Quote from FireandIce93

Hi Fire..

I didn't want your post to get buried in another thread (TikiKitty's - Feeling down thread).  When I was reading through that thread I came upon yours and it concerned me.  I thought it would be a good idea if I reposted it where other Fibro Family member could see it. 

Please know that you are a very valued member of this family.  We care about everyone that comes along and we care equally as much about you as you do about all of us. 

My heart is breaking for you with what you're going through.  Our kids sure do know how to hurt us.  But remember, we all went through that "stage" when we thought our parents weren't so smart or we couldn't stand them for one reason or another.  Kids also are masters at working parent against eachother and getting on one side to work against the other.  Please please please try to remember this behavior that your son is displaying is typical of a kid his age.  I think it's part of the weaning process.. they start acting out against their parents as a way to begin spreading their wings.  Also remember, if your ex husband had taken away the kid's video games, the kid would have complained to YOU about him.

I hope you'll continue to come here and no.. I don't think you're a fruitcake, I think you're my fibro-sister and you're going through a hard time... Warm Gentle Hugs,

fireandice93 said...
I'm sorry you are feeling so bad.  Believe me I understand.  You are very lucky to be a part of this fibro family.  I have never been a part of anything, I have never felt that I "belonged" in any situation.  I was hoping that finding you guys would be different, that if you couldn't see me or hear my voice maybe you would be more accepting of me.  But I can't get past the feeling of not belonging, that I am bothering people and that people just feel that they have to tolerate me.  I have never been so depressed in my life.  I keep trying to find a reason for my existance, but there isn't one.  I told you guys that my 13 yr old son left me to go live with his dad out of state because I never take them any where or do anything outside of the house.  Well, yesterday my 15 yr old son was mad at me because I took away his video game priviledges (sp) until he brings his grades back up (which has always been a house rule) and I heard him on the phone with his father saying how much he hates me and what a terrible mother I am etc... but then he said "thats why Josh left home, he got as far away from her as fast as he could." His father must of told him to give me a break because I wasn't feeling well cause then my son said, "she's never feeling well!  I don't even think theres anything wrong with her just like everyone else says!"  Guys, it felt like someone punchede me in the stomach. I actually threw up.  My heart is so broken.  I love my kids so much and they are such good kids.  My son has never spoken like that to or about anyone before, he is always so kind and sensitive so for him to say this is tearing me apart.  I feel that I could just lay down and die.  My children are all I have all I've ever cared about and now they hate me and want to be away from me.  I had a Dr's appt right after my son said that to find out the results from some biopsies (my dad had colon cancer at my age) and I found myself PRAYING with all my heart and soul that he would tell me I  had cancer.  Well he said that something got screwed up so they have to do it again in May.  See how I got totally off track and made this about me?   HATE WHEN I DO THAT!! THAT'S WHY I STAY AWAY FROM PEOPLE.  My point was suppose to be that I want so badly to belong to your "family" because you guys are the kindest most understanding people I have ever come across, but I don't feel that I am good enough to be part of what you have.  I guess I'm just a loser in real life and in cyberspace.  You guys are so lucky to have eachother!  I come on here several times everyday and read all of your posts and it makes me feel a little better, I can pretend that I am a part of something and that I have friends, and then I feel a little less lonely.  I have come to care deeply about all of you and find myself thinking about you throughout the day and hoping that you are all o.k.   I know I must sound like a complete fruitcake.  I'm sorry.  Tikiismykitty, if I could take away all your sadness and loneliness I would in a heart beat.  Please take care of yourself.

Everyone has value on this forum and everyone belongs. I so hope we can help you get over the not belonging feeling you have. Obviously something has happened in your life to strip away your self confidence and self worth and I hope we can help you with that too. You are a part of this family and don't doubt that for a moment.

luv and hugs

Marlee

Dear Michelle, we spoke awhile back, I don't know if you remember, but I do. I am so terribly sorry you having a bad time w/ everything, esp. your children. Like most mothers, you would do anything to keep them safe, healthy, & happy - they are your world. It hurts when they lash out at you, unfortunately, children do this. They can be very selfish, self-centered creatures. Usually, it takes yrs (and children of their own) for them to realize how hurtful they were to their parents. I can think of a sibling of my own that was/is like that.

