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Everything seems to be getting to me...Someone please help me.

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Posted 6/10/2009 1:38 AM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone. I have not been doing well the past few days. I have been really stressed out, and everything seems to be getting on my nerves. I don't really even know why I am so stressed out. I mean, I know I am stressed about bills, but I usually am. Everything seems to be getting on my nerves. It's really depressing me. I have been in a lot of pain. I am just having a really hard time dealing with all of this.

I was diagnosed almost a year ago. But I am still getting used to having this illness. I just sometimes don't know how to get through it. I don't know how to function everyday with this illness. I wake up and it is there. I go to sleep and it is there. Everyday. How does everyone else deal with it? How can I learn to deal with this illness? Will I ever learn? I could really use some advice.

Also, I feel like my husband isn't there for me like he used to be. Nowadays when he asks me what is wrong and I tell him I am in pain he responds with something like, "Why don't you do something about it?" (Which means "Go take a pain pill.") Sometimes, I just want him to hold me. To comfort me. I feel like he is getting annoyed with me and my illness. I don't know if it is that or if he just feel helpless when it comes to helping me when I am in pain. I just don't know. But it seems like he really doesn't want to hold me or comfort me in the ways that he used to. It makes me feel really sad. Sometimes, I just need him to hold me. Sometimes, I just need him to be there for me instead of telling me to take a pain pill or to lie down. Sometimes, when he says things like that, it hurts. I feel like he says those things so I will stop bothering him. But he is the one who asks me what is wrong, and then he will get frustrated when I don't tell him. It feels like a lose/lose situation for me.

Posted 6/10/2009 2:37 AM (GMT 0)

Sassy, I am relatively newly diagnosed too.  I noticed that when I am in pain, I am more cranky and irritible and that creates more pain.  The cycle can make things a lot worse.  Stress is your sympathetic nervous system responding with increased heart rate, shallow breathing, tensed muscles, etc.  I learned that if you can lower one of the sympathetic nervous system responses, the others will go down, too.  So deep slow breathing can actually help alleviate the stress reaction of your body. 

It took my hubby a very long time to learn to hold me when I needed it.  Keep reminding yours.  "I need you to hold me."  Then of course, praise him lots when he does.  Maybe it is counter intuitive for guys.  But maybe the reminding will help.  Eventually my hubby caught on.

In the meantime, this forum is helpful.  Maybe an in person support group of others with fibro would help too (if you can find one).  It is hard to come to terms with this.  I am going through the same thing: it is here all the time.  I keep hoping one day I will wake up and it will all have been a mistake.  Then I try to do some of the things I used to do and discover it is not a mistake.  I take Sherrine's story to heart and hope to someday build back up some strength and endurance.

big gentle hugs,

Sue

Posted 6/10/2009 2:13 PM (GMT 0)
Sassy- it is not easy having fibro.  sad  I have had it a little over a year now and it can get s-o-o-o frustrating. The huge thing I have learned is taking this "One Day At A Time" or they would have carted me away to the funny farm by now! Support is a biggy too, and I don't know what I would do without my fibro family, family, and friends. Let hubby know when you need to be "just held", they don't operate on emotions, and he needs you to tell him that.

I too get irritated easily when I am having lots of pain, worried about finances etc., and I do my very best not to take it out on others. I stick to myself or don't go out and about then when I am really irritable. I think it's human to feel the way you do.

We will adapt to this, I know I have learned alot over this past year and I am sure you have too. Hope you start to feel better soon-

Jill

 

Posted 6/10/2009 3:20 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Sassy,

I think that the best advice that I can give to you is to try to take life one day at a time. That is all that we can do. Try not to worry about the future or dwell on the past.

Have you thought about antidepressants? Or if you are already on them, maybe a mood stabilizer. I take both and they really help a lot. It helps you handle stress better.

Also there is meditation. That helps me too. Often I try to stay busy so that the pain goes to the back of my mind. Though I have a high pain tolerance and I can deal with it. It is the fatigue that gets me the most.

Best wishes to you and I hope that this has helped in some small way.

Take care my friend.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 6/10/2009 3:48 PM (GMT 0)
Sassy, you have been given good advice but I do have something to add.  We've discussed this a lot on the forum.  Men don't think like we think.  They are on another planet half the time so your husband really doesn't know what to do for you!

