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Posted 11/5/2012 7:03 AM (GMT 0)

For the last few months, serious issues with our 20 something daughter, who is intelligent and well educated have plagued our family. Her choices have been horrendous. As parents we have tried our utmost to help her, to provide incentive for her to want to recover, been there for support in every imaginable way,  setting up appointments with doctors and every facility in her city,  but she ultimately refuses it by returning to her method of coping (alcohol). 

 She is married and has an infant son who in reality does not have a mom. We are so fortunate that her husband is a great dad...he obviously has also gone thru hell in every attempt to help her, to no avail.

You'd think after being involuntarily committed several times, being detoxed and in short term rehab 5 times since the summer would be enough for her to say and mean that she wants help for real.  She lies, attempts to manipulate by trying to instill guilt,  done 'very bad things" (her words), and cares very little, if anything for her baby and anyone else.  

In her head she is always the victim, never taking responsibility for any of this.

It breaks my heart.  

This is therapeutic for me to write this.  Of course there is so much more.

Mainly I wanted to say that stress is such a huge factor in triggering major fibro flares. My hips, legs and feet feel like painful giant toothaches. My heart has been racing for several days.

We provided an excellent home for her. We very rarely drank, we felt we were good role models and parents. She lacked for nothing. My husband and I were always there for her to talk to.

She has driven away the few friends she had.

I'm just so sad and heart broken. The physical, emotional and mental toll is enormous since she has cried 'wolf' many times, only to return to her destructive pattern.

  It's all about her, giving absolutely no consideration to anyone. She has caused horrible damage to everyone. We've done everything humanly possible to help. At this time, I cannot attempt to provide anymore help due to extreme exhaustion. She twists facts around, never does what we suggest (which of course is in her best interest), is an  illogical drama queen...yes, I realize so much is the alcohol, but this may be a prior to drinking personality issue.......I've hit the wall so to speak.

 stress is just plain evil and painfully flare- inducing in every aspect...

Thank you for reading...any words of encouragement/advice would be greatly appreciated.

Yankee girl

Posted 11/5/2012 10:59 AM (GMT 0)
Yankee girl,

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. Stress is very hard on us.

My fiance has a brother who is an alcoholic. He doesn't work, either does his wife. They have grown use to receiving handouts from my fiance's mother. Trouble is, my fiance's mother is no longer competent enough to do this. Concerned about what kind of family I would be marrying into and if my fiance would step in being the one to hand out money, I talked my fiance into attending an alanon meeting.

It helped a great deal. I no longer am stressed about the future. There were people there who understood, they shared their stories, they informed us of what an alcoholic is like, and they also gave my fiance some helpful advice. Like letting him know some rescources he could turn to. My fiance now understands how he should handle his brother. I'm sure he will always be there emotionally for his brother and help out when need be like a family emergency.

Good luck to you.
Posted 11/5/2012 2:47 PM (GMT 0)
thanks so much almost medfree and Deepwell for your kind words.

Al-anon would probably be a good idea. Yes, my husband and I are well aware she's like a vampire, sucking our blood and soul out of us with her continuous drama...... and we have detached to a degree....quite a lot actually, and I too, watch "Intervention" and am trying to heed their advice.

We've tried. So hard. So many times, in so many ways. I'm very, very tired. That wall I've hit sure is hard.
Posted 11/5/2012 2:58 PM (GMT 0)
Stress is very hard. We all go through periods in our lives where life amps up the pressure unbearably. There is a way out, eventually, but, and I forgot who first said this, you "have to go through the sun, rather than around it."

Let her go to learn how to make her own decisions. Sometimes, that is the only way forward. Yes, it hurts unbearably.

The past year has been awful for me personally, though work, family, and health. Sometimes, just moving forward helps us make it out, even if the steps seem to take forever.
Posted 11/5/2012 3:53 PM (GMT 0)
My sister had to deal with an alcoholic and drug abuser for 20 years. She tried to be supportive and be the devoted wife. Finally she hit the wall with him and cut him out of her life as much as you can when you share a child.
When he came to visit my niece she left the house we shared. She gave him tough love. It was hard, but it all turned out ok in the end.
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