lost my identity

With my husband's encouragement, I resigned from my teaching position 2 years ago due to the fibro--I was always exhausted, I hurt so much, the pressure of the job, lesson plans, etc etc---But I miss it. I miss the kids, I miss my identity.

I was very proud of being a teacher.  I've been on several interviews (my husband thinks I'm crazy!) but have not been offered a teaching job and I believe it's primarily due to my attendance record as I did take an extended leave during my last year due to the fibro. Could also be my age, as I'm in my 50's.

I am fortunate in that I am working part time in my other field--social work--I work with Alzheimer patients and their families. I have very flexible hours and not as much stress as teaching---but I don't have that sense of belonging, of pride, my identity is gone. I feel like a failure.

 Hubby reminds me that I'm forgetting the negative aspects of teaching---all the prep time, administrative BS, grading papers, having to be "on" since "the show must go on" each and every day----I know he's right, but I keep thinking that if I could land a teaching position, that I'd be better since I'd have that sense of belonging again----am I crazy? 

  My fibro is getting worse .  I really don't know if my body could even take the mental and physical stress of working full time again....I tell myself I could handle it, but realisitically, intellectually, I don't know....My head and heart are at odds.

Thank you for reading...

Hi...have you thought about doing some substitute teaching?  I know it's not the same but it would

put you back in the classroom, even if it was only a couple of times a week.  Just a thought.  I know how hard it is to have to give up our passions because of fibro.

Huggies

Donna

It sounds to me as if you are grieving, which is a very common response when learning to live with a chronic illness.

Please don't feel that you are abnormal. I think that what you are feeling is completely normal, and very understandable.

Hi Yankeegirl
I just read your post and the replys. I have to agree with Ivy 6 about grieving. My sister in law said the same thing to me. My brother (her husband) died in March and that is also when I was diagnosed with fibro and having a hard time dealing with both. She said you are also grieving for the loss of the life you used to have and the loss of your brother ( I also had to leave my job that I had for 20 yrs.)
Once I let myself "grieve" for what I don't have anymore and focused on what I still have, it has become less painful and I;m thankful for the time I had with my brother(he had cancer) and the closeness I have with his wife. I can deal with the fibro and yes there are days I just don't think I can do this anymore and I think we all feel that way from time to time.
I want to thank you for working with the alzheimer patients and their families. My mother had alzheimers in the mid 70's and we had never heard about it and there weren't any support groups or any kind of help back then to try to understand this terrible disease. It may not be your classroom and I do understand that, but you sure are doing something wonderful now too.
God Bless You
American Woman

You just described exactly how I've felt these last six weeks since I lost my last job. I had worked in the same hospital RN job for thirteen years, the last six or so with steadily decreasing hours to accomodate my "fatigue problem". I left that job to take a full-time hospital job, as my husband and live-in daughter had been laid off, and we needed the money. I washed out at five weeks, unable to learn, adapt, or carry the hours. I've since had a major emotional breakdown with hospitalization, applied for disability, and have had barely a day since of being out of bed for more than half a day.

The realization that I'll likely never be well enough to work as a nurse again breaks my heart. I got into nursing late-at 40-and was quite proud to be an RN. I feel like I've lost a huge part of who I was. What hurts even worse is the realization that I'd not been reliably able to be a very good nurse for quite a long time now, no matter how hard I tried. My current fibro-fog makes it hard for me to think of myself as a nurse at all, despite my years of experience. I can't even offer to volunteer at the local health clinic, d/t the fatigue and fog.

I swear, I'm not the same person I was six weeks ago. She died.

American woman, Sherrine, DreamspinnerCheryl, littlestrebel-----thank you all for responding.

with my current job, I don't have the energy for tutoring---but I'll keep an open mind about it! thanks for the idea!

I want to thank you all who told me I'm doing something important---of course I already knew that, but it sure is nice for others to acknowledge that---something we all need from time to time. It helped so much.

I just keep hearing my former principal telling me that "this is your calling" (I was a high school exceptional student ed. teacher)--I'm still having to accept my disease, my physical limitations. I take a higher dose of my meds than I did when I was teaching, and they certainly have an effect on my abilities/concentration----so I'll work on staying focused on what I have, and what I'm doing has tremendous value---just like teaching.

My husband knows me, he knows what I endured that last year teaching, how hard it was to drag myself to school, the pain and exhaustion---if I want to go back (If I can get a teaching job!), he'd support me a zillion percent---he just knows how difficult it was that last year....

thanks again to everyone who took the time to respond. Can't express how much it helped.
Yankee girl