

I have been on this board a few years ago, I left and have been on other boards. I am now back because here I find support and people that understand and care. I find most boards to have a clique.

I agree you should really think about moving in with a new boyfriend at this point.

Hugs, Linda

I think that living with a new boyfriend is a major mistake. One red flag is that quickly formed relationships are signs of impending domestic violence.

If your first spouse is difficult the chances of your entering a new relationship with an abusive person are high. Besides your daughter may suspect that you are leaving her for a man.

I now this is not your intent but children tend to think family difficulties are their fault.

Congratulations on studying for the A+ exam. I would speak to a counselor at your local community and technical college about getting an IT associates degree. It would open up a world of job opportunities for you.

The schools have assistance for displaced home makers. The financial aid that you receive will help you with your finances.

I know this because it took so long for me to be approved for disability that I returned to school for a bachelor's and a masters degree, which I received last year. This gave me enough family to have a home for my children.

Take care, Donnaeil