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Posted 10/6/2009 10:30 PM (GMT 0)
This a complete vent and I am sorry I just really need to share. I am completely overwhelmed with pretty much life. I have been having pain and fatigue so bad for the past few weeks and it's only getting worse. Which is getting in the way of being productive. My body just wants to sleep so I am up to ten hours of sleep a night which means my meds are not working but by 4 or 5 I am totally exhausted. I am working 25 hours a week and going to school full time. But due to be so tired and feeling like crap I am falling behind in my homework. Which in turn is stressing me out even worse. Not feeling good and having no energy stresses me out beyond belief. I need to go back to the doctors I am sure but the problem is I lost my insurance when I went from full time to part time so I could do more at school. I am waiting to get gov't insurance but that has been a huge debacle. I am just so overwhelmed and lost and all I want to do is cry and lay in bed. It is so hard and with no support it only makes it worse. Maybe I have pushed myself too far? I always push through the pain and fatigue, but I just feel I can't anymore. :( I am sorry I just wanted to share I really have no one so it just feels good to let it out. Oh and let's not forget I broke my computer managed to download three viruses on it and can't get rid of them, the viruses ate my antivirus.
Posted 10/6/2009 11:06 PM (GMT 0)
Wow! Bummer. Well, I guess you are not alone. I too have been sleeping about 10 - 12 hours a day. I just don't have a fight left in me. Can you get dropped from one or two of your courses w/o penalty. It is probably too much. I have had Fibro for 15 years and I have learned that "pushing through" the pain and fatigue is a self limiting endeavor. Eventually you will pay the piper. I find I do best when I can break tasks into small manageable bites. Resting well in between. I was once where you sound to be now, and I realized my limitations. It came like a blow to my nogin. I do hope you feel better soon and don't forget that the days are getting shorter so that sometimes makes us depressed. hang in girl.
Posted 10/6/2009 11:32 PM (GMT 0)
So sorry to hear that i tend to have the thing where i push thru the pain only to find myself curled in a ball on the bathroom floor. Yet some how the older i get the dumber i get? But really if we can't share here then where? It's sucks looking so healthy and feeling like your dying inside, try and explain that one. Though both of you i'm jealous!! I want sleep, but tonight i looks better!! I hope you start feeling better soon. I know so many people who are depressed all winter long, for me it's a time of glee, ah but the tables will turn and summer will come and get me. I'm still learning my own limitations right now and find i do tend to get pretty mad whe i know i can't, but on the other hand the price is so so heavy now when i ignore them i tend to take heed. So there i do share your pain. I think learning that i'm not super human has been the biggest blow to not just my ego, but a lot of the time the way i feel.
Posted 10/7/2009 1:02 AM (GMT 0)
Don't be sorry for venting. Your feelings are perfectly understandable. You have alot on
your plate and dealing with some crummy illnesses. Sometimes it just feels good to get it
all out like a good cry. I am so sorry you have so much to deal with.

tyno3 had a good suggestion about checking if you could lighten your class load.
Your health takes priority, so anything you can do to help eliminate some stress is going
to help you. As you already found out, stress manifests itself as pain.

Is there a student counselor you can talk to and give you advice about your course load?
I am always talking about exercise and relaxation therapy but that is what I know helps
me with stress.

Hope all works out well with you Starynight

Hugs

Robin
Posted 10/7/2009 2:01 AM (GMT 0)

My husband is a college professor and always works with those who have limitations due to illnesses and other things that might present set backs in homework etc.  Maybe you could talk to them and see if there is something you could do to not have to push yourself so hard.  It's worth a try and might relieve some of the pressure...and the pain and fatigue that come with it.  Just a thought...

Huggies

Donna

Posted 10/7/2009 3:00 AM (GMT 0)
You remind me of me. (((((hugs))))) I always pushed it too far, still do. So hard to accept that I am sick, not healthy, and can't do what healthy people can. Truly stinks, totally relate. Hang in there and keep venting and know you are not alone. And try to cut back something. I know it's hard but see if you can find a few ways or things to cut back.
Posted 10/7/2009 3:43 AM (GMT 0)
Starynight- I know exactly how you feel! And believe it or not it helps ME when people vent because then I don't feel so alone. So thank you. If you go to superantivirus.com website it will rid your computer of all of your viruses even the tough ones for free and no obligation or sales pitch. I use it a lot bit I am not affiliated with it or anything else I just found it randomly when I got hit with a bunch of viruses through e-mail. I hope that tip doesn't break any forum rules- I just want to help. We all have frustrations and I am glad to be able to come here and share! Just breath. You are strong enough to live with Fibro and that means you can handle most anything. One day at a time.
Posted 10/7/2009 7:14 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you all for your words of encouragement and understanding.  I am feeling a bit better today just super tired.  I have an appointment Friday morning for insurance so hopefully **** that works out for me and i can get back in to the rhuemy.  I am just nervous of that too, they really want to see me because one I have seen the actual doctor in over a year,  I have been seeing the nurse practicioner. And they seemed very appaled when I refused to take Lyrica over the phone.  So they want me to come in to probably convince to me to take Lyrica.  If the main side effect of the medicine wasn't fatigue I dont' think I would have such a problem (not to mention all of the other side effects).  I just really do not have the time to play with the differents medicines.  I can to afford to be out of commision for even a day.  So it is very hard.  I am on the Trazadone now and the first 24 hours on it were amazing I couldn't even beleive it!!! But haven't felt well on it since.  I have to go back to the female doctor as well as the Endo is not doing well now either.  I hope I do not have to have surgery. 

