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Posted 5/2/2011 5:36 PM (GMT 0)
For those of you who only work part time or don't work outside of the home, what is a typical day like for you? My dd is leaving for college soon, and I want to make sure that I don't fall into the habit of not being active. I know we can't compare ourselves to others since we are all different with different additional chronic illnesses, etc., but I don't think I'm going to be able to work much outside the home, and I feel at a bit of a loss.

How do you keep busy? Do you have structured days? What do you push yourself to do? How much down time do you allow yourself? How do you cope with the isolation and/or loneliness?

Any input is appreciated. I'm getting ready for a big change, and I don't want it to all be negative. I know many people begin new careers when the Empty Nest hits, and since I can't do that, I'm really trying to figure out what to do with myself within my limitations. I don't want to become a depressed couch potato. I know that many people with chronic illnesses lead rich full lives. I guess I need some advice on how to do that.

Hugs - Austen
Posted 5/2/2011 8:23 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Austen, I don't work outside the home, so I think it is very important that I connect with my friends during the week. I'm lucky to have good friends in my neighborhood. We get together to do lunch, shop or just visit.

Exercise is important so I make time each day to walk, either with friends or by myself. Housework, grocery shopping and laundry keep me busy too. I have some hobbies that I enjoy and now that the weather is becoming nicer, I will be spending more time outdoors planting and maintaining my flower beds. Days that I need to take it easy, I'm usually reading a good book or watching TV. Coming to the forum daily always helps me too.

My days are somewhat structured, I like to get laundry done in the mornings and have the house in some order by early afternoon. If I have the opportunity to go and have fun, I always choose that over housework:) I have found that too much isolation isn't good for me...having fun always helps distract pain and that is a giant plus.

Change can be scary but it also can be very exciting and fulfilling!
Good Luck Austen...I'm sure you will do fine!!!

Hugs, Robin
Posted 5/2/2011 10:02 PM (GMT 0)
Austen,

What are your interests?

My kids have all moved out, my husband works all day, but I find that unless I'm actually sick, the time still goes way too fast! It's partly because I'm not organized - there are a dozen things I want to get done each day, and don't. I guess I spend a lot of time in the deep, deep fog!

Some days, like today, I had a church committee meeting...or I'll meet a friend for coffee.

I have a big house that needs so much cleaning, changing, and tidying, and nobody but me gives a hoot, so I never even come close to getting caught up with that. (That's mostly because of fibro - I can't, unless I want mucho pain. I just chip away at the edges for a few minutes, then make myself stop.) Then there are "business" things to deal with - health insurance, banking, etc....(my Achille's Heel!)

I also have a lot of my parents' stuff, and I'm continually going through that, storing, giving away, etc. Making decisions doesn't come easily to me (will I want it later on or not?) I'm "working on getting ready to start" scrapbooking and organizing pictures, momentos, etc...not that I've ever actually done it. But I'm very good at browsing for supplies and buying cute paper and albums! :)

And then grocery shopping, other shopping, taking care of 5 animals, trying to walk everyday, coming on this forum, making supper, and that's about it for me. A little TV, and time for bed - -

Debbie
Posted 5/2/2011 10:06 PM (GMT 0)
Austen, I-love-life!  I can find so many things to do that I don't have enough hours in the day to do them....most of the time.  I plan any chores or errands in the morning because that's the best time of day for me.  I walk every day and then get busy doing what I need to do.  Just taking care of my home keeps me busy.  I do pace myself and manage that way. 

 

I love to cook and read recipes so I like to try new meals and surprise my daughter when she comes for dinners.  I love working on my genealogy.  That's like being a detective and it's so neat finding out about your family that live 400+ years ago!  I love to read...especially mysteries.  I plan outings with friends.  A group of my friends and I are going to a baseball game in July.  (We plan ahead!  LOL)  I enjoy playing my uke.  I used to play four musical instruments but the uke is the only one I can hear now.  I'm thankful I learned how to play that!  I need to get busy with my drawing again.  I put that down several years ago but never seem to have the time to do it.  Oh, I also love gardening.  I'll putz around in the garden for about a half an hour when it needs tending.  I especially love that time.  I have pretty flowers, bird feeder and bird bath and lots of squirrels.  They play in the yard while I'm outside and all that beauty makes me smile.   

