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Posted 12/17/2009 2:08 AM (GMT 0)
I don't know why I am posting this, I just feel so hopeless. External events are causing some of my fibromyalgia symptoms to worsen. It is a family problem I am talking about. There is nothing anyone here can do, it is just I feel like my life is so hopeless that I do not even know why I exist. I use to have dreams and all that has happened in my life is suffering and to watch people I love suffer. I do not know why I am here. I need hope. I cannot lose that. It is all I have. I get real scared sometimes because I feel my health will never get better and to see my family suffer with severe life problems just makes me feel worse. I just needed to vent I guess. I am at the point where I feel like I cannot take anymore bad news. I feel like I am in a neverending nightmare called life. I have had FM for decades and in fact longer than I previously thought because I read a list someone posted of symptoms and I realized I had that problem 30 years ago. It has been a slow downhill slide for me starting with one symptom and gradually gaining more symptoms over time. That is why this is so hard to see in oneself because these things all seemed like separate problems.
I wish I could climb out of this depression and anxiety though. It is killing me. If any of you are praying people please help me out. I do believe in God but I feel like I am constantly being tested and I am so weary of it. I cannot believe this is all there is or I would go insane because my life is hell.
Thanks for listening (I mean reading). Just trying to reach out.... because I lack friends. I rarely get out because of my condition. I have one friend but a person cannot whine to one person all the time or they will get tired of that. So I keep most of my mental anguish locked up inside of me.
Posted 12/17/2009 2:30 AM (GMT 0)
I'm so sorry that you are dealing with all of this. Just remember that you are not alone. Fibro makes you feel that way, but it's not true! There are people out there who care. And you are stronger then you realize!
Posted 12/17/2009 3:03 AM (GMT 0)
Fibromyalgia really stinks and having depression and anxiety on top of it stinks even more.  But we just have to keep plugging along.  We have to keep a good attitude, like you said, being anxious and depressed just makes the pain and fatigue worse.  So try to keep a good attitude and always look for that ray of sunshine in the next day.  You can't give up. 

I didn't work for seven years.  And I am working part time now.  So things can improve.  Sure I would love to be able to work full time, but I am accepting what I can do and making the best of it.  For me, this is huge. 

If you ever feel like visiting the depression forum, feel free to post there.  A person can always use the extra support.  Speaking of support, do you go to any type of therapy?  I highly recommend that or reading books on depression.  Anything to help a person cope.  And being that you are having to cope with so much, any self help plan can be a factor in your health. 

I hope that you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen

Posted 12/17/2009 3:34 AM (GMT 0)
Sumer, Sending you gentle hugs and prayers. We are here for you to help you through the rough stretches. Let your doctor know how you are feeling. If you are feeling depressed and anxious you might benefit from taking a SSRI or SNRI. Getting some

relief will only help you deal with the day to day challenges of fibro.

I have been taking Savella a SNRI and it has helped with the pain and in keeping my

serotonin levels up. I try to take only one day at a time. The serenity prayer helps me

get through the day. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference."

Focus on what you can do to help yourself relieve some stress. Is there something you enjoy that helps distract you from the pain? Walking helps me physically and emotionally,

it is a release for me. I feel better after a walk, it clears my head and gives me more energy.

Life can be enjoyable, you must believe it can. I too mourned the loss of my good health and felt grief and anger. It does take work, but you have to know you are worth

fighting for and like Sarah said " You are stronger than you realize."

Have faith in yourself, Sumer. I believe it is possible to ejoy life. Post often and let us

help if we can.

Hugs, Robin

 

Posted 12/17/2009 6:05 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the replies and words of encouragement. I do try to find ways to stay positive. Sometimes though something happens that puts you almost over the edge, if you know what I mean. That is what is happening right now. Usually I manage my depression ok, as it is not as severe as some peoples. Usually what sends me deeper into it is something outside of myself that affects me.
I will bounce back but am afraid right now and I do not know how to handle it. I wish I could escape my own mind. I will be ok, I am just weary. Thanks.
Posted 12/17/2009 8:27 AM (GMT 0)
Summer, you wonder why you're here but I just read your response to me about my 14 year old daughter.  And your prayers mean more to me than you can know.  It's very late at night & I can't sleep because all our problems are keeping me up crying.  So I got on here & read your response to me & it encouraged me.  My prayer for you is that you will feel hope in the midst of your pain.  You are a valuable person who is loved by the Lord. 

Posted 12/17/2009 11:30 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Sumer, I have been struggling similarly to you with depression this winter. I have had it off and on for about ten years, and some winters are worse than others with the darkness and cold. I am extremely sensitive to stress, especially feeling other people's stress, and it feels like it's all around me (probably because of the holidays); so my symptoms have been getting worse too. I was diagnosed in February 2009 though I think I've had fibro my whole life. That hopeless feeling - I know what that feels like, and you are not alone. A lot of that feeling is made up from fatigue caused by pain - when we struggle against our feelings that affects our body, which in turn battles the resulting stress. (Fibro has really made me get in better touch with my body AND my feelings!) This forum is so valuable and has so many nice people. It has helped me many, many, many, many times and it IS the Fibro family. Welcome!
Posted 12/17/2009 2:44 PM (GMT 0)
Sumer,

It never hurts to go to counseling when you are feeling this way.  We all need that extra support.  Coming here is good too.  Because with fibromyalgia, we always experience a little depression.  Not being able to do the things we use to do, and dealing with the pain and fatigue.  So please keep posting and letting us know what is going on with you.  We do all understand.

