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Old friend thinks I need a shrink

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Posted 6/15/2010 11:13 PM (GMT 0)
I'm kind of in shock right now.  An old friend (old uncle figure) just told me he thinks I worry too much about my health.  He suggested I see a psychiatrist shocked because whenever he sees me I talk about this or that physical problem.  I'm not WORRIED, I'm just being honest about how I'm feeling!  This is someone I've known practically my entire life, and I know he has a high opinion of me.  His wife (my "aunt") has Fibro, too!  Is this his opinion of her problems, too? shakehead   Normally, I just brush these comments off - we've all heard them a thousand times - but considering the source, I'm really hurt.    
Posted 6/16/2010 12:51 AM (GMT 0)
Achey, I know it hurts when someone you care about makes an ignorant statement,
it feels almost like an attack. Don't take it to heart. You know what you deal with.

It would be so much easier if we could measure our pain and say... see how much I hurt.
People who do not have our illness will never really understand how we are feeling.

I think it's only natural to want to explain how we are feeling, when someone asks. I'm
to the point when someone asks I give a blanket statement...I'm doing OK. No matter
what I say, no one can fix it for me. I will let others know if I need a break, or if I'm not
feeling well enough to go someplace. My family and friends know my circumstances and
they pretty much can tell if I'm having a bad day.

Sometimes, I think we just want to be validated, it's part of living with a chronic illness.

Hugs, Robin
Posted 6/16/2010 1:40 AM (GMT 0)
Achey, I agree with Robin....don't take it personally. Going forward, if this particular friend asks how you're doing, you can simply say "as good as possible" and then change the subject. Some people just don't want to hear it, and that's okay. He could have been more tactful in communicating with you, but at least you know to keep things light with him in the future. Maybe he hears it from his wife all the time and it's just too much for him to hear it from someone else he cares about...it could be fear and worry driving his comments.

Hang in there, and don't forget, you can always come here for support and encouragement and hugs!

speaking of....

hugs,
Pam
Posted 6/16/2010 4:53 AM (GMT 0)
Acheybody,

Like others have said, don't take it personally...some people out there are ALWAYS gonna think we with fibro and other health issues need nothing more then a good psychiatrist and some antipsychotic medication. I have to hear this all the time from my own father, who thinks fibro is just another word for hypochondria. He's always saying I need help cause it's all in my head, and I always reassure him that at one point I've taken 3 diffrent types of antideppresants at once, and righ tnow I'm just on one and dont fell any diffrent between 3 pills and one. So if it was a mental issue, then I should of been cured....so now everytime he needs me to come over nd help him around his house, I make up a story that I'm sick to my stomach (since he knows for a fact I've been suffering with severe digestive problems since I was born) so he doesnt drill me down on how I'm crazy. And the funny thing is that i'm convinced he has fibro too, as he suffers from depression, aches, not sleeping, fatigue, and all the other things that go along with fibro, but of course you'll ever convince him of this.

So like others say, I just try my hardest not to bring it up around certain people, the last thing I need in my life is someone telling me I'm crazy. Just tell them your "well enough and alive" and change the subject, if they ask whats wrong, just tell them your fighting with some health issues, but nothing that's gonna kill you (even if we feel like sometimes it will).

-carmen
Posted 6/16/2010 5:31 AM (GMT 0)
Im sorry achey, I understand what its like to have people you love and care about not believe in your pain. I feel for your aunt too if this is how he feels about her. Its so sad when loved ones dont want to understand or believe the consensus that it is all in our head. And they will never understand unless they live with it day after day. Even some who have it dont want to admit it.
Sorry and hugs
Shirley
Posted 6/16/2010 7:25 AM (GMT 0)
Sorry he hurt your feelings. I am sure he loves you and just didn't know that his words would hurt you so much. Just don't talk about it with him anymore. I have found that many people just don't want to know just how bad I feel so I keep it to myself most of the time. I have some freinds that I talk to online and we pretty much share everything, that is enough of an outlet for me most of the time. But it would be nice to have those that are apart of our lives there for our emotional support. I hope that he is able to think about what he said and maybe next time be more compassionate with you.
Posted 6/16/2010 10:32 AM (GMT 0)
So sorry you had to hear that from someone you actually trust enough to be honest with. I had a similar situation with my best friend and work partner. When I told her of my diagnosis of fibro, she rolled her eyes and said it wasn't really a diagnosis and it was psychological problem. Wow, did THAT hurt! But then I thought of how compassionate she WASN'T to her husband when he broke his ankle, and I figured that some people just don't understand pain. Maybe next time he asks about you, just be honest enough with him to say you would rather discuss your symptoms with others who understand your condition, and let it go at that? ((((Hug))))
Posted 6/16/2010 4:14 PM (GMT 0)
People really don't understand fibromyalgia...even the doctors!  That's a huge problem.  For years it was thought to be "all in your head" and so some people still believe that.  Your uncle probably thought he was giving you a good piece of advice for you to think about.  I'm sure he didn't know or mean to hurt you like that.  Honestly, no one truly understands what it is like to have fibro unless they have it themselves.

