Coping...holidays....relationship!

I don't believe men fall in love with us because of our "ability to outrun life" but because of our personality.

its not what you can do/not do but what type of person you are and how well you treat him. You may not be able to vacuum all the floors but I bet you can fix a really good meal, cozy up with him and watch tv, talk about him and his day, and other things that are far more important than whether or not you can run a mile, go camping, clean house from top to bottom.....etc, etc.

My husband says that he loves me, not for what I do around the house or at work, but because I love him and make him first. Then we discuss how I feel and he will do the same....run a warm bath, plug in heating blanket so that it is already warm when I get in bed, fix me a drink.....He may forget sometimes but I know that he "KNOWS" and we work together to create new pastimes and memories.

Hi jenzfreedom,

Sorry to hear things have been so rough lately. I know how hard it is to feel like you are constantly on the go and don't have time to rest and relax which is what our fibro bodies need from us. I also work full time and some days it can seem near impossible to get through the day.

I was diagnosed 4 years ago and while it was all still new to me I began dating my husband. It was a wonderful relationship but during flares I tried to hide it from him. I didn't want him to witness how bad things could get. When he insisted on helping me through it I told him that this was me, not something that would ever change or get better (maybe even get worse) and he had to decide if he could handle it. Basically, take it or leave it. I wasn't demanding a ring on my finger, but I knew that anyone who is going to last in a relationship with me would have to be very patient, understanding, helpful and accepting. It sounds like you have found yourself a wonderful man that is trying to do his best to help and keep you comfortable :)

Even though my husband has been dealing with me for 4 years, since I've joined this forum I found something very helpful in communicating to him and others about what it is like to live with fibro. Have you checked out the "Spoon Theory" in Fibro 101? While the author came up with the theory because she suffers from lupus it definitely speaks to living with fibro. Once I shared the story with my husband he can now sympathize more on days where I start out running on empty and can help me try to schedule things so I rest before big occasions and pace myself better.

Also, I think feeling angry is normal and healthy. I actually have been going to cognitive therapy over the last month to help me deal with a domino effect sequence of health events and subsequently a flare that has been lasting for over 4 months. I came to the realization yesterday that I skipped right over the anger phase 4 years ago when I was diagnosed. I had been very sick and scared leading up to my diagnosis and once I learned it was fibro I was instantly just thankful and grateful it wasn't anything more severe. Well I'm finally realizing now that fibro isn't something to be grateful or thankful for either and I should have gotten angry. So 4 years later I am now dealing with the anger :)

Hope things begin to calm down a bit! Good Luck :)

 

Hello Jenzfreedom:

I know exatly how you feel except i do not work outside the home anymore i won my disability on sept 2010. I am 40 yrs.old with a 22 month old son i work inside the home and it is all i can do to take care of him and the housework.  I worked full time for 3 yrs after my diganosis in 2004, but i could no longer work i was making to many mistakes on the computer and the depression had just took me over with a bang.  My disability will cover our mortage and leaves me just enough to buy grocery's that check is once a month.  My husband has been laid off from work for over a year with no prospects in sight, and has maxed out on unemployment wages. We have no money coming into the home other than my check and it is getting harder and harder to not have my stress leverl through the roof right now.  I am trying my best to hold everything together just so my son can have a decent christmas, with help from our families and i do not know what we would do if where not for our family's. I understand your stress level right now, but you are very strong and you can make it through this hard time. I am praying to god everyday my husband will find work soon, because god and my family are the best thing in my life right now. I think it sounds like you have a good soul mate right now so do not be worried about him leaving, because he seems to take very good care of you and he is a postive person that you need in your life. My husband used to be my strong arm that i could hold onto, but now even he is getting done in by not being able to go out everyday and do the duties he needs to do to provide for his family.  I have to be strong for him now and for my son, they are my life. I hope that you are able to relax and enjoy your holidays with your family.

God Bless,

Carrie/fibrodepressionmom 

Hi, you are lucky that your hubby is understanding.  20 years ago when I started seeing my hubby I did everything for him and spoiled him so now he expects it he is not patient, understanding, helpful and accepting.  He wants a spotless house, dinner ready, and does not even try to understand the fatigue only when I get the migraines he seems to understand.  I also used to do all the outside work and loved it.

Don't get me wrong, my house is not filthy but it is not spotless (I have a German Shepherd, the hair and footprints on the lineloum).  He is starting to demand that I get a job and I am afraid of the comitment never knowing what the morning will bring.  I was a waitress for years and made pretty good money but we followed his dream of being self employeed and I did the books.  My mind is not sharp enough anymore, between 2 different illnesses and then the fibro it just isn't there.  I have about 6 months of bookwork to catch up on.  So he lectures and makes me feel useless.  And I know that there is no way I can wait tables on my feet for 8 hours anymore.

I do make dinner and take care of my kennel and horses, run the sweeper, do laundry and dust (not enough for him).  Right now our furnace is broke so I have been keeping the woodburner going full force.  It is heating a 2500 sq ft log house.  Some rooms are so cold that I can't stand even going in them.  enough about me, just wanted to let you know that you have a keeper.

Oh did I mention that my hubby is a control freak???  He is and it drives me crazy.  I do all the christmas shopping, wrapping and decorating and then putting it all away.  He knows how much I love outside lights but never has the time or doesn't feel like it. 

Post Edited (GSDgirl) : 12/7/2010 2:20:20 PM (GMT-7)