 

So, the next time he says, "Why don't you do something for it" when you tell him you are in pain, just tell him you are doing something.  You are talking to your best friend and you think a gentle hug would help you a lot.  You know, sometimes we have to let our husband know our wishes.  Their minds are on completely different things than our minds.  If you do this enough, he'll get the hint and then when you tell him you are in a lot of pain, he'll wrap his arms around you to comfort you.  (Right now he is probably afraid to touch you for fear he'll cause more pain.)

 

Sherrine

Posted 6/10/2009 3:53 PM (GMT 0)
Oh Sassy, I can soooooo relate. I have been dealing with Fibro, for almost twenty years. At first, I managed ok. Then as years went by, it wore me down to a fragile shell resembling only slightly, what I once was. I feel people tend to shy away from me because, I do get irritable and cranky when I am in pain, all the bills come due, I cannot just go out and work to bring in the money to keep up, because the Fibro is there, everyday, when I wake up. Some days are a little better than others and I try to get more done on those days, but lately I have been struggling so hard, working so hard, to find ways to survive. It gets really lonely in here. I live alone now, my son was living with me until my savings were depleted and he hit the road when I could no longer pay his bills, and mine. I tried so hard to get him into a Trade School, spent lavishly on his fees, his outstanding fines, got him a car, insured it, and now, when I'm out of funds, I am sitting here alone. Granted, I am not the best company when under a great deal of stress, and in pain, who would be? Therefore, I tend to push people away, I guess. the "one day at a time" approach, is best. Every night I go to sleep hoping for a better tomorrow. Lately, every day I awaken, it's still there, "shoot," that same old pain and stiffness. I am sorry not to have anything more inspirational for you, today. Maybe tomorrow. All I can say, is what I say to myself, hourly, "hang in there". I guess, I too must be in a "flare" as these past four or five days I have been in more pain than I can remember. So, maybe, "this too, will pass", soon I hope. How does one stop beating themselves up about not functioning well? Especially when doubted by unbelievers.
Posted 6/10/2009 3:57 PM (GMT 0)
{{{{Lots of Hugs}}}}

Sassy....I understand your stress/frustrations. I have to take care of the bills for the house and having to keep delegating duties to my husband can be so frustrating. Sometimes they just don't 'think' as far as were concerned. Have to remind them like you do with children. Have you sat down and had a heart to heart conversation about how FM is affecting him as well as you? Keep expressing how you "need" him to hold you. Find ways to relax...deep breathing (like Sue said) while laying in a quiet room helps me.

I know that having Fibro is very challenging to our spirit as well as our bodies physically. Whenever someone has a disease/condition that effects them in a way that it will make a difference in their day to day lives it is normal to have to mourn your "life" before. I know I have. I've cried, gotten mad and pushed myself through days of pain thinking it really must be "all in my head"(paid for those greatly!) I have many of discussions with my dh to help me every way possible(house cleaning, paying bills, shopping....and just be there for me)

I wish you a more stressless day.

Many hugs,
Posted 6/10/2009 8:09 PM (GMT 0)
One day at a time Sassy, that's all we can do. I do what I can do everyday, today I pushed too hard and I'm paying for it, I should know better by now. I have had this many years now and I still can't look at the big picture or I would get so depressed I would quit trying. I count my blessings and all that I can do quite often. Your there for your husband and baby and that is a blessing each day and we have to dwell on that, not what we can't do and the pain. There are a lot of young mothers out there fighting terminal illnesses and, I know having fibro isn't fair, but they would gladly trade places with you to see their child's next birthday or your next anniversary with your DH.

 

Yes, you do have to make your feelings clear to your DH cause they don't get it.

 

luv and hugs

Marlee

Posted 6/10/2009 10:35 PM (GMT 0)
Fibro is confusing for men to understand ... men like to fix things. When they can't fix things they don't know what to do. It's quite probable that your hubby is scared to death of making your pain worse so he prefers to tell you "Take a pain pill and lie down." (with an unspoken "far away from me so I can't hurt you more than you already are.") Have you asked him to lie down with you, or told him that you would really appreciate a snuggle with the best pillow in the world?
Posted 6/10/2009 10:59 PM (GMT 0)

I really appreciate all the advice. You guys are like family to me. Actually, you are more supportive than some members of my family. I will have a talk with my hubby. It's weird because most of the time, he knows what is wrong with me, what I am thinking, and things like that, but when it matters the most, it seems that he is completely oblivious. I guess that is just men for you. LOL. I am just having a really hard time dealing with all of this. I know that I need to take it one day at a time, but sometimes that is really hard to do.