 

I'm sorry that you were hurt so badly but don't take it to heart.  I find it's best not to discuss my health except with a very few people who I know understand some of what I'm going through.  Body language speaks volumes without your saying a word.

 

Feel better and try to forgive his "ignorance" of fibro.  I think we have all run across this problem.

 

Sherrine 

Posted 6/17/2010 1:28 PM (GMT 0)
Sorry he hurt your feelings  (mine get hurt easily) .  My last GP told me that all my pain was from depression so I went to a shrink.  At that time my anxiety was from money problems.  I went to the shrink maybe 6 times and then got a bill of 600.00.    Another bill to add to the stack and more anxiety.  Oh and the shrink agreed with everything I told him which didn;t help with hubby's spending.  I quit going.

I went to a seminar last night about fibro last night and will post that in another post when I get time.  BTW my GP was not correct

Posted 6/17/2010 11:50 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you all for taking the time to answer. You're all so understanding! It really helps.
Posted 6/22/2010 6:19 PM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry you had this experience. I have had much the same responses. It's so easy for people to assume things with illnesses like Fibro. I have been told that mine is caused by psychological trauma effects on the body. However once things end in the body its a physical condition. I do see a psychiatrist for the psychological problems but fibromyalgia isn't one of them. She mainly works through the fear that the illness has caused me trying to explain to me how things happen. If people don't understand its likely because they can't or don't know enough about the illness. If it is a close friend I would offer a book to them to read through. Sorry you're not being understood but you are here. Take care....Hugs
Posted 6/22/2010 6:52 PM (GMT 0)
Gee, Achy, the last time I checked the only people who could refer you to a psychiatrist were doctors! When did unky get his medical degree? I wouldn't ignore his comments... in fact I'd call him up and tell him that his unfeeling response hurt more than he could know and that he should be more careful in the future. Then I'd ask him if he has difficulty facing his own mortality because often times people who don't want to hear about physical ailments in their friends and family are ignoring their own unavoidable death. And you will be sure to remember his thoughtlessness when his aging body starts falling apart! That should pretty much get his attention...

After that I'd blow him off the next time I saw him. If he only wants plastic responses to your life situation then he's not worth your time. I only have time in my life for REAL friends and family.
Posted 6/23/2010 2:52 AM (GMT 0)
People who don't have the particular problem themselves, including spouses and relatives, don't really want to hear about others' medical conditions, at least not more than once. I go to a breast cancer group and we have the same problem. Our best support and listening ear is a forum or a face-to-face group.

Half of what we want is just someone to commiserate with us. And another big part is a little advice from those who have had experience with the various medications and treatments.

To keep the friends and relatives friendly and willing to talk with us at all, we shouldn't tell them much. Especially with fibro, which is invisible and not believed by a lot of people, it's best to communicate our problems to people who really want to listen.
Posted 6/23/2010 4:29 AM (GMT 0)
nono   i feel like im complaining all the time..this hurts and that hurts... everyday.  i feel horrible for my husband who listens to me and tries to be supportive!  if only something would work for me... i would just take an hour free of pain... i don't even know what i would do!!!!!
Posted 6/23/2010 1:13 PM (GMT 0)

Even though my friends see me gimping around, shifting positions in chairs, rubbing my knees....I had one close friend ask me why one earth I had a handicap sticker in the 'bucket O' Stuff' between the front seats of our van.  I wanted to tell her because 'I love to drag my leg around, hitch my way through stores and what a knee slapping riot when I fall on the ice in a parking lot...Oh, and when after a long ride, my legs go numb and what a blast it is to collapse when I get out of the car because I can't feel my feet!  Plus...People feel sorry for me and throw me money!!!"

You would think with all the ads there are now for Fibro and Fibro medications people would get it.  Comments are made out of ignorance and I know it hurts even more when it comes from relatives.

Donna

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