Pls don't "pretend' you are part of this family, YOU ARE a part of this family. I can't always get on as often as I would like to, sometimes, I'm just so drained I don't respond in 'type', but I keep all our 'family' members in my heart and my prayers. We are all worthwhile ppl, worthy of other's care and concern.

I know you are concerned about the biopsies, and the redo. We have gone thru that thing of waiting and wondering, but pls don't wish for cancer. I've gone thru waiting w/ too many family members for results of testing and too many times gettting the bad news, you don't want that, neither do your children, nor the members of this family. 

While my favorite site is this one, the folks here are terrific, I do check out some of the other forums. I would also suggest you check out the one for Depression, like Rich suggested, and also speak w/ your dr. But, remember you are not a bother, you are an important member of this family. We want to hear from you.

Patti, thank you for bringing this up, I am sorry to say, I didn't see this before.

God bless.   Alice.

Hurtful things are said but you can't take it to heart.  The kids are young and think they are adults and can say whatever.  Plus, you had just punished him for his poor grades.  He was angry and he probably knew you could hear him, too.  He doesn't hate you...he's just really angry with  you right now but that will pass.  I had hurtful things said to me, too, and now that my children are fully grown, they just can't do enough for me and they realize I really was a good Mom.  I always told them that I loved them BUT I was not out to win a popularity contest.  I was going to do what I felt was best for them.

Even though I was hurt, I never let on.  I figured that if they knew things bothered me, they would do it all the more, so I just played it cool.  Also, as Marlee said, when there is a divorce, kids are smart and will play one parent against the other.  You and your ex need to get your heads together so this "game" isn't being played.  Your children really do love you and they will realize it more and more as they grow in maturity.   

Now, you see, I started talking about me, too!  LOL  I do that all of the time because that's how I can relate to people about my experiences.  That's what you are doing too.  So don't feel badly that your discussions talk about you.  You are here for help and to give help and you can only go by your personal experiences.

So, since you are now a part of this fibro family I feel I can say this.  Stop the negative thinking!  You are a part of this family and we really care about everyone...including little ol' you!  You have a lot on your plate and you are handling it.  It isn't easy raising teenagers and here you are doing it by yourself when  you suffer from  chronic pain!  Goodness, Girl, you are amazing!  So, don't put yourself down.  You have a lot to give and are giving it. We will be here for you but try not to be so hard on yourself.  Think of all the good things you do for your family.  I'm sure that list is longer than you realize.  Put a smile on that face and be determined to enjoy your life. 

Sherrine   

Fireandice,

I agree with everyone here.  You are valuable and a welcome part of your family . . . and your kids are being kids - self centered teenagers.   That is normal for that age.  When mine were that age, I used to wonder how parents did it without going absolutely insane.  I went back to school when both of mine were in high school.  By that time they were at friends' homes all the time and rarely home.  They complained that I was never there for them since I went back to school, so I changed my schedule and only took classes that occured while they were at school and was home after school to be there for them.  Know what?  I was home by myself! So I took the classes I needed when the classes were offered.  No reason to stay at home by myself!  They are 20 and 23 and they still don't get that!  One daughter used to guilt trip me every time she didn't get her way and another would throw little screaming fits.  Thank God they don't do that anymore.  I would never do this, but sometimes I thought jokingly, wonder if I could just feed them under the door of their bedrooms and keep them in there during these years! 

Did you ever hear Bill Cosby's take on teenagers?  He said the brain stem becomes detached from the brain at about age 13 and does not grow back until the child is in his or her 20s! (sorry younger people on here!!)

hugs,

Sue