What do you do for a living ...

I need serious help. My mother told me last night that she is embarrassed to say she has a daughter. I realize that the only thing that seems to matter in this world is answering this question -"what do you do for a living?"

I dont know what to do as I cant seem to make enough money to live on my own in new jersey (united states). I live with my mother who never acknowledges my illness. Any job I got my mother was not happy with it and would tell me to "get a real job". I was lucky to get myself to work - when i was a bank teller the pain became so unbearable that i would get stuck in certain position - like my body would just freeze. I quit after 9 agonizing months.

I've been sick since i was 15years old, went to college thinking this illness (cfs - fibromyalgia) was only supposed to last at most 10 years according to doctors but here I am at 34 (just had a birthday in april) and still in pain, brain fog, and stuck with doctors who look at me and say "keep doing what your doing" (bc i take vitamins and try to exercise) - i just started beginer yoga for stretching which helps) Anyway, i will stop babbling.

Any advice would be great. I have a bachelor in communication/public relations/journalism, graphic design certified -though its been years back to adobe 6.0.

What do you do for a living? Can you pay your bills?

Post Edited (kissi) : 4/28/2009 10:18:23 PM (GMT-6)

I grew up in the NE, Manhattan to be exact. I remember how competitive the lifestyle could be. We were reared to be competitive and successful. Even when I was in published books my mother kept asking "What do you do for a living." lol

You are your own definition of success. Having a chronic illness is hard. Try to be your own cheering section at home. We are.

Donnaeil

Yo Kissi!! 

I'm a former Jersey Girl myself!!!  Lived everywhere in central NJ!!  But I left there about 10 years ago and moved to the heartland.. Indiana.  I love it here.  I was "up to here" with NJ.  I couldn't stand the over population, traffic and people with their "Jersey attitude" not to mention the 4 rounds of Lyme Disease!!

OK... back to your topic.  When I was your age (I'm 51 now) I was a hairdresser and the main bread winner in my family.  I worked my butt off.  It was hard to make a decent living in NJ.  The cost of living there is outragious (sp?).  I wasn't as sick as I am today.  But it was hard.  I had young son and we barely got by.  I was married to a guy that was a professional musician and he was also a professional alcoholic, so what ever money he made he drank.  It was a hard hard time in my life.

When I moved here I changed my life... a lot!!  I got into the non profit world and became a leader in that arenea.  I was in an executive postion for a few years and it almost killed me.  The stress brought on a flare from hell... not to mention I was not in a very good postion to take care of myself.  I gave up my job about 6 mons ago.  Next week, I go back into the lions mouth again and return to work, but this time as an admin. asst.  Full time.. I'm hoping I can handle it.

It sounds like you're well educated!!  That's great.  But we don't just fall into the perfect job.  Even if we don't have fibro.  Shoot, I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. 

Have you ever thought about getting a career evaluation???  Sometimes your state has a program that's free!!  Or perhaps you can find something online to evaluate your future.

I'm sorry your mom is pressuring you to find a "real job".  If I were to try to make it alone on my income I couldn't do it.  I've had a pretty diverse work history, but my body doesn't agree with allowing me to do some of the things my resume would encourage.

I wish you the best of luck and I also wanted to welcome you to the forum.  There are lots of folks here that are more than willing to help you deal with your fibro issues.  Be sure to check out firbo 101 .. the second thread on the forum.  There's lots of great info on there to help you cope.

Take care!!

I was just diagnosed a couple of weeks ago. I am a dispatcher - I work for a fortune 500 company and arrange for trucks to move our fresh meat product from our plants or distribution centers to our customers. This can be a very stressful and demanding position. The stress of this has caused my flares to become worse over the past couple of years - before I even knew what I had. I have been having serious fibro fog which is not good in this position and I am making little mistakes that can cause huge problems in this business. I feel exceptionally crappy and "out of it" this week. My employer is aware of my situation and luckily they are going to try to help. I am going to be demoted basically. They are going to try to find another position for me that will be less stressful and have only forty hours a week with a more flexible schedule.  Hopefully I will be able to stay within the same general department and I will only have to take a small (keeping my fingers crossed) paycut.  With the economy being what it is there isn't much room to move around so it might take a little while.  When people are retiring or quitting most positions aren't being filled - the work is having to be sucked up by everybody else in the department. I just have hope now that there is a light at the end of the tunnel for now.  Everybody has to make adjustments I guess.

Hey there!
My mom refused to recognize my pain. My grandma told me that it is because she can't bear to think of her little girl being hurt. I"m 32!
Anyways, as my pain got worse, I had to make some major career changes. I worked for a major company making pretty decent money. I had a baby who is now 16 months old. I can only work for a max of 6 hours before I deteriorate. I have a part time job at the pet store. I took a huge pay cut. But it's not all bad. I LOVE ANIMALS! And money isn't everything. We just had to cut our spending and be really creative with any extra money we do have. I also had to cash out some of my retirement so that we could afford to live because I couldn't work during the last trimester of my pregnancy and I wanted to stay home with my only child for the first few months.
So, my husband goes to work at 6am. He comes home and we eat lunch. I take a power nap and go to work at 5pm -10pm. On weekends, I work 6 hour shifts.
It's really tough taking care of a baby, working, taking care of myself, the house, the pets that seems to adopt us.
But we make it work.
I feel kinda embarrassed about my employment. But it's honest work and honest money. I went from wearing a suit and sitting in numberous meeting and conference calls to cashiering, catching fish and such. I run into everyone I know at my work and I sometimes feel stupid. But, the economy is bad and I'm willing to do anything I physically can to contribute to our finances. It's weird not being the bread winner.
And it's my fault that I don't want to put my daughter in daycare.
So, that's what I do!

Thank you for your replies. Very informative and helpful.


UPDATE: I really think my mother's negativity is an illness.

Tonight my mom was just going off like a lunatic saying that I do nothing all day but stare at the ceiling (not true) and that she doesnt believe that i am really sick -thats the nice things she said, some things I either blocked out or just literally cant remember bc my head hurts so bad. All i said to her was that I thought it was best that we didnt talk to each other and that I dont deserve all the things she was saying to me and she said oh dont give me that **** stop trying to be a martr.

It is so hard to stay focused on what i need to do when she is beating me up through my bedroom door. I didnt do her dishes or clean the bathroom today like I normally do bc I didnt feel she deserved it. Do you think I should have? I cant believe I am stuck like this.

I've wanted to look for housing assistance but I havent had a job for over a year, made it 10 months once so would they even consider me? I will look into it but I feel trapped there too bc mom works for the county and she will find out everything and probably be even more "embarrassed " of me and create more hell.

I will be tutoring at the school tomorrow. I am dreading it bc i feel mentally and emotionally drained. Hopefully i will wake feeling better, stronger tomorrow.

After reading the responses on here I must say that I feel a bit better and somewhat hopeful and definitely not alone in my job situation. Thank you so much.

Love to all.

Hi Kissi ,
Sorry to hear about all your troubles , It is hard enough living with mom , had to live with mine after left x husband and had to go on antidepresants and we didn't even know about the fibro then , and I was the one paying all the bills , was working at a bingo six nights a week , Think moms just get moody cause they figure it's there time to live alone . But anyway you should be very proud of your degree , it's alot more than most people have . I use to clean houses , I still clean two small ones and work at a bingo the money is great , good tips at bingo , and I set the pay on house's , use to have a house everyday , but rumey told me u will no when to quit and I did .Am waiting on social security now , My husband pretty much takes care of us , but every once in awhile I hear I don't do anything , I just remind him , I was the one who made ends meet when he was off work getting knee surgey and hand surgey , he played alot of football so he has had eack knee done 3 times , and when he goes off work , he likes to take advantage and stay home longer . Wish I could help ya , I myself went out one day and landed a job cleaning while applying for social , got home and said to my self , WHAT ARE U DOING , it is hard cause I want to work but know I can't do these long hours . I would sugest somthing with short hours where u get tip, the people I clean for know about my illness , and are ok with me coming on different days , they even gave me key . Well take care honey and try not to stress your self to much you should be proud.

Crystal

I'm so sorry to hear you're getting so much negativity from your mother. Hopefully some of the ideas previous posters mentioned will help you out.

To answer your question, I work in a vet clinic part time. Generally I'm at work by 6am, and I only work for about 3 hours a day, 5 days a week. And some days even that completely wipes me out. Today I was only in for a little over two hours, was just in agony, and I came home and took a 3 1/2 hour nap. I'd be hard pressed to support myself these days, and the cost of living is lower here in the midwest. Our family lives off my husband's income, basically.

Hey.. I can completely relate. I live in Jersey as well. I was diagnosed with fibro a few weeks ago after being in pain for over a year with no relief in sight. I work as an EMT which is such a physically draining job without having to deal with fibro. trying to get my mother to acknowledge my condition is like pulling teeth.. so just keeps saying, go into nursing or become a medic. well as you know living in Jersey.. you cant afford school! I have had such fibro fog lately that my bills are all screwed up and the bank account i share with my hubby is $27 overdrawn. I messed up. Sadly i had to go to my mother for a loan to make it thru the week and of course i got the guilt trip. I tried to explain to her about dealin w fibro and doctors appointments 5 times and week and the pain and stress levels but if you dont have fibro you dontn understand, What i am trying to get at is that i completely understand my dear!

Good advice from all. Kerri is right about speaking with agencies who help others find homes and get back on their feet. They are more than willing to share info, phone numbers and contacts of others who can help you. My relatives, though they don't/ won't realize/ are condescending about my fibro, and treat me like I am "slow" as well now, which is so distasteful. I cannot stand to be around them when I am feeling ill because they sap whatever strength I have that day. You should not feel guilty about the same. I bet you will qualify for assistance if you are living by your self. Your first priority is taking care of you, not your mother. Good luck and welcome.