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That guilty feeling....

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Posted 9/26/2012 12:40 PM (GMT 0)
Does anyone else here struggle with feeling guilty when others in the family go to their jobs, while you stay home with your fibro?

I know several people here valiantly go to work, and hats off--you deserve a medal!  But for those of us at home who either can't work or can't find work, do you feel guilty?  I do sometimes, especially since my husband is so understanding and has to carry the extra load that I would like to carry, but can't.

I suppose it's silly of me to feel guilty, since I do all I can to help out here at home, but...

And it doesn't help when relatives and friends sometimes broadly hint that THEY are so busy, have to go to work, have to watch their grandkids, have to--this and that (ahhh....if only they understood!). But I'm not exactly lying on the couch all day eating bonbons, and I don't think any of us are guilty of that! eyes

Posted 9/26/2012 1:35 PM (GMT 0)
I don't feel guilty, I feel bless that I can stay home. I wish I could work, but I know it would kick in my fibro. I know my husband sees a dramatic change in my health since I have been off. The stress was killing me. My pain use to consume me. I try to keep things flowing in the household during the day. I have good and bad days as most.of us does.

Try not to feel guilty. We didn't ask to be in constant pain. Hopefully your family understands.
Posted 9/26/2012 2:45 PM (GMT 0)
After I quit working, I felt bad that my husband worked all day, then would come home and help with household chores. He has never complained...even on days where he would come home to no dinner, he is willing to go out and pick us up a meal. He knows and I know now that I can only do what I can do on certain days...the guilt is gone.

I don't worry what others say...they aren't living with my pain... as long as I know that I'm doing what I can, I'm OK.

Hugs, Robin
Posted 9/26/2012 5:58 PM (GMT 0)
I would be feeling guilty if I wasn't taking the utmost care of myself. My friends and family members see that and they know I'm doing all that I can do to help myself.

As the years go on I'm sure the general public will understand more and more what we're going through.
Posted 9/26/2012 6:21 PM (GMT 0)
I feel extremely guilty. I worked for the past 8 yrs and it was great having 2 incomes. Now i see dh stressing about bills and i feel it is my fault that my body is letting me down in so many ways. I am the type that always feel as if i am at fault no matter what it is and if i could not have caused the problem in any way. Dh keeps talking about possible getting a 2nd job to help pay for bills. He works as a maintenance specialist 40 hrs a week and then comes home to find that i have not cleaned the house or cooked, etc. He is great as i have said before but i feel so guilty. I kept saying i am sorry he had to be at the hospital Monday night. he kept telling me i could not help it and not to worry.
Posted 9/26/2012 7:49 PM (GMT 0)
I guess I bounce back and forth between feeling guilty and then thinking "oh well, I do what I can." You ladies here have some great insights and I feel better.

ladywithfibro: You sound like me. I had planned to go back to work when our kids were older, and this was the year. Your husband sounds like mine, too. I guess we'll just keep on doing what we can and make the best of it. I do think my husband totally understands, but I guess loving him so much, it hurts me to see him carrying the extra load I had planned to carry. I'll just keep trying, though, and I believe things will work out one way or another.
Posted 9/26/2012 8:43 PM (GMT 0)
I think this hits on a societal issue: low incomes and high standards of living expectations. Not saying anyone here hasn't trimmed to the bone, but I've encountered many " in real life" people who complain they can't work but have cable TV, two cars, and drink Starbucks. On the other hand, many just can't earn a living wage anymore to support a household which is a shame. We are people, not economic units. In response to the feeling of guilt, I feel bad because I know ultimately my fiancé will have to shoulder nearly all our expenses. I wish the government would step up and help people like us find flexible jobs so that we can work with our illness.
Posted 9/27/2012 10:25 AM (GMT 0)
Yes I feel guilty a lot! And hubby to be is sooooo understanding! And when he is off he insists we grocery shop so he can help me and its his one lazy day, he helps with house work etc!

He keeps telling me not too, but I can't help it. And even though he is soooooo understanding I finally read and showed him "the spoon theory" and it almost brought him to tears. But he already knew the choosing what to do according to the day, but I think it gave him a larger insight, and he asked me to email it to him. He wants kids to read it, to help their understanding too.

So weird how things I complain about was there! Like if I am home alone, and he says go get something to eat and I have told him not sure I could drive there and home!
Posted 9/27/2012 11:44 AM (GMT 0)
What is the spoon theory?

Thanks!
Posted 9/27/2012 12:23 PM (GMT 0)
Its under fibro 101, it helps those without fibro to understand what we go through. If you haven't read it go do so! Its great!
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