Best wishes for a better day.

Hugs, Karen

Posted 12/18/2009 2:57 AM (GMT 0)
There are a lot of caring people in here. I am overwhelmed by the responses. And lettuce, thank you for your kind words. It means a lot to me. I was abused severely as a child and I look at the world as a very negative place so to hear you say I am valuable is amazing to me. I am used to people who are indifferent or just do not seem to care. We think our words are not important and to some they may not be but to me when someone is nice I feel amazed that people like that even exist. So thank you for your words. I will continue to pray for your child. I will also ask you to pray for my grandkids so they do not fall into the hands of an abusive neglectful father. Their safety is in jeopardy. Thank you.

And Littleneck, I know the darkness you speak of. The dreary winter days get to me.
Thanks for responding to my post.

Hi getting by, I wish I could get counseling but even on a sliding scale and with insurance, right now, because we are supporting extra family (because of the economy) and my husband needs to find another job so we don't lose what we have, I cannot afford counseling. (even with insurance which would pay half).
If I had to pay what the sliding scale fee would want, even at its lowest, right now, because of the economy the way it is I cannot afford it. I did use to go to counseling years ago but the costs have skyrocketed.
I am actually doing better today. I do not feel the depression and anxiety so deeply. I mostly just feel tired.

Thanks everyone.
Posted 12/18/2009 4:43 AM (GMT 0)
Hi there,

I am glad that you are feeling better today.  Here are a couple of websites that might help you and they are absolutely free.

http://moodgym.anu.edu/welcome

http://ecouch.anu.edu/welcome

I hope that they are of some help to you.  Everybody here is so kind and compassionate.  You will find that yes, there are some good people in the world.  But the members here understand what you are going through, so they can relate to what you are saying.

I hope that your days continue to get brighter.

Hugs, Karen

Posted 12/19/2009 3:17 AM (GMT 0)
Hi getting by,

Just stopped by to see if anyone left any more messages. I will check out the links you left for me (and anyone else). I woke up feeling sick this morning and then just felt a dull depression all day. I havent wanted to do anything. Yesterday was better. What is also horrible is when I wake up with anxiety before I even have a coherent thought.
I do belong to a depression forum but the replies I get in there seem kind of robotic and screened to basically say the same thing to every person. I have no doubt the people moderating care because they donate their time but after so many posts you begin to feel like you are just getting a pat answer or comment that would apply to anyone.

I have to get thru the next couple of weeks intact. I just do not want to feel like the sky is falling for that time. I have never been a "crier" for as long as I can remember. I stopped crying before I started kindergarten (I knew there was no point to it). For the last year or so I have cried more than I have my entire life. I am afraid also I will lose my faith. It is important to me. Thanks for listening and thanks for your encouragement.

Sumer
Posted 12/19/2009 3:18 AM (GMT 0)
Hmmm. I do not know if it is me or the links but they both say server cannot be found. I will try later.
Posted 12/19/2009 5:41 PM (GMT 0)
When you get that message on the computer, try refreshing the page and see if that works.

Try our depression forum.  It is wonderful, there are many caring members there, that will post to you.  And the mods are great, not patting myself on the back or anything. lol...

If you have felt depression this long, it could be a chemical embalance and some good meds might be in order.  I have taken meds for many years and they have helped me really well.  One that really helps is a mood stabilizer called abilify.  It has done wonders for me.  Plus I take anti anxiety meds and an antidepressant.  I do take a lot, but have that chemical imbalance and need the help. 

Remember that depression can effect our fibro and visa versa.  So you are fighting two different things at the same time, but helping one can help the other too.  I hope that you feel better.  You are a wonderful person, remember that. 

Do you go to any counseling?  I think I asked you that.  Yes, that is why I gave you the sites, sorry for the fog.  That is an everyday part of my life with the fibromyalgia.  I hope that you can get to the sites.  Like I say, click on refresh and hopefully you will be able to get through.  My computer has been doing that also, maybe tied up lines or something.  But when I click on refresh, it comes back.

Best wishes my friend.

Hugs, Karen

PS, check out depression, we have a good site.  No pat answers, only caring members...

Posted 12/19/2009 5:44 PM (GMT 0)
I tried the link, and got the same problem.  I am sorry.  I refreshed the page many times and the same thing happened.  Maybe it will work on another day.  Again, I am sorry.

Hope that you find help here.

Hugs, Karen

Posted 12/19/2009 9:55 PM (GMT 0)
Hi all! New here, but just wanted to let you know how to fix the links posted above-you need to add .au to the web address-

http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome
http://ecouch.anu.edu.au/welcome
Posted 12/19/2009 10:08 PM (GMT 0)
I hope you are feeling a bit better now. I will keep you in my prayers. I truly believe that is where our hope and strength can come from

Is there anything in the past that helped you lessen the stress? I know for me listening to music, sometimes playing an instrument, or singing, sometimes just listening helps a lot. But I know when we are feeling down that can seem like a lot of effort.