It is hard to find a quiet place to relax most of the time because I have a 19 month old son who keeps me very busy or is very loud, or both. So, that makes it kind of hard to find some quiet time. But, I love my son with all my heart.

Anyways. I am having a major fibro fog moment, so I can't really remember all that I was going to say. Thank you all for everything.

Posted 6/11/2009 1:50 PM (GMT 0)
Try to give him things to read about it. Help him to understand what your going through. I have sent emails to my husband to let him read what Fibromyalgia is. I told him just last year after three years of this, I asked him how he feels when he gets the flu. I said think about that and then know I feel like I have a case of the flu most everyday. He could understand that. I said how do you feel when you get so sleepy at church some times and can't keep your eyes open. I said know you know how I feel in the mornings. and during the day. Try to give him things he can relate to if at all possible. I know it helped my husband. The only thing that is hard for me, is the intimate feelings have gone away. he has been so nice about that too. But we try to work through it with keeping him informed. Not that he feels like holding me like I want him to when I cry and get so down about this. Or like now when my daughter is staying away because I don't act like she wants me too. So I don't get to see the new baby and therefore I am very stressed out.
I hope this has helped, but try the information for him. I email it to my husband because he gets up early and reads his email and then he has time to soak it in.
hugs
Deb
Posted 6/11/2009 7:22 PM (GMT 0)
My hubby and I have done a lot of fibro research together, so he knows a lot. He does understand my pain because he has scoliosis and he is in a lot of pain most of the time as well. He is really understanding. I think a lot of the time, he just doesn't understand what to do for me because he doesn't want to hurt me and stuff like that. So, he does know a lot, and he does understand as much as it is possible for someone who doesn't have fibro to understand. Plus, we are both having a really rough time dealing with our bills. We have disconnect notices, and we are trying to find help. Our town is kind of a dying town, so it is very hard to find a job here. We are praying he will get this one job that he recently applied for. We're just praying that we will catch a break somehow.
Posted 6/11/2009 7:36 PM (GMT 0)

Sassy, We to sometimes get a little overwhelmed and cranky, but we are here to help in a small way of support. I have not been doing well for the passed week and no sleep has made my Fibro pain worse from head to toe, even my tongue hurts. Go figure.

Hara

Posted 6/12/2009 7:03 PM (GMT 0)
Hara,

I am sorry to hear that you have not been sleeping. Do you use any kind of sleep aid? I have been on lots of different meds to help me sleep. Lunesta, Ambien, Trazodone. I am currently on Trazodone, and I love it. It really helps me sleep. I hope things start going better for you.

Posted 6/13/2009 6:09 AM (GMT 0)
I was in so much pain today when I went to my dr's office today I just about bit his head off. I am defenitly finding a new doc.  I asked him about the cough I had and how I could not breath right no matter what he heard or didn't hear in my lungs. He says, "Well I offered you a steriod and you didn't take it." I said, "You offered me Prednizone which I'm allergic to and could potentually kill me, as my Rheumy found out." I just asked for a steriodial Inhaler and a different inhaler because the ProAir wasn't working for me. Well I got the steriodial inhaler and the pain killers today. I just have to go back to get the other inhalers tomorrow. Plus I am now taking 1500 mg of Metphormin so my diabetes medication has gone from 500mg ER to 500mg 3times a day. I told him my scalp hurt and went on down the line even telling him my tongue hurt. He looked at my tongue, listened to my lungs but that was it really. Usually I get asked if I'm drinking enough fluids or rather water but he didn't even do that.

