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Posted 6/12/2009 5:49 AM (GMT 0)
I saw my rheumatologist yesterday to talk to her about my stupid Insurance Carrier who has, for the 3rd time, denied my claim. I have worked 1/2 time through the worst of my condition - all last year. Only on May1st, 2009 did I go back full-time. (Which is AWESOME) But the last letter they wrote they basically disagreed with the diagnosis, even though they've never met me.

Anyway, the rheumy said there's "mild, moderate and severe" fibromyalgia and then she said she considered mine severe. Wow. I was kinda shocked at this. I was expecting her to say "mild" or something because I'm able to work now and I feel great. Got all my energy back and everything. Although I'm still on 3 drugs every day.

I don't know why I'm here saying this - it's just that as I think of it today it makes me kinda sad. I mean...on the one hand, when she writes a follow-up letter and says that it should help my claim. So at first I was happy about it. But now I'm sad. Not depressed...I'm still optimistic and hopeful and all...but sad.

It's a really weird thing and I guess I'm not making much sense. Sorry!
Posted 6/12/2009 6:14 AM (GMT 0)
Hey K9! Sorry you have had so many problems with your insurance, but it sounds like your doctor is willing to help you get the benefits you need and deserve. Thank goodness for the good docs!
Be glad that you are doing well regardless of the 'severe' diagnosis -- I'm really happy for you! My fibro is also considered severe, but I'm not able to do as much as you. Suspect my age and other things that don't work right anymore also complicate the issue!
You certainly do not need to apologize for your post -- you have the right to share your feelings here -- we are all in this together -- fibro is really hard to cope with alone, in my opinion. Glad you are still optimistic! Good for you!
(((hugs)))
Shash
Posted 6/12/2009 12:38 PM (GMT 0)
No matter what your doc calls it she is helping you to get your benefits. I agree that fibro affects everyone differently. Look at our little group here we have some that work full time and have a family to take care of and some in wheelchairs. My son and DIL knows a woman that was fighting fires up til a year ago with fibro. If they were to put all that gear on me I would collapse under the weight and never make it to a fire.

 

luv and hugs

Marlee

Posted 6/12/2009 4:23 PM (GMT 0)
Hi K9 -

I had exactly this same thing happen last week.  My pARNP wrote an appeal letter to my insurance for long term disability.  Last week I got a call from them saying that my LTD had been approved.

So yeah - it was this huge relief.  I won't have to go back to a work situation that I just can't handle right now.  I'd have to function at a very high level for the work I do - it wouldn't have been a good thing for either me or the co. I work for.

But there was also this real sense of loss.  And yes - it made me sad.

I think you are a positive person too.  I mostly don't dwell on all the things I used to do in my "previous life" when I was very active.  Instead I am thankful for what I can do now - like last Sat. I went to a movie with my wife, we spent an hour walking around the duck pond by the theater, and then had dinner.  It was really fun.

But then things happen that bring our losses back into focus - and we end up with a feeling of loss - and feel sad.

Anyways, your post makes perfect sense to me.

Posted 6/12/2009 4:48 PM (GMT 0)
I am constantly reminded of something and I will start to weep, sometimes I dont even know why. I just need to grieve the life I thought I was going to have. Doesnt mean that this new one has to be horrible, just different than I planned.

I used to work with disabled children and when I did I remember a metaphor that used to circulate about what it felt like as a parent to suddenly realize that the "perfect" child you were hoping for is not quite the same vision that was given to you...they said it was like planning a trip to France, you pack your suitcases with clothes suitable for the weather there, you learn to speak French, you get some maps etc...then you get on the plane all excited about seeing the effeil tower only to get dropped of in Iowa. Perfectly fine place to vacation, but not what you anticipated or planned for. Bottoms line: It takes time to adjust.

I think the metaphor works with FM too. It is a shock to get over the initial Dx and to grieve and then you can move on...pack your bag for a new destination, you know?

Regarding the LTD from your work...wow call me naive, but I guess I was hoping that since I was on short term disability that it would be a breeze to move into LTD...sounds like it is very much NOT the case!?! I am just now sending in my paperwork for LTD. How long does it take to get your first payment? Any payment??
Posted 6/13/2009 7:10 PM (GMT 0)
I guess everyone's insurance carrier is different so there's no standard answer to that.

I think my sadness comes from the shock of realizing I have a serious condition. I figured it was mild so it might go into "remission" or something. I guess it still could.

Anyway, every morning I wake up and thank God (literally) that I have my energy back. I would seriously rather lose a limb than my energy. That was horrible.
Posted 6/15/2009 6:22 AM (GMT 0)
I felt the same way when I received a disability diagnosis. I had lost my old self along with whatever plans I had. I have adapted. Believe me I had not planned to be exercising in a pool almost every single day. I thought I would be running my corporation

Life is good though. Just hurts a lot. lol

Donnaeil

Post Edited (donnaeil) : 6/15/2009 12:35:00 AM (GMT-6)

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