 

ugh! is it too much to ask to just be a normal 21 year old? Circumstances in my whole life have led me to not carry out a normal life and it is completely fustrating.  I am just so sick and tired of being sick and tired, am I going to feel llike this forever?????

Posted 10/7/2009 10:11 PM (GMT 0)
Starynight,
I love your screen name, it makes me think of just lying down watching the stars in the sky without a care in the world. If only life could be like that! lol
You wlll feel better...it may take a little while, but you will get there! I cant imagine the courage you have going though all this, working, going to school and dealing with all these fibro worries. You're right it doesnt seem fair for a 21 year old to have such worries! But you sound like a very strong person, rememeber you can always come on here and say what you need to say....I think we all do it and where else can you go that everyone understands? It's going to just take some trial and error but there are good days ahead! Check out if there any free clinics in your area until you get insurance and let your professors know what's going on, I'm sure they'll be sympathetic and may have some suggestions to help with the work load!  Good luck with everything and stay in touch..I really admire you! yeah
Posted 10/7/2009 10:43 PM (GMT 0)

Hi, hope things are going better for you. You've had some great advice from the others, so just wanted to tell you that we are all here for you. If I didn't have this place to come & vent to I don't know what I would do. I really applaud you for taking on so much and trying so hard. One of the things I've learned since being diagnosed is that I need to listen to my body. If I don't, I usually have one big time flare! I hope that somehow you will find a way to get some more free time for yourself.

 

It sure doesn't seem fair to be so young and going through all this, but just hang in there because there are better days ahead. I hope that you are able to see your Rheumy soon & maybe get something to help with your energy and pain. My sister also has Fibro & she takes a med that really has helped her with her fatigue and energy. I think it's called "prodigil", or something like that. I didn't think I would ever be taking the meds I am now. I never did like taking anything unless I had to, but I've found that I cannot function without them!

 

Good luck & keep us updated on how things go. I hope your insurance works out for you. One last thing....I think your quote on your profile is just perfect for this situation right !

Pain is temporary.  It might last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year but eventually it subsides and something else will take its place.  If I quit, however, it lasts forever.

 

                                                                                          Hugs, Springfling

Posted 10/8/2009 10:27 AM (GMT 0)
Sending soft cyber (((hugs))).  I hope you are feeling better soon.  Stress can take such a toll with fibro.  As for the computer virus, you might check out www.malwarebytes.org.  I had to use this to get rid of a virus that Norton couldn't detect.  Before you download it, you can check it out at www.pcworld.com; I always check out stuff there before I download something I'm unfamiliar with.

 

Hugs - Austen

Posted 10/8/2009 1:18 PM (GMT 0)
Stary I too applaud you for what you are doing. There are so many young people out there, without health problems, wasting their lives and you and others on here are working so hard to make something of yourselves. I would say give yourself a pat on the back but that would only hurt. smilewinkgrin

 

I don't know where you live but the weather and changing seasons has a lot of us in flares so I hope it ends soon. You have been given some great advice on here.

 

If your doctor is not willing to listen to what you want or don't want than find another doctor. You and your doctor have to be able to work as a team when it comes to treatment. I hope you get help with the medical real soon.

 

luv and hugs

Marlee

Posted 10/15/2009 2:58 PM (GMT 0)
I just got my computer back I am sorry for not replying sooner.  Thank you all for you understanding and encouraging words.  I really appreciate it. This month hasn't seemed to get any better but I am just going to keep pushing through.  I hope it all works out for the best :)  I hope you all are doing well
Posted 10/15/2009 5:58 PM (GMT 0)

It's been so cold and damp here lately, I have been in one constant flare for a while. Starrynight, you are amazing being able to handle all of this. My hat is off to you. Change in seasons always wrecks me. Hopefully that is all that is going on with you and soon you'll be back to your normal.

Another good place to clean your computer... Housecall.com. It is 100% safe and has thousands of virus and spyware definitions most programs do not have. Just give it permission to run on your computer and it will clean anything that looks suspicious! I'm just a minor geek, but the person who gave me this info is a major geek and I trust him. It's my older brother who has been working with computers for decades!! It wasn't Al gore who discovered the internet. My brother had a big hand in it for the military! Just thought I'd toss that in to make you smile. No politics implied there. smilewinkgrin

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