Ugh... What should I do?

At work next week we're having a 2-day strategy and team building time. The two days are in my home city so I don't have to travel BUT... the schedule is brutal.

First day is from 7:30 am - 8:00 pm.  Not a joke. We have a long day and then expected to have a 'team dinner' from 6:00 pm - 8:00 pm.

Next day starts at 7:30 am again and after a full morning of meetings they have a 3-hour long "outdoor activity, walking involved, wear warm clothing and comfortable shoes" teambuilding activity.

Really?  I have a hard time making it through a regular full-time day let alone this extended stuff with outdoor activity. What should I do?

I want to skip the dinner on the first day, as I'm certain that long of a day for me will send me into flare mode and I'll be in bad shape for day two.

I'd also like to skip the 3-hour long outdoor activity on day two.  That is WAY too much for me. My work knows about my condition but I think they figure that a walking activity is still okay. 

Any advice on how I tell my boss that I cannot participate in the full schedule?  How do I do this without seeming like I'm not a team player? 

Ugh...

Bklvr, I empathize with you - I still remember the last retreat our spiritual care department went on, before I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia but was in a lot of unexplainable pain, and it involved some team-building exercises both indoors and out. I so looked forward to the breaks where I would find a corner all to myself to put my feet up and force myself to relax, even for just a few moments at a time.

Any chance that you can get a medical note from your doctor, that you are not able to participate in all or at least some of the events?

Hi everyone. Your replies mean a lot to me. Thanks for sharing.

Today I emailed my boss (He was away and I thought it would be good to have it in writing too) and let him know that the outdoor activity is more than I can physically manage due to my health condition. I let him know that I don't feel 'left out' but I cannot participate in the activity.

His response to me was: "I want you to consider attending anyway and maybe you can just sit in the park area or in the car."

Really? Sitting in a parked car for 3 hours sounds like a great time! Sitting in the park would be nice except that I'm in Canada and it's still winter here. The weather is unpredictable at this time of year so it's not likely to be a nice day to just sit in the park.

I think his suggestions are ridiculous and unprofessional. My boss hasn't been supportive in the last several months. I provided him a doctor's note that I need to work one day a week from home and my boss didn't like that very much. He gave me the: "but you don't look sick" response.

I'll let you know what happens. My boss is a very demanding person and he will put lots of pressure on me. However, my condition has been worse lately so I'm not going to let him bully me and risk a terrible flare up.

Wish me luck!

Oh yes, I can certainly get a note from my doctor to excuse me from the activity. Only problem is that I cannot get an appointment with my doc before the scheduled activity takes place.

Well, obviously walking in the snow isn't part of your job description...especially if sitting in a cold car for hours is acceptible to the moron you call a boss!  I would let them know this is terribly painful for you and that doing this really has no bearing on what you do in the office.  Ask for the schedule so you will be where you need to be BEFORE the outing and AFTER they return.  Make sure you are right on time for the other things.

 

Here is some info from the American Disability Act.  Your boss really can't do anything about it.  You will see some words crossed out.  These were changes made to the act in 2008.

 

http://www.ada.gov/pubs/adastatute08mark.htm#12112

 

Also, go to Fibro 101 and read the article about maintaining a positive attitude.  Right now you are saying you can't do this and you can't do that.  But you might really end up enjoying a lot of this!  Many time our adrenaline kicks is and we surprise ourselves what we are able to do!  Go with the attitude that you will like this diversion.  Be sure to take your meds on time and try to stretch as you go along.  The gentle stretching exercises in Fibro 101 could help you there because they can be done sitting down.  Just plan on having a good time...and you just might!

 

Let us know how it goes because we really do care about you.

 

Sherrine

Hello again. I appreciate the comments here and it helps me feel supported.

I will let you all know what happens next week once the activity takes place.

To answer a few of your questions:
I am very familiar with the ADA and it's an excellent piece of legislation. I am not American but in Canada we have similar legislation called Duty to Accommodate.
http://www.chrc-ccdp.ca/preventing_discrimination/toc_tdm-eng.aspx

I have become intimately familiar with it as of late. I know that my employer doesn't get to say 'no' for instance to my requests as he has a Duty to Accommodate. This is why I am now legally entitled to work from home one day per week because my doctor has ordered it. This is also why my boss was not happy about it.

I work for an organization that is funded by the Canadian government. A breach of the Duty to Accommodate law would be very serious in any company but especially serious in a government-funded organization. There are human rights commissions here and I could file a complaint. Of course, that would be my absolute last choice because filing a complaint would be a very big deal so I need to be sure before doing that. That said, I won't hesitate to file if the situation becomes worse at work. In this case my boss's boss (the chair of our board of directors; my boss is the CEO of our company) would be informed an so would our federal funders.

I love my company and the work we do. We create new jobs for Canadians and help new businesses in Canada get their products to market. It's very important for our economy and I don't want to do anything to disrupt the good work. It's just my boss who is the problem. My colleagues are all very understanding and supportive of me. They are great.

Sorry for the lengthy message. I guess I'm going through a bit of an internal process with all that is happening at work lately. My doc wants me to work from home 2 days per week rather than 1 and I know my boss will be furious. I am waiting until next month to bring it up as that timing is better for me. A lot to think about.

Booklvr, I am so sorry that your problem was 'solved' in you having to leave! Hopefully this flare will pass quickly.

Isn't it funny that 'you can just sit and rest' and continue on? What they don't get is that just sitting can be bad too! (I am beginning to think I need to take a pillow around with me to be able to sit anywhere.) I wish your boss could understand that even laying down on the most comfortable of beds can at times feel like a bed of nails.

(((Gentle hugs)))

 

I'm certain, too, that your boss directed that comment at you--what an insensitive person!!  I don't normally wish for bad things to happen to people, but I'd like him to have a dose of something (maybe for a month or two)...something that wouldn't show on the outside, but would made it difficult for him to get through each day.  This just has me steaming mad--you're trying to do the best you can, and he belittles you...grrrrrrr!!!

 

you know that is almost like harrassement.... geez..... that wasn't fair for you... really...

anglefeather, you're right--this type of abuse is subtle, and any "calling him out" on it would certainly result in the boss acting like he was misunderstood...it's so frustrating!! 

Yep, sometimes people like this just need to walk in another person's shoes for a bit to set 'em straight, but like you said, it's wishful thinking.

booklvr, I too am sorry you have to have this horrible man for your boss...life is hard enough without that!

HAH! I love it. He will have to back off in order to save face. Or, he could chosose to push it, and might have a heavy-duty morale issue on his hands.