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When your spouse is in pain as well!

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Fibromyalgia
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Posted 1/25/2011 11:31 PM (GMT 0)
Hi again! One t hing I am not sure I mentioned is that it seems my husband has Fibromyalgia too! He has been in chronic pain for the past five years (much longer than i have been) and just last year went to see his regular PCP who said he has 14/18 tender points so it looks like he has Fibro but for soem reason he still would not diagnose him. He wanted him to get a heart test first just because he complained of fatigue. I don't gt it since Fibro causes fatigue! Well, my husband was stubborn and didn't want to do it. The only reason he went in the first place was because I pushed him to get checked out. So he is in limbo land but we talk like he has it since I am 99% sure he does. He did get other blood tests done and other disorders were ruled out.

So anyway, i was wondering how many on here also have spouses who are in pain? I guess I just need to vent more than anything. i know there is not much advice to give me. I know this sounds selfish but sometimes I wish he was not in pain so i wouldn't feel guilty when i ask him to help me with something. Sometimes I'll say something like, can you help me lift the laundry? My arms are hurting... and then think, well, he is hurting too!

If anything comes out of this it is how we have been forced to learn to work together more as a team and sometimes i have to sacrafice how I feel to help him out. It's all a balancing act.

What's worse is we have only made love about 3 times last year because of being in pain or some other reason. I guess i feel so alone int his because most people with Fibro has a healthy partner, or I would assume so.

Kellie
Posted 1/26/2011 12:05 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Kellie, you are not alone, my husband does not have fibro but he does have Multiple Schlerosis and he is worse off than I am. I do understand what it is like to be in pain and still have to do most of the work. He can lift the laundry and bring it out to the dining room but my washer and dryer is downstairs and steps are not something that he deals well with on his own much less carrying something.
He cant carry his plate to the table or a cup of coffee because he shakes so bad that half of it spills before he gets it to the table. I love him very much though and even though I sometimes get frustrated because of my own lack of energy and my pain I know that it is worse for him.
Before the MS hit he was constantly working 3 jobs to support us and when the ms got bad it broke his heart. He feels totally worthless most days and I thank god that the anti-depressants and mood stabalizers that he is on have helped his depression.

Just wanted you to know that you are not alone and I will keep you in my prayers.
Gentle Hugs
Shirley
Posted 1/26/2011 12:16 AM (GMT 0)
Kellie,

The other side of the coin - I wish my husband could relate more to my pain! He's got a pulled muscle in his back right now, but it's very unusual for him to have anything that really affects his life.

Debbie
Posted 1/26/2011 12:20 AM (GMT 0)
You are going to think I am terrible BUT......I honestly would want my husband to experience 1 month of all the different things that we feel.

He does not believe that fibro is a real diagnosis, he thinks that my aches and pains are all in my head. I can not talk to him about anything to do with fibro unless there is something that he can SEE. I get so aggravated, just tonight I was telling him about the doctor visit and when I mentioned fibro I saw his eyes roll. I absolutely hate that!!!

I rarely complain when I am hurting and never blamed anything on fibro so it's not like he is tired of hearing about it. aarrghhh I just get so frustrated

Denise
Posted 1/26/2011 12:32 AM (GMT 0)
Denise, you are right, I am very thankful that he and I can relate and understand each other. But I wish he didn't have it. It's not like I want him to do EVERYTHING for me, as I do enjoy cleaning and activities around the house (just not the pain that comes with it) But what do you do when you are in pain and want someone to help you but the other person is in pain as well? I know this sounds silly, but sometimes we take turns with things to make it fair.
Posted 1/26/2011 12:41 AM (GMT 0)
Bridget, I am sorry that both you and your husband have fibro.  My husband (obviously) doesn't but I still do all the laundry, cleaning, cooking, and a whole lot more.  If he was ever to do any of that he makes it like he did me a big favor.

Sorry that I am so self centered on your thread. It sounds like you and hubby have a good thing going!!  My hubby is by no means a slouch, he is a workaholic but a little understanding on his part would be great.

Denise

Posted 1/26/2011 4:28 PM (GMT 0)
Denise-I"m so sorry that your husband thinks it's all in your head.. What an awful thing to deal with! you are ri ght, he is a good husband and does help me a lot, but I just wanted to vent on how frustrating it can be at times. (from my end of things) I know i can't walk in your shoes, and neither can a person who doesn't have to deal with their husband in pain as well.

Shirley- I'm sorry your husband has MS. Yes, that is even worse than Fibro it seems. My Aunt has that and can barely do anything. It sounds like you are a great help for him.
Posted 1/26/2011 5:20 PM (GMT 0)
My husband is in a wheelchair and has chronic pain as well, not from FMS or MS, but 6 yrs ago he had 68 tons of pipe dropped on him, crushing his left leg, and breaking his back. He just recently had surgery #24 on his left leg last week. It has been a long and hard road trying to fix his leg so he can walk. And there are few things he can do to help around the house so 90% of the housework falls to me, as well as his medication schedule, dr appts, and taking care of our 5 y/o and animals.
He laughs at me when I tell him I would take his leg pain on myself if I could, 'You're nuts, honey' my response, "I was in pre-term labor for 5 moz, my pain hormone levels are almost even with a person who has 3rd degree burns on 80% of their body, and I have no meds. So really, what is one more pain to me? Not $#!^."
Posted 1/27/2011 4:24 AM (GMT 0)
wow, Lola, that is awful what happend to your husband-- it's a miracle he's alive! I know i should't complain because at least my husband is able to help me. Wow, you sound like you have a great attitude though! I know that can help a lot.
Posted 1/27/2011 10:29 AM (GMT 0)
My husband has fibro as well. We also think that he has Gulf War Syndrome. He is in constant pain. Some days, we seem to snipe at each other when we are both dealing with the pain, but other times we do understand 'running out of spoons', needing to sleep more and just the can't help its.
Posted 1/27/2011 4:20 PM (GMT 0)
I know this sounds bad, but it is encouraging to me to know that I am not the only one who's husband has Fibro as well. It must be pretty rare though for both spouses to have it. Sometimes i question God, but i know He gives us strength. I'm sorry you both deal with it. Do you have any advice on how to keep a relationship alive when you are both in pain? We hardly ever make love. (if that's too personal, you don't have to get into that)
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