 

I do have isolation and sometimes lonliness but the computer and my friends and this forum are a huge help in that area.  I have recently gotten a closed-captioned telephone so I can use the phone again.  That is good and helps me a lot.  I plan either going out to lunch with friends or inviting them in for lunch.  I've been known to get in the car and drive to the next community to buy one item.  It gets me out of the house.  It is important to be with people so I try to do that as much as I can.  Unfortunately, nearly all my friends work but I catch them on their days off! 

 

I can go on and on.  There are things I've done but don't do anymore because of lack of time...hooking rugs and hand-stitching pictures.  Things like that you can learn to do if you don't know how.  A trip to Jo-Ann Fabrics, Michaels, or any sewing and craft store will give you some great ideas, too.  I rarely watch television.  I'll catch the news in the morning and get the rest on line. 

So, don't fret!  There is a ton of things out there for you to occupy yourself.  You'll be wishing there were  more hours in the day.  I know I do.  I hate heading to bed!  wink

 

Sherrine

Posted 5/2/2011 10:38 PM (GMT 0)
LOL, I am trying to think of the projects I have on the go and its endless. In the beginning I thought I would get those little projects done, that I had put aside for another day, but I would finish one and start 2 more.

I have this conversation with my neighbor as she is about to retire and is afraid of being bored as well. I have not worked in over 3 years and I keep the tv on background noise but I spend alot of time talking to my dogs and chickens, my little bantam layed her first egg today so I had to cheer her on.

I shop when I have a vehicle, putter in the garden, do household chores and the day is never long enough to accomplish everything. I like to schedule myself as well.

My hubby and I joke about what we will do when all the children move out, its a running joke because as fast as one moves out another is asking to move in. We have 6 adult children and in theory we should have been alone for at least 4 years but in reality we have had 3 months, and during that time I renovated the basement just got it done and we had youngest boy move in.
Posted 5/3/2011 1:11 AM (GMT 0)
Austen, first of all, CONGRATS on the DD graduating soon and starting college. How exciting for her and you.

My children are all adults, but two of them still live at home. The third one has been on his own for awhile, but he is moving back the end of this wk for about 2 months. Then he is moving to the Mid-West, I live on the East Coast. My younger son is planning to move to Florida in the early fall. My 'baby', my DD is seeing a young man and it seems to be serious, so we are waiting for the 'question'.

I haven't worked outside the home in a few yrs, but for the life of me, I haven't been retired. There was so much going on with family stuff and it still goes on.

I am up early, start the laundry, have a lite breakfast. My DH and I try to get a couple of walks in each day. We go over to the boardwalk 2 blocks away from us. This time of yr all the boats are starting to come out, I love looking at all the sails. We walk about an hr each time. I start prepping for dinner early, as I run out of steam early. I make a dinner that will last 2 nites, so I can do some housework on the other days.

I have to include the dr visits in my days activities. DH and I have a nice variety to visit, some social life. sad

I'm still trying to get legal things settled on several fronts. That takes up too much of my time and my energy.

I like to do scrapbooking, right now it's just hard to focus. I am very interested in genealogy, love the history invloved in those stories. I like to read, don't get much time until bedtime. One thing I found yrs ago, at my lowest point, I went out into the garden. I turned over the whole yd by hand. Yeah, I know, stupid. I set up all different areas for my garden. Roses, veggies, flowers, etc. I can't tear up the yd like I once did, but I find the time spent there so peaceful. As long as I don't focus on the weeds. LOL. I also want to see about getting a dog in the future, just can't do it right now. I have been emailing a couple of cousins of mine, one I've known all my life, one I just met a few wks back. They are delightful ladies and they are such bright points in my life.

It is difficult to go from 'Mommy' to 'Mom', but this is your time to develope new interests and continue to blossom. You have done a good job, you have brought your DD to this point in her life. She will be fine, she's had a good teacher! You will be fine. You have earned this time in your life, ENJOY IT!

God bless.  Alice.

