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Tired of people's unasked for advice.

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Posted 3/13/2009 2:46 PM (GMT 0)
I am the mean one here because yesterday a friend told me to just join a gym and that would help me. I flipped out beyond control. I was so angry. I told him I am not taking applications for unwarranted and unwanted advice. Go elsewhere please. Mind you this was after I posted the fibro letter to normals. Seriously I am not looking for advice or comments. I just want support but my friends just do not get this. What few I have left because I no longer go out. Also I am not drinking at all anymore. My friends think getting tomorrow for st. patty's, just one day will not hurt me. Gee it isnt only the drinking, it is the crowds who could bump into me, being on my feet on concrete, and a limitless list of other reasons I do not want to. It is getting harder and harder to not just flip oout on everyone right now. I know it will do no good so I hold my tounge. Anyone have any advice short of choking people that might work? Sorry for the rant but this seriously kept me up all night last night.
Ang
Posted 3/13/2009 4:39 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Ang,

I would try to ignore it, you know how you feel, they just don't have a clue. I guess they have to walk in our shoes to know what we are going through, but they can't. So it is best to just ignore.

If you have quit drinking, don't go to the party. You will feel uncomfortable there and you might start drinking again. I don't think that you want to do that. Don't let people force you into things that you don't want to do. I know that sometimes it is hard to say 'no', but when it comes to our health, we have to. And don't feel guilty about saying no.

I hope that you have a good day. And we are always here to support you.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 3/13/2009 8:21 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Ang,  ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))  I know how you feel, it is hard to deal with this illness at all without having to deal with friends who choose to not understand. In their behalf though, I will say they have no idea how or what you feel.  I remember when people used to tell me they were ill with this or that & I felt bad for them.  I thought "Man, that must be hard"  but then I would hope to get their minds off of it by trying to treat them as I always did.  Get them out & have some fun.  Well, of course I now know how off the mark I was.  That said, I really hate the unasked for advice too.  It can drive me crazy!!!!  Someone posted a quote awhile back, something like "My illness is more real then your imaginary medical degree".  I would smile & use that next time.  I understand the anger but it isn't good for you, look you got no sleep & are upset & all that is going to happen is a flare.  I have found that as time goes by a type of sifting happens.  Good friends will stay around, learn about how you feel & just try to support you.  The rest will fall by the wayside & will drift away.  Sad but true.  You can still be a good friend & your true friends will be there when the sifting is done.  I hope that makes sense.  I sometimes get to rambling & if no one tells me to stop I just keep on keeping on.  LOL   Many hugs to you, Denise

Posted 3/13/2009 8:28 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you both for the help. I am having a horrid day fibro pain wise over this. I realized after having coffee with real friends this afternoon, that I have to let a few friends go that do not or will not get what is going on. For example I use a book bag on wheels to carry anything I need, purse even goes in there. A true friend told me today that "I am the only one she knows that can make that bag look classy" Her humor made me feel a lot better. I really need to not react or let stress affect me anymore. Again thank you and hope you both have a great day.
Ang
Posted 3/13/2009 8:42 PM (GMT 0)
Hey
I like to use the heavy sarcasm as well. lol I have a really bad back and people all the time tell me I need to go to the gym and do crunches, work out my abs cause that will strengthen my back. I always respond with " and if I had a broken leg, would your advice be to go for run ? " It can be really frustrating sometimes, you just have to do what's right for you, and there's no reason you should feel bad about that.

Take Care
Posted 3/13/2009 9:03 PM (GMT 0)
mad  Oh I know how you feel, I"ve had "Friends" say, Just get over it and get on with your life.

And the samething about excersice, So now when they get a cold or the flu, and they are so, sooooooooo miserable.  That they hurt all over and just want to stay in bed I say"Welcome to just a taste of what I live through everyday of my life with fibro"  I tell them Just get over it, smile and walk away.  Yes, I have had friends fall away, or I've made the choice of walking away myself, guilt free, because it is what I needed to do, because I too would stay up all night over comments that they have made.  I can't do that anymore, I get too sick over it.  So my heart is with you.  I understand. wink

Posted 3/13/2009 9:32 PM (GMT 0)

Hey Ang,
I would try to calmly tell your friends that all you want is their support. If they want to get together, maybe you all could find fun things to do at home. For St. Patrick's Day, why not have everyone get together at one of your houses and then you all can drink there in a calm atmosphere. Maybe that would work. Try to explain to them that you want to do things with them but that you have your limitations. If they are truly your friends, they will understand this and they will try to find something fun you all can do together that won't push you beyond your limits. I understand that it is hard to keep your cool in some situations, but you have to try. Stressing over little things will only make you feel worse. Hang in there. I hope this helps. *soft hugs*

Posted 3/13/2009 10:08 PM (GMT 0)

Hey Ang,

Well, after reading everyone else's posts I see that they all said exactly what I was going to say!! 