HARA - FMS, MDD, Anxiety, Sleep Apea, Diabetes2, tendonitis, Asthma

Posted 6/13/2009 7:01 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Sassy, its hard. When I let my boyfriend know how I am feeling, he gets mad and walks out. I was taking that very personally and it hurt then I got angry, you probably know the cycle. What the real problem was, as WhiteChocChip stated men and women communicate differently. With my boyfriend, I came to him later in the day when I was calmer and hopefully he would be too and asked why he keeps getting mad at me when he asks how my pain is and I tell him? What a MAN answer I got back. He was mad at himself because he is suppose to fix-it and make it better. Realizing he cannot fix or repair it made him angry and he walked away feeling useless and helpless...of course, in my mind, that did not justify being rude as I percieved him,however had to give him credits for talking and ackowledging the issue. It helped for more conversations and is getting better now. I also say I NEED A HUG! and I get one. I wish it could be natural without me saying something but hey we are living in reality, right?
Posted 6/13/2009 7:05 AM (GMT 0)
Oh that is so sweet. Now that is the way a relationship is suppose to be....Aawww

HARA

Posted 6/13/2009 5:24 PM (GMT 0)
Not having a job income in the home is extremely stressful. Your husband is faced with having a family that he cannot support. No wonder the two of you are stressed. Moreover the two of few live with daily pain.

I do not know if this will do much good but please contact your local United Way, churches, St. Vincent DePaul, Catholic Community Services and whatever else is available in your town for assistance. Something has got to give for you.

I realize your town is dying so a move might be a consideration. Also, returning to college online and living off of PELL Grants, scholarships, student loans and work study might just be the thing for both of you.

When I was completely broke and a divorced parent of three I went back to school taking online courses. This is how I was able to afford living. Since our world is in a recession, this is the best time to be in school. You can prepare for future employment be it at an out of home job or one that you perform at home so you can be with your child.

I would also suggest going on medication. In addition to mood stabilizers and antidepressants some muscle relaxants, like zanaflex, can guarantee you a good nights sleep. I cannot take the muscle relaxants in the daytime because they make me too sleepy but a night, yesssss.

Donnaeil
Posted 6/13/2009 8:11 PM (GMT 0)
Yes, we are stressed about our situation. Our town is a dying town, it really is. Ours is one of the top three cities in the NATION for unemployment, and it looks like we are about to lose another of our big factories. I would love to move, but it just isn't possible at the moment. I wish it was.
We are going to go the the trustee's office and see what help they can offer. There is also this other thing that is called Community Partners for Child Safety. They helped a friend of mine get her lights back on and they gave her a $200 credit on it as well. So, We are going to try to contact them and see if they can help us. I guess they offer things like diapers and such as well. Wish us luck or pray for us, or whatever.
Things have been pretty stressful for me with housework. I have been trying to keep the house clean, but, my husband and I are not doing the best when it comes to that. So, I need to get in the habit of doing better with that.

What colleges out there are competely online but accept grants? I haven't found any, and I can't sit in a classroom. I would love to go back to school, but I need a completely online school.

Anyways. I really appreciate all the support and advice. It really means a lot to me to know that I have all of you here for me.

Posted 6/13/2009 8:47 PM (GMT 0)
Sassy,

If possible, try checking out any colleges that might be in your area. I am enrolled in our local community college and am able to take all of my classes online. (In fact, you could probably enroll in our local CC and take all of your classes online..I know of a girl who lives 3 hours away from the school and still takes classes online) I know a lot of colleges offer online classes now. I hope you are able to find something!

Also, I don't know about you or your husband's situation, but if either of you lost a job because your company moved overseas, you can get full unemployment and school paid for for up to two years by your state. That's the way it is here in Michigan, and I think this falls under NAFTA, so it should be available in all states.

I hope things get better for you...hang in there and know that we care!

{{{{gentle hugs}}}}
Posted 6/14/2009 12:09 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Sleepy. I really do want to go back to school, so I am going to look around for online colleges that accept grants. Neither my husband nor I qualify for unemployment. I lost my last job because I called in a lot because of my health. I wasn't there long enough and didn't work enough hours each day to qualify for unemployment. I wish I did. It would be a big help.
Posted 6/14/2009 7:28 AM (GMT 0)
Try your local community colleges. They are easy to get into and should have online classes. Just think, if you both return to school you will have 2 parents at home for your child.

You can also apply for the State Department of Vocational Rehab. They pay for school also if you qualify. Try everything. Call more than one charitable organization.

Also look into the community college job retraining programs and displaced home makers (this is even for married women).

Donnaeil
Posted 6/14/2009 4:02 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks so much. I will look into those things.
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