I am struggling to remind myself that it is spring as I use to love the warm weather,the flowers,going to the pool,riding my bike,and those beautiful horses I rode!!..Its all gone!!.I tell myself that there is a difference between the oppressive dark that settles upon me in depression, and unhappiness. I can be depressed, I can and not be, strictly speaking, sad, or unhappy. But I have lost my many masks along the fibro steps!! There is a difference between the dark clouds of depression, which settle upon the horizon of my psyche and linger there, casting shadows, and the rain that comes with sadness, that comes in short or long bursts, that falls lightly or heavily, that pelts my heart and dampens my spirit...where is that sprit!! And unhappiness, I say, is another thing entirely. I might be depressed, . I also might be sad, because the sadness – the sadness related to grief, the sadness related to dread and worry – it comes and it goes and it doesn’t announce itself. But I wonder if i am not unhappy, in any meaningful sense. No that's not true I am unhappy though, I can still smile. I still laugh. It’s just that, sometimes, I am overcome by the dark
AND...........these past months I have been in this deep dark pit,pulling myself up little by little.........But today I fell back down and hard.!! I have no control over how in this body of mine.. that does what it pleases with no warning!! This has been one of those days that I just want to crawl into a grave!! I can not deal with this fibro fog. hell I have ADD and I finally have that under control,but please someone tell me if this non thinking brain,cluttered brain, unorganized brain and the worse for me this unintelligent brain Is this my life now!! The things I do that piss me off, that costs to be fixed,things I should know better not to do. Hell I had to text my daughter to spell a word for me today. couldn't even find it in the dictionary under how I So many different ways tried to spell it. and to think that it was not such a hard word to spell really sucks!!
Don't be so hard on yourself I am told...ok I say Just one day you can live in my body and when you get your body back. I bet you will run from me LOL!!
I am so overwhelmed,lonely and depressed ..Maybe its time to see a therapist,though what would I say that he./she could even understand about my unreliable body?
god give me strength
Lostspirt(Lee)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------fibro, lupus?? mitral valve prolapse, Sjogerns, deficient in Vit,d degentive (sp)joint disease,
Ibs,Tendinitis(sp) PTSD, copd, BLAH BLAH 