The tiredness is one of the worst part of fibro for me - I have had it all of my adult life, altho it was not recognized as a disease when I was younger, it seems. Please know that there are many kind people on this message board that will listen.
Hope
Posted 12/20/2009 6:03 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Sumner  read your post. I find everyday is different, whether it is physical or mental. I have had fobro for a couple of years.  Sometimes my body just doesn't want to do what I want it to do. Plus it does react from other things that go on in my life.  My husband was on life support this summer. It was a horrible time for me.  Thank God he came  through it but it was extremely hard for me mentally and physically.  1 month after that my son came home because he was getting a divorce. I already have my daughter her and her 12 year old son because she is divorced. I brought him up from the time he was born. You think things get better then something else happens and it puts you right back at square 1 again. Both my parents are sickly so I go back and forth checking on them to.It's a never ending problems that just keep on coming.  I do have my faith to rely on. And sumner it does help. All you need is faith.  The Lord will listen to you. I lost my sister at the age of 36 from cancer and I thought my life was useless but in time I realized life can be good. I have a great husband and 3 good kids and 4 grandsons who I adore. Calling me Nana makes my day and hearing them laugh makes my heart full. Don't get caught in depression, it is not a good place to be. Always think of something that makes you smile. Fibro it self can get to us absolutly but you have to keep on going and don't let it win. One day at a time. Please hang in there in time things won't look so bleak. I'll be looking for your post to see how your doing.  Good luck.
Posted 12/20/2009 6:38 PM (GMT 0)
http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

http://ecouch.anu.edu.au/welcome

I hope that this works for you.

Hugs, Karen

Posted 12/20/2009 6:51 PM (GMT 0)
Sumner I feel for you once you are down life can only go up.
I sufffered form the hopelessness you suffer from for me the way out was to find the positive in every day no mattter how bad things got be it something on the tv or a smile from someone something funny I do with the fibro fog like putting the sugar in the fridge in stead of getting the milk out.
Faith is wonderful I do not know what wound happen to me with out that faith, turning to God when things are bad who else just listens to you cry out what is worrying you just talk to him about everything remember he loves you and does not judge.
You are in my prays

Kathy

Fibro, CFS. IBS, MIGRAINE
Posted 12/20/2009 7:17 PM (GMT 0)
Sumer, I'm sorry you're feeling awful. I gets bouts of depression at times. I wouldn't even know the root cause of it? I actually couldn't pin down exactly what I was really getting depressed about?. Of course I had life's problems but they were there before! I started to realize, for me anyways that I began tracing the short bouts of depression with my diet! I think that If I overloaded myself with too many carbs, and sugar,and fatty foods ,that was the reason! It was just a chemical reaction in my body due to improper diet and nutrition. May I advise one item for you? Its called GABA. Its a natural supplement,amino acid that not only deals with physical pain, but it is known for its calming and soothing effect mentally,for those dealing with anxiety and depression. Along with eating more fruit and vegetables ,amazingly you'll feel much better. I hope that helps and I Hope you feel better.
Posted 12/21/2009 4:32 AM (GMT 0)
Sumer,
If you have a chance, getting outside in the daylight for about 15 minutes close to noon every day may also help with your mood and it's free. Try to find a place where you are in direct light even if the sun is behind a cloud. I have a Light to help me because I have Seasonal Affected Disorder (S.A.D.) and the light sessions really help. I don't know how your finances are but even a few sessions at a tanning salon may help. Not asking you to get tan, just be in the light with your eyes closed. Might help.

Thinking of you in this rough time.
Posted 12/21/2009 5:03 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for all the replies and advice. My Internet connection was out for about 24 hours so I have not checked the links yet. My connection is still slow so I hope they work for me.
Yes I do have faith but sometimes I just get a feeling of hopelessness for my life. It usually passes but this week it seems to come and go. It is related to a certain problem I have that I am having to deal with since August and I feel like I have reached my limit with it.
I have had anti depressents in the past but I do not respond very well to many kinds of meds so I am leery of them now. Thanks for all your encouragement. I have another 10 days to go through this for now depending on the outcome. I just keep having this dread and feeling that it is not going to turn out the way I hope for. If it does not it is going to create a new set of problems for me and more stress. I am just so very tired and weary of it all. One day I do ok and the next I seem to be very down. However now I have had 2 days in a row of a sort of hopeless depression. It is not real bad like some people, it is just an "I give up, I know things will turn out bad because evil always wins" kind of depression. I am trying to keep my faith but my experience is if I get my hopes up things turn out bad. I feel like no matter what I do I just cannot win. I feel like everything out there is set up to help the people who are evil and seek to destroy that which is good and that the people who make the effort and work hard to remain good and faithful get it in the back. I just do not understand anything.
Sumer
Posted 12/21/2009 5:05 AM (GMT 0)
The links worked. I bookmarked them. Thanks everyone.

Sumer
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