 

Posted 5/3/2011 1:19 AM (GMT 0)
I know exactly what you're talking about. Even though both my kids are still living at home, I am just lost when they aren't around. It's tough for me after summer vacation because I sit around, not quite knowing what to do with myself. But then I get into the swing of things again and I end up flustered when they ARE home! lol

I do a lot of reading and I come on here quite a bit. I also go out to lunch sometimes with my friends - depends on how I am feeling. I used to be big into crafts but my hands are a mess so my actions are limited. But I do enjoy beading - I make my own necklaces.

When the weather is nicer, I take the dogs for a walk and go to the park.

I am also a computer game nut! :) I love playing the adventure hidden object games.

My husband works nights and doesn't get to bed until around 5am. I try to be as quiet as possible so I don't disturb him but then my house cleaning is put on hold until the afternoon. So I do things that don't require too much noise.

If I don't feel like doing anything....I don't! I know my limits and I don't push myself.
Posted 5/3/2011 2:38 AM (GMT 0)
I have not worked for a little over a year. Just recently approved for disability. Before I started receiving disability I went to the library at least once a week. Now that I have a little more income I try to get out and walk at WalMart or Peddlers Malls, but still don't spend much! I have 3 daughters and my oldest one is graduating and getting ready for college as well.

The hardest thing for me is not going back to rest "just a little" after getting my girls off to school! If I stay up I tend to be more productive. I had a yoga routine going for a while, until my mother-in-law visited for 3 weeks. Now I'm all off kilter! If I lay down to rest, then I find I don't feel well all day and its hard to get going again.

I am an obsessive reader and spend my bad days on a heating pad with a good book or two. On my good days I try to make myself go outside. Once there, there are usually neighbors out to socialize with. Another very hard thing for me! I love to garden, crochet, paint, cross stitch, and delve into any other craft that seems interesting and challenging. Not to mention dishes, laundry, etc.

The important thing is to not give into your loneliness and isolation. That's one reason I joined here, so I have people that understand what I'm going through that I can talk to. Embrace your time, but know your limits! Good luck and hope to catch up with you on here again!


Bobbi
Posted 5/3/2011 12:13 PM (GMT 0)
Wow, thank you so much for all of the tips and encouragement. I can see that there are two things that I need to work on: finding a hobby/something I enjoy doing and getting out and socializing more. I've let both fall by the wayside as I've focused most of my attention on my family (you wouldn't think that a teenage girl would require so much attention and effort, lol), so it's a new thing for me to have to focus on myself now.

It's so helpful to me to see that many of us have the same struggles. I'm trying (emphasis on the "trying") to view this change as somewhat positive, an opportunity to find out who I am. It's just sometimes difficult to see who I actually am aside from someone who battles chronic health problems.

It was also really helpful to see that most of you aren't out running marathons or building sheds by hand, lol. I'm somtimes too hard on myself in what I think I "should" be doing. Almost everything you listed that you do to stay active and productive is doable for me. That is encouraging. :-)

Hugs - Austen
Posted 5/3/2011 1:45 PM (GMT 0)
Hate to be a downer but I've been on ssd for 15/16 years and I'm just trying to keep my house cleaner. I'm lucky to be able to do that.
Posted 5/3/2011 2:44 PM (GMT 0)
A teenage girl NOT requiring attention and effort???? My goodness! LOL My 15 year old daughter has me running all over the place! She starts driver's training soon and is going to get her license in August.....I'm counting down the days!

I am just now getting into the swing of focusing on myself for a change. It's tough when you go from Mommy-mode to retired Mommy-mode. It takes a period of adjustment. But when you get there, you can sit back with a sigh and pride of all your accomplishments as a mom.

I have had a chronic illness since I was 21 (I'm 41 now) so the past 20 years I have been trying to come to terms with it and find out who I am. It's not easy but I am finally in acceptance and I can finally put those thoughts on the back burner. I go out and enjoy things when I can but I don't let those down days get me depressed. It's just a hiccup in the road.

If you like to volunteer, you can go to whatever foundation or group you want and offer your time. This can help you get out of the house while doing something good for the community. I was a Girl Scout leader for about 4 years and that was a lot of fun and time consuming. I love being around kids and I used to babysit (older children).
Posted 5/8/2011 6:01 PM (GMT 0)
Wow!! You guys are so fortunate.... I'm lucky if I make it out of bed most days!!! 
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