I can't afford my medicine anymore. I didn't think it was helping all that much but relativity is everything. I've tumbled down a black hole of pain. I can't afford my co-pay to go back to the doctor either. Now I'm completely overwhelmed.
My mother used to tell me that I woke up crying every day of my life until I was three. I've started it again. The past few mornings, I've realised that the first thing I do when I wake up (and probably before) is whimper. Just falling asleep in the first place is nearly impossible, and to have the pain wake me several times during the night.....<sigh>
I don't know what to do. I don't know where to turn. I can't tell my parents because they'd try to pay for my doctor even though they can't afford it and my father has health problems of his own. No way will I interfere with his ability to see his doctors. My son is in boot camp and doesn't need to be worried about me, so I can't say anything to him either.
I sit here in my office, struggling to keep the tears from rolling down my face and doing everything I can to concentrate because my job is important. If I let a big mistake slip past, some criminal might go free on a technicality. Not to mention the "dings" I (or more importantly, my guys) would get from HQ if I miss something.
Typing makes my arm muscles burn; sitting, standing or walking causes my hips to hurt, if my head would explode it might feel better. I feel like the Tin Man without my oil can.
I guess I just really want to throw myself a pity party. . I know ppl here understand what I'm feeling, so I felt the need to 'say' it here, among compatriots. My pity party will, of course, be temporary. I'll pull myself up by my bootstraps later. In the meantime...I want to curl in a ball and cry.
Thank you for 'listening'.