*Please share your stories and advice*

Hi everyone! I just posted this in the chronic pain section but I wanted to get as much feedback as possible, so I am reposting it here. Thanks!

Hello! Thank you for clicking on my post. I hope you'll take the time to read my story and share your own stories and advice.

I have been dealing with chronic pain and mental health problems for a years now. I'm sixteen now and my pain and depression and anxiety started getting really bad around three years ago.

I did display some symptoms when I was a child though. Sometimes the back of my calves would hurt so bad that I couldn't sleep. I would lay in bed and cry and grab my legs and wish that they would stop hurting. This occurred since I was a child but everyone said it was "growing pains". I've also always been anxious around people. When I was in elementary school, I used to lay in bed the night before school and obsess over silly things. I would worry that my homework wasn't in my bag or that my teacher would call on me a lot to answer questions. I would panic while waiting for the bus in the morning. Once I got to school, my face would turn so red and I felt like I was going to die just because I had to say "here" during attendance. While walking through the hallways, I felt like everyone was staring at me.

My more serious pains started three years ago when I was thirteen. It was a constant ache in my shoulders and neck at first. I also started getting migraines around this time. I visited neurologists and my primary care doctor and specialists but nothing helped. I also began having problems with my mental health later that year. My pain kept getting worse and so did my depression and anxiety. I started turning to negative coping skills, such as self injury, to deal with it. I was hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital for three days when at the end of that year because I was planning on killing myself. I was also hospitalized three times last year: once in a medical hospital for migraines and twice in a psychiatric hospital- once for self harm and thoughts of suicide and another for an attempt including a large consumption of alcohol and pills. I missed a lot of school that year.

My pain kept getting worse and worse to the point where it is unbearable now. I lay in bed and sob with a heating pack on. I take my "rescue meds" but they don't really help. I've missed this whole week of school. I am starting to get scared that I'm going to do something to hurt myself because I don't know how long I can take this pain. I don't want to live like this. I can't keep going on feeling this way. It is physically impossible for me to do lots of daily tasks. My pain is a ten out of ten and it's all over! My toes and fingers feel like they're cramping, my ankles and wrists ache, the back of my calves always burn, my neck and shoulders hurt so bad, my back aches, and I still get migraines all the time. All of my doctors lately (my therapist, my psychiatrist, and my pain doctor) have said "hang in there". How am I supposed to hang in there?

I've tried physical therapy, therapy, I see a psychiatrist, neurologist, rheumatologist, and a pain doctor. I've received injections, pain meds, advice on coping skills to use. I try to journal, draw, write, exercise, do some deep breathing and imagery, distract myself, pray, listen to music, look up suggestions online, and talk to people, but NOTHING is helping this pain. It's unbearable. I can't do this anymore.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I literally just sit around and cry all day. This pain is unbearable. I can not live my life. How can I go on? I am close to overdosing again and just ending the pain. Please help.

Please share your stories and advice on anything related to this. I would love to hear stories from people who are going through something similar to what I am and I would also love to get some support and advice.

Thank you. Have a great night!

--I forgot to talk about my diagnosis! Doctors have thought that I have RND, or amplified pain syndrome, fibromyalgia, or dystonia (The DRD gene. It runs in my family). I need something to help me get through this. I'm starting to think about just ending this pain. Please help.

Emerald,

What a story. I feel so bad for you! It certainly sounds like you've tried most of the avenues of help. The only ones I can think of that you didn't mention are acupuncture, massage, and chiropractic adjustments.

What about meds on a regular basis? I know a 16-year-old who has Fibro, and she takes - gee, I've forgotten - one of the ones they give us to alter our brain chemicals, you know, to make the brain "feel" differently. Lyrica or Cymbalta or Celebrex, one that's all over TV these days. And it does help her. Everyone here has fibro, but our coping mechanisms vary widely...some use meds, some supplements, some both, some neither. And there are so many different combos that affect everyone differently...same with excercise and everything else. Don't give up!

My story - when I had been suffering from fibro for a few years, (but didn't know it) I was finally persuaded to see a chiropractor. My biggest complaint by far at the time was back pain ( I had 3 young kids.) The relief was unbelievable the first time I was adjusted! Up until that point, I had felt that there was a possibility I just couldn't go on living in that much pain, so I know what unbearable chronic pain is like.

