Extremely sad and depressed...

I am usually cheery when I post here, but I am unbelievably sad, depressed and sick to my stomach at the moment.  I wasn't sure where else to go, so I decided to post here.

My son started a new school this week in a new town.  It is a Charter school that was a great opportunity.  It is about 25 minutes away from where I work, but a ways away from where we live.

The Boys and Girls club has an after-school program in the same town and a school bus goes there.  I had arranged for him to go there after school; he has been there before for summer camp.

Well, we found out at the end of last week that they were not open Monday and Tuesday of this week, since the other public schools did not open until Wednesday.  Then, this morning, I looked on the calendar and found that they were not open today either.  I figured it out in time and picked him up from school; I picked him up on Monday & Tuesday as well.

There are very few days that they are closed when the school is open (3 during the entire school year).  Today was one of them.

My husband FLIPPED!  He has been yelling at me much of the night.  He says that this was supposed to be figured out, the week was a complete disaster, etc.  He was angry because our son could have been dropped off to an empty building, had I not noticed the calendar.  But, he just lost it on me - yelling, slamming doors.  Left for a while, came back, still pretty ticked at me.

I understand that what happened today was bad - or could have been.  I made a lot of phone calls to the B&G club over the last several months, asking about their program, making sure it was happening this year, arranging the bus, etc.  Two things I didn't realize was 1) the charter school we are going to does not operate off the same calendar as the rest of the public schools and 2) that the B&G club has a couple of school days that they are closed.

I am so sick to my stomach over this, over my husband flipping out.  I don't know what to even do with myself.  I am in so much Fibro pain too, which is not helping.

Thanks for listening.

I'm so sorry you had to go through this.  There are so many things that other parents have done that are way more significant than this.  As Robin said, no harm was done and you didn't do anything from negligence or indifference.  You sound like a very caring mother. 

I guess your post has especially affected me because MY husband can be very insensitive towards me; I know how much that hurts.  And as if that isn't enough, the stress and upset can exacerbate your medical conditions.  I don't know why some people can't see that their actions can have devastating effects on someone's health.  And I do understand how an unpleasant experience can send you into a depression even after an apology.  Unfortunately, the damage is done by then. 

Try not to be too hard on yourself.  As I said before, you sound like a VERY caring mother.  Hold onto that and feel better.

I am sorry that you are going through this. It was wrong of your husband to flip out the way that he did. Yes, things could have been bad. Your son could have been dropped off to an empty building. But he wasn't. You noticed in time. That is what is important. There's no sense in him getting so pissed about something that COULD have happened. Maybe you should remind him of that. I really am sorry that this happened to you. I really hope you start doing better. I really think you need to sit down and talk with your husband. Talk with him about how you feel about when he snapped at you and yelled at you for something that COULD have happened. It is important to discuss your feelings with your husband. He won't be able to understand if you don't let him know. Good luck to you. I'm sending you lots of soft hugs. Take care hon.

Kerri, it's called a mistake.  There isn't a person alive who hasn't made a mistake.  Your husband made a mistake, too, and I really don't think he'll react that way again by the way he held you and told you he loved you. 

When I would drop my kids off at school, I never drove away until I saw them go inside.  The doors would be locked if there was no one there, right?  Also, you would see other parents and children around.  Because of this, I highly doubt you would leave him at an empty building. 

Please don't beat yourself up over this.  I know you stressed out when you saw what you were doing and blamed it on the fog.  But, actually, anyone could have made that mistake since the school schedules are different!  You now know and you won't make that mistake again.  That's what's great about a mistake.  We learn from them, don't do it again, and move on.  Please feel better.

Sherrine

Thank you again.  You are all such amazing people!!  I am so lucky to have found this place. 

My husband has been trying to be very sweet, since the incident.  He has told me he loves me more times than I can count.  He keeps hugging me, trying to do things to make me laugh (without success).

I told my husband how much he scared me the other night.  I actually said "I'm afraid of you".  I told him that, while he has never physically hurt me or the kids, I actually feared that if I said the wrong thing the other night - he might have.  He lost control and I had no idea what to expect.  My heart has never pounded that hard - ever.

He swears that it would never happen - and that it never has (it hasn't). 

He really hit me right where I'm most vulnerable, and that is what hurts so much.  It would be just as painful for him if I were to point and laugh at him for anything sexually related.  He attacked me as a mother and I am not sure if I will ever really get over it.

But....he spent the morning again, today, telling me what a wonderful mother I am, holding me, etc.  My disgust with him is starting to melt away....a little.  I have been unable to look at him without seeing that scary man, which makes me nauseaus, which certainly doesn't get the "love" flowing!

I feel a little funny sharing such a personal story with all of you, but I'm glad I did.  You have all been very comforting and reassuring.  Thank you.  :)

I'll be ok...

Take care.