Just wanted you to know.. I REEEEAALLLY understand what you're going through.  Your REAL friends you had coffee with today sound like the right kind of friends.

Since my name is Patti I always try in some way to celebrate St "Patti's" Day, even though I'm Italian.  This year I'll have my mom & sister over for a Corned Beef & Cabbage dinner.. maybe I'll have a beer (but not green beer, that's just plain weird).  But I remind all of my friends and family that if they want true luck on St "Patti's" day they need to give someone, by the name of Patti a large & expensive GIFT!!! (Hey if you had a dumb name like Patti you'd try it too).  Anyway, my husband bought me a garnet (my son's birthstone) ring last year and trust me... he got lucky, LOL devil

Hugs and happiness tongue

Posted 3/14/2009 12:00 AM (GMT 0)
ok Patti that made me giggle for sure.
Posted 3/14/2009 12:15 AM (GMT 0)
Ang- I understand what you are saying and I agree with whats been said. I have learned that there are some "friendships" who will fade away and in truth, when this happens, its a blessing in my life. I realize now that these folks were never friends but a drain on my meager resources. In my opinion, there is nothing I can say, do, quote, tell, scream, holler, or otherwise preach that will ever get through to a person who has cement between the ears. I imagine it like this- I imagine life's daily activities as a ladder. Some people have a ladder that is very tall and has many rungs, where they can see for a long distance. My ladder is short, it has maybe three rungs, maybe four on a great day :) and my view is limited and close to the ground. I can not run up and down my ladder the way others can, and when others want me to see their view- I should just nimbly run up my rungs to join them in their view- I have to say [again] that I simply can't, its not possible. I am comfortable in my short ladder, its mine, I can manage it, I don't feel all that short changed, I choose not to see a shorter ladder as a limit, instead I see it as something that I can max out! How many people who have a huge tall ladder can max that out? How many of them can honestly say that they have a true grasp of their tall ladder? They probably only use a tiny portion of it and have no real knowledge of the heights they could achieve if they stopped bothering me to look at their view and just explored their own world, the same way I do, with my smaller ladder. In some ways, we are blessed with this health challenge, it forces us to live our lives more deliberately and less accidentally than others, who think they have so much they can afford to waste much of it. Wwe should write a book- not called what color is your parachute, but how high is your ladder? LOL keep your chin up and smile. Its a good day.
Posted 3/14/2009 12:41 AM (GMT 0)
Sera Smiles what you said so hit home. WE can not take life for granted we must live in the present moment at all times. True Buddhism eh? I too am happy with my short ladder. I am not going to waste time talking to people who who always have to be right. I know what I can and can not do and why should I waste my limited resources explaining it to someone with "cement" between the ears. this is just another moment where I need to not be so hard on myself. I had a friend with a horrid migraine today that was bringing this big tuff guy to tears, he looked at me and said "if this anything like you deal with every day, darn it must suck" I replied thank you and no it doesn't always suck, It makes me take life a little slower then most but I get to smell the flowers on the way there. He so got it. It is time to weed out my garden so my flowers can grow. Thank you so much everyone here for the support I so desperately needed today. I certainly need to stop being so hard on myself, I need to let the perfectionist little brat in me go. You all totally rock and do not forget to smell those flowers or see that rare smile others miss in the rush of life.
Posted 3/23/2009 7:22 PM (GMT 0)
I was informed by my mom that two hot showers a day would cure me. She has self diagnosed herself with Fibromyalgia, and that works for her. UGHHH! smhair smhair
Posted 3/23/2009 10:35 PM (GMT 0)
Wow. That's a mess. I have had people tell me that I just need to exercise more and that would cure me. Exercise is good, don't get me wrong, but it's not a cure. Isn't it amazing how people without this disorder think they know everything there is to know about it and then tell you what the cure is?
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