HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

afraid to slip backwards due to lack of family support

Support Forums
>
Fibromyalgia
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 12/9/2008 6:29 AM (GMT 0)
Before when I was really bad, before the pain spec put me on meds, my family went to peices.  They treated me like they were sick of me and I was constantly practically begging everytime I couldnt do anything .  The last couple weeks have been bad and I am afraid Im going back to how I use to be, hopefully its just a bad patch.  Does anyone elses family act the same I feel so total alone and afraid all the time.   sue 2z sad sad
Posted 12/9/2008 5:10 PM (GMT 0)
When you say family Suez are you talking about your DH and children or extended family??? I know how hard it is to get families to understand what it is like living in a fibro body. I have asked youngest son to help get some things done since his dad was down for awhile with having the pacemaker put in but he is also busy and hasn't gotten to it. I get very frustrated that I can no longer do these things myself. I hate asking for help and I hate waiting for other people to get things done. I've been patiently waiting for DH to get Christmas decorations out of the attic for me but he has been so busy playing catchup since going back to work.

 

If these are children that are living at home assign them work to do.

 

luv and hugs

Marlee

Posted 12/9/2008 5:26 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Sue,

I'm sorry your family is being so difficult. My ex was like this. If he wasn't the center of attention then he would make up things...a trick he learned well from an expert, his mother. For me I had to get out of the situation. But that's not the case for everyone.

My first suggestion is talk to your doctor...soon! They can offer all kinds of support, one of which is some counseling. You are not crazy!! they are! but a counselor can help you with skills to deal with them. You so not have to live with this type of treatment, especially from those who are the ones who should be supporting you the most. They are acting childish and selfish and it's time they grow up. Since you don't say what family members these are...if you can distance yourself from them for now it would be a good move IMHO. We need to be around loving and supportive people. It's hard enough to stay 'up' in good times but when others are dragging us down it's impossible.

Feel free to email if you'd like. Not sure what I can do but offer a shoulder but I'd be happy to chat and help any way I can.
Chutzie
Posted 12/9/2008 6:06 PM (GMT 0)
I am sorry that your family is being so inconsiderate. Like Chutzie said, we can be here to support you. Sometimes you do have to educate them. Maybe get some fibro phamplets or even print off some of the information on the forum. That would help them to understand. So many times I wish somebody could live in my body for just one day so that they could see what I am feeling. I am lucky though, my husband completely understands. He saw me at my worse and he sees that I am somewhat better. I hope that you can get through to them. Just do what you can and don't feel guilty about the rest.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 12/9/2008 8:02 PM (GMT 0)
Hope things start getting better for you Sue :) My family is like that sometimes, and I really just have to pull it together and remind myself that I'm strong, and very good at taking care of things on my own :) It is not fair, but it's life (at least for me:)

The best of luck to you!
Posted 12/9/2008 8:42 PM (GMT 0)
My ex was like this. If he wasn't the center of attention then he would make up things..

Mine would not only do this but would ignore everything I asked him to do or the best one...he would do it and would do the worst job possible. Like leaving dried on food on the dishes and claiming he couldn't fit his hands in the glasses so he couldn't wash them either. laughable now. i would have to do it again anyway and never ask him again which was exactly what he wanted.

I once read that if you have your family and friends (older kids of course) put the pinchy clothespins all over their bodies and leave them on for a few minutes they might understand what you are talking about. Some people might. Others just won't ever get it. Its not the same pain but it might be the only way to relay the message.
Posted 12/9/2008 9:07 PM (GMT 0)
I get this a lot from my family too. It seems like they totally ignore how I am feeling and expect me to just do all the things that they need and want done. Hardly ever take into consideration if I'm feeling bad or not. My extended family don't ask much of me and even my two sons that have already moved out know not to ask much of me, but my husband and daughter expect me to be ready for anything! Recently, I had a doctor's appt with my PM doc to discuss lab results and after I shared them with my husband, it seems that he has backed off a bit and has stepped up to help me me a bit. He has come home from work several evening and thrown in a load or two of laundry and he even helped my daughter put out Christmas decorations this past weekend. Decorations haven't been put out since 2003! MAYBE he gets it now!

Posted 12/9/2008 9:39 PM (GMT 0)
sue,

i am sorry you're having issues with your family. :( sometimes i think the people close to us act like that because they can't handle their being something wrong and worrying about us. does that make sense?

fortunately my dh is really understanding (though it is still hard to get him to do things sometimes, but that has more to do with his ADD than anything else..), but my mother in law ins awful about it. she has physical issues herself and acts like hers are the only issues that matter. whenever i mention anything that has to do with what i go through around her, i can literally see her eyes start to glaze over. once she even got up and left the room! right in the middle of my sentence!! it was like-thanks a lot, lady! but she just can't stand to hear me say anything about it. the best i can get out of her is a bored "uh huh" and then she changes the subject.

i hope your family comes around soon and starts supporting you more. always remember you can come here, though! plenty of people who understand in these parts :)

{{hugs}}
~danielle
Posted 12/10/2008 12:25 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks to everyone who replied, I forgot to say it was my immed family which is what is so hard, I guess when the washing or dishes or ironing builds up they wil have to get up off there butts, but they would make me feel so guilty. My husband is getting a little better of late, does his own ironing now, I just couldnt stand there and get through all those shirts. I can only iron for approx 5 mins at a time, so it is hard. and the dishes arer done with me slumped for support on the sink though sometimes if I ask my husband will do but if I got really bad and couldnt do these things on a longish term it would be a nightmare and I feel they would treat me badly.    anyways thanks and thanks chulzie for offer of email, just might take you up.

Posted 12/10/2008 1:50 AM (GMT 0)
sue,

do you have kids? if so, how old? i have just recently (with a little help/prodding from some of the fine people here) realized i have got to stop doing everything myself and have decided that i am absolutely, positively going to hold a family meeting and discuss putting together a chore chart. of course, i have little ones so that gives me a really good excuse for such a thing-see, i can tell dh and 15 year old daughter that they have to participate too to "show the little guys how it's done".

i'm seriously hoping this works...i can't do it all anymore. and you can't either! and i officially invite you to join my new "we are not responsible for other people's situations nor are we responsible for everything and everything!" support group, which i'm starting because i know TOO WELL feelings of guilt and responsibility and need help getting over it. of course, as of right now i am the only member-but you and anyone else who is interested is more than welcome to join!

{hugs}
~danielle
Posted 12/10/2008 4:42 AM (GMT 0)
what helped me: i have fibro and ibs what helped me was going to amazon.com and reading the book what your doctor may not tell you about fibromyalgia this had a good rating as a treatment and i tried it and it works please look into it. good luck
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply