i tried to run away.

ive been absent for a while now... i ran away on purpose. i would go to this site and then quickly change the subject in my brain to something else... one day i asked why? why had the safe haven turned to a place of avoidance? a woman i call my friend and mentor (with all fibro related) told me there is a process thats very similar in our journey with having fibro. i think i realized i was at a place of trying to run away... or what i thought was "moving on". I received my diagnosis in march. i had been through three years of back and forth trying to find answers.... i had been WAITING for that very day... and yet, as i sat with the phone in my hand after the doctor had called i was suddenly without a cause. i was suddenly left without a search, without a hunt... i was left with a diagnosis. she prescribed me lyrica which i admit did help a little... but that little wasn't enough to constitute the weight gain or other adverse affects. she recommended a switch to cymbalta.... i started that monday and on tuesday i had to stay home sick with a stomach bug going around(or so i thought). on thursday i went to work per usual and at around 10am i started feeling so strange. i was telling customers the wrong info even though i knew good and well what the right answer was! at about 10:30 i starting feeling severe vertigo. i couldn't think straight... i was planted in my chair and couldnt move. i was there in body but the rest of me had the feeling of slipping away. i somehow drove to my mothers work and someone mentioned that my pupils were HUGE. they said i looked like a typical severely dehydrated person, so mom decided to call my doctor. while she was calling i could feel myself slipping away again... only this time i couldnt come back. i could hear my mom shouting at me to look at her but i couldnt speak or move. the doctor said go to the ER immediately. i spent almost 6 hours there and they couldnt figure out what was wrong... it wasnt dehydration. i luckily had an AMAZING ER doctor. :) he finally looked at me and said i think its the cymbalta. so he called my rheumy who had prescribed it and asked what she wanted me to do... her opinion was although it could be what caused my trip to the ER she thought i should stay on it. we allll including my ER dr were appauled. he said he would never want to step on toes but he recommended i stay away. he had never seen anything like it. later i read about cymbalta and listed under the "go to hospital immediately" severe reactions were mine. cymbalta had done a major work on my brain... it took my body a good week to recover. i've been so up and down lately. that made me mad... then work was stressful and i felt like i had too much on my plate. i'm used to going into survival mode... but i've learned with my fibro all that does is cause a flare. do i really have to deal with emotions as they come? can't i just shove them aside for another day? everything turned from fighting to get my diagnosis... fighting to prove i was right, that i wasnt crazy in the head... well i got my justification, but there really isnt a reward for this. i remembered i needed you guys. so i'm back. i need to be around those who understand.... i need to talk and vent about this area of my life. i need to not be okay... and i need yall because you understand why.

thank you for being here even when i go away for a little while.

thank you for being you.

Oh Sunshine!!!

I am so glad you came back to your fibro family!!! My heart was in tears when I read what you've been through. I totally agree with those ER folks..it was the cymbalta that you were reacting to. I tried one dose and was so darn sick that I never took another pill. Ultimately it is YOUR decision whether you take a pill or not, but I think you are very wise to go with the majority and especially with 'your gut' feelings and stop taking it.

I truly believe that we go through a mourning process after a diagnosis like fibromyalgia. The denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. We each experience these in different amounts and maybe different orders but I do think we often go through the process. Our old life is gone and we long for it to come back. But the people here are living proof that you can lead a wonderful life even WITH fibro...or in spite of it maybe. Hang on my dear Sunshine (extending hand) and we'll help you get to where you are in a more secure and comfortable place. No more running...you're going to be OK.

Please know what you are loved and appreciated here. We need you to help us all keep going. With more of us pulling together the load is easier for each one of us.

Hugs,
Chutzie

LittleMissSunshine I'm sorry you have been going through so much. Even though we need to have a dx it doesn't make having fibro any easier. Yes there are a lot worse things we could have but having fibro is devastating. And then to have such reactions to the meds that are suppose to help you.

 

I'm so glad you came back to your fibro family so we can be here for you and try to help you through this.

 

luv and hugs

Marlee

I think reality hit you LittleMissSunshine- and it is not easy at first to come to terms with. On occasion it is still surreal that this has happened to me. It's hard to let go of the old us. The good part of getting a diagnosis is that you "know" what is going on with your body and that it is not anything terminal or another disease that could be worse. Now it is time to grieve and then get on with your life and living again.

We are all here for you!

Jill