I subsequently found an MD who diagnosed me, and am on several meds. I still get my sacrum and SI joint adjusted occasionally - it's not the whole answer. But apparently, my joints were so locked down tight that first time that the chiro said, "you must have a high pain tolerance."

You never know. I sure hope you find something that helps. Keep coming on this forum, please! Lots of good people can help, and we do care!!

Debbie

Hi witty emerald,

I'm so sorry for all your health issues at such a young age. I was very sickly as a child/teenager. School proved to be a difficult part of my life so I didn't do as well as I could have if I was healthier. A child counts on his or her parents to help them. Trouble was with me great qualities that my parents had, my mother was very controlling, extremely negative, and verbally abusive toward me and my sweet father was a smoker. I do love them, they've since passed on, and I'm very thankful for all that they did for me.

I didn't put two and two together back in my childhood but I came to find when I was out of my house for a while I felt better. Can I ask you, emerald, do you have any issues going on with your parents and if one or both of them smoke? I know when I'm around passive smoke my pain increases, I become more exhausted, it's more difficult for me to concentrate and to breathe. I try to keep away from it as much as I can. Taking baths is something that helps me. It relaxes my muscles and helps my breathing.

Emerald, try and eat healthy. I know when I eat the wrong foods it makes everything worse. Are you getting enough sleep? Are you walking outdoors for exercise?

I've found a good chiropractor who helps me deal with my pain issues. You might want to give one a call. When my spine is out of alignment I suffer. He puts me straight.

Even after all that I've gone through I wouldn't change a thing. It shaped me into what I am today. I'm a survivor and even though I have debilitating health issues my life has changed very much for the better.

I hope that for you. Keep in touch.

Hi Witty Emerald,

I am new here myself, but I can say that you've come to the right place.

Everyone here is very caring and there's alot of support.

First of all, I'm so glad to see that your spirit's seem a bit brighter after having read some of the responses that you've gotten

Sometimes that's what helps the most, knowing that you are among people who understand and care.

My heart literally broke to hear someone your age so full of pain and sadness. You seem very mature for your age, but I suppose going through all that you have in your short life, has made you grow up much sooner than you ever should have had to. And no, it is not fair. If I questioned hard enough why anyone so young, let alone any of us, have been dealt the hand that we have, it would drive me insane. So I don't. A good part of this is acceptance, not such an easy thing for someone dealing with such considerable pain I know, but with pain comes growth, and strength and finally acceptance.

I'm 34, for you that must seem ANCIENT! lol, believe me, I remember being your age ;)But I have alot of days where I think I'm too young for this! There's a grieving process that I'm still going through. Many of us are going through it- at any age. Because not one of us could have imagined this being the direction our lives would take us.

What I'm saying is, acceptance is a big part of wellness. Even if it's just keeping our minds healthy. I, like you, have struggled with depression since I was a teen. It's a very frightning and difficult journey. But it shapes who we become. It strengthens us, it teaches us, and ultimately, we become better, more compassionate people because of it. 

There's been some really great advice and suggestions given, and I wish I could offer you more answers. But as I continually search to find my own while on this journey, I offer you my support and someone to talk to any time you need to. And to tell you I care, even without knowing you.

Please continue to reach out, share your thoughts. There is so much comfort in knowing you are not alone.

Please don't ever, ever, ever give up. Life can be a beautiful thing!! There are advancements in medicine and science all the time.  I've read that there's a study being conducted on fibromyalgia that's right around the corner. Hopefully they will understand much more about it then and hopefully find ways to treat it more aggressively.

Continue coming back and sharing. And continue to update us on how you are doing, even if you feel that you don't have anything positive to share. There aren't conditions here that you have to be happy all of the time.

I hope today is a better day for you than the last, just remember that there are always people here to talk to. A big hug to you!

 

Thank you Daisy. That was really kind. I do try to tell myself that I'll be a stronger, more understanding, and more helpful person because of what I've gone through.
And thank you again to everyone who took the time to reply!

Make sure you don't miss your chance to make a wish on 11:11 on 11/11/11!!