How do you get others to accept your limitations?

I'm newly diagnosed with FM and I'm still trying to feel my way around my body's limitations. Last week I was feeling pretty good and decided to go to the gym and do just a little exercise. I did a fraction of what I was capable of just a few months ago and I was nearly bed ridden.

I have some friends who have been spending time at the lake with their kids. They keep telling me how relaxing I'll find it to go to the lake. I tell them "But first I have to get the kids out of bed, pack lunches, get towels, swim suits, chairs, sunscreen, etc. together. Then I have to drive to the lake (I live out of town so no matter where we go my drive is a half hour longer than theirs) then get everything and everyone out of the car and set up. Then I get to "relax" until it is time to put it all back in the car, drive home, do the extra load or two of laundry and dishes...then fall into bed exhausted!"

I work full time and my weekends are my recoup time. My kids are happy staying at home, either visiting friends or having friends over. they don't care if we miss the lake.

What do you tell people who just don't get it?

Hi Namian~

And welcome to the fibro family! I'm sure there are are many others who are in a similar situation as yours. After all...we don't 'look' sick, do we? We were able to do a lot yesterday, why not today? These are such hard topics and situations to get those we love to understand.

One thing you can do is to make a copy of 'The Spoon Theory". It was written by a gal with Lupus who was trying to explain to her friend the same situation that you are in. She does a wonderful job of explaining that we only have a finite amount of energy and when it's done we're done. If we keep pushing we'll be down longer than is we quit when we've reached our limit. The similarities between Fibro and Lupus as far as energy goes are striking. So when she writes about Lupus you can substitute Fibro and it's just the same for us.

www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/

Print off a copy and either read it to your friends or send it and let them read it for themselves, substituting Fibro for Lupus. I think it will shock them and give them something to think about. There's something odd about the human brain and how it combines what the eye sees with logic and knowledge. Fibro is confusing, to say the least. We appear well to the untrained eye. We tell others we're in pain and from what they can see they just don't get it. Plus, they don't want you to be 'sick'.

If for some reason your friends won't listen then you might have to cultivate some new friends who's life is more like yours. It's hard to do but surrounding yourself with upbeat and fun people is good medicine for those of us with fibro.

Hope this helps,
Chutz

It takes us a while to accept our limitations, so it is going to take others awhile too. They do not fully understand because they are not living our lives.

Time will help others understand somewhat. I think it is important from the beginning for everyone to be open about their feelings.
Our activity levels have changed so it's frustrating for us and the others who might have to pick up our slack...it is a big change for the entire family. We are not the only ones who are affected by fibro. It helped me to tell hubby if I was angry or frustrated about not being able to do things like I used to...he seemed more willing to help out. He became to understand that I wanted to do certain things but at times it was difficult. He became more understanding.

I think it is important that we show others that we haven't given up on life by being as socially active as possible...it does us good to have lots of fun. If we let others know how much we enjoy the time we have with them...they may be more willing to accept when an invitation has to be turned down.

There will always be some people who will never get it, they are who they are regardless of explaining.

If we live our lives to be happy others around us others usually are too.

Hugs, Robin

Most people can tell if I am having a bad pain day because I am withdrawn its easier to say nothing at all than to say something I probably will regret later. On good days like most of us I overdo things and then the bad days hit me very hard I require a walking aide and braces on bad days so it's easier for others to tell.