Could the fibromyalgia be revealing their true feelings?

This IS a pickle.
You can discuss it with them and tell them how that made you feel.

They'll probably apologize. Will that fix it?
Probably not.

It kind of depends on you. If you don't talk to them about it, will it cause resentment in you? Because that would only hurt your health.

Maybe discuss and then when they are embarrassed you can get them to commit to going to a doctor's visit with you so they can hear it from the doctor that what you have is real even though they can't see anything?

Congratulations on being the smartest person in your family!!!

Ouch! I would have to say something, too...either that or just totally avoid them. Of course, that's hard to maintain when they're family and you care so much about them.

I remember a few months ago, when you were hurt by their reaction to your miscarriage. Really sorry you're in this hard situation. Do you think they would go with you to an appt? If so, would they listen to the doctor?

Debbie

Angelic_Victory, I’m sorry you’re in that situation.

 

After long running issues with my sister I’ve just made the choice to cut her out of my life.

(Long story, ends with her burning her own house down to spite her ex. Who never lived in that house anyway, and had nothing stored there... Not really sure if there was a thought process involved in that particular life choice )

 

The major things I considered before I did it were:

Will she change?

Is the situation likely to improve?

Am I able to overlook our problems?

Am I able to detach from the hurt she’s causing if I keep her in my life?

If she wasn’t related, would I still associate with her?

 

I came to the conclusion she’ll never change, and were looking like they were only going to get worse. I couldn’t just overlook our problems any longer, and I wasn’t able to come to terms with all the hurt she kept causing.

And honestly, if she wasn’t my sister I’d avoid her like the plague.

 

I hope things work out.

Why don't you go to Fibro 101 and send them a copy of Doctors Respond To New York Times Article. You see, there was an article in the NY Times that was saying that fibro wasn't a real illness. Learned doctors responded to their ignorance. It's really good and if they are capable of trying to understand, this could go a long way.

If this doesn't work, let them know your health is not going to be a topic of discussion anymore. If even ONE more negative email arrives after you sent them the article, I wouldn't open their email anymore. The delete button works quite well, thank you!

You can still talk on the phone but I sure wouldn't discuss my health with them. There are plenty of other topics that will unite the family. Unfortunately your health is dividing the family. I'm glad yor husband isn't involved.

You do not need the stress these people are causing. They are ignorant when it comes to fibro and may remain that way, too, but just ignore them and don't discuss you health with them. You, the American Medical Association, the World Health Organization and many others, your doctors and of course your fellow HW members know the truth.

Sherrine

I can relate (somewhat) to the problem. Without giving specifics, I agree, it's terribly frustrating and hard to handle.

What I have done is put some space between myself and said family members. I've found that they tend to group together and gossip, so I make sure I give them NO info to gossip about. When we communicate now, I keep it light and upbeat. They still "bait" me (fairly often, actually), but I don't take the bait. Sometimes people like that sort of feed off of stirring up others and take a kind of sick pleasure in it. Why, I don't know. I do see clearly (and it's take years) that they have some emotional issues that aren't healthy.

Everyone is under stress these days with the economy and the way things are in general. For that reason, I do try to cut everyone a little slack. I believe we should give people the benefit of the doubt, and I, personally, try hard to live by Christian principles.  But I refuse to be a doormat--no one should be a doormat, and the Lord, Himself wouldn't want anyone to be that. If they want to gossip about me, fine--let them. But since they have cut me out of anything going on in the family, yet expect me to share every private detail of myself and my family's lives, I'm not budging an inch. I just keep smiling!

I'm pleasant when I talk to them, share holiday greetings, send birthday and anniversary cards, ask how someone is doing if they're sick, etc., but that's it. In the past, I think I've shared too much, and because some relatives are bossy, nosy, envious, etc. that doesn't work, obviously. So, I'm very careful how often and how much I share these days.  I do see it has improved things and I'm feeling much more positive.  It seems a happy medium.

I don't know if this little diatribe helps you, but perhaps you can relate, somewhat. Maybe you can chat about the weather, which team will win, the latest big news story, etc., but not about your health.  Steer any conversation away from that and ANY problem areas (at least that's what I do).  And don't feel you have to answer every email.  As I said, there is some 'baiting' going on, so why bother to respond if they're in a cranky mood?  That's not good for anyone!

You surely have my sympathy!

One of these family members is an rn who has spent a large portion of her career in long term care. She calls me only to complain about her recently developed arthritis and to pass judgement on my life, which she doesn't know anything of. I have quit sharing with them both a long time ago.
At this time all I have done is send a text suggesting the one who keeps with the accidental calls to please make sure she locks her phone when not in use and let a different family member know that I have decided on making a decided attempt at nothing more than a cool acquaintance type relationship with them at this time.
I do really appreciate your thoughtful replies. For many reasons I have horrible self esteem and usually blame such things on myself but I don't want to anymore. I deserve happiness.

You have truely gotten good advice here. I hope things will get better with them but a person can only take so much. Do what is best for your health & happiness. Wish you the best outcome. :)

I'd hand on to it, apple! These people don't always get the message easily. Besides, I think we could always summon up some doctors or politicians who are not always kindred spirits. Lol

I am sorry that these family members are not supportive.

Continue to love yourself unconditionally, regardless of their cruel words. Don't allow them to create anger and stress for you...there will always be others who just don't get it. Don't let these people bring you down.

" I will fill myself with love, and I will send it out to the world. How others treat me is their path, how I react is mine."

Hugs, Robin

I'm so sorry, that must've really really hurt to hear them say that.

From what you've said in the past I think that they are really toxic to you. I understand your desire for family, but you may want to take a step back and see what, if anything, you are getting from this relationship. If the truth is that you are only getting hurt then I'd do everything possible to get as far away from them physically as well as emotionally. If you do get something positive from the relationships then I'd try to limit my contact to only those aspects as much as possible.

Enlist your husband to help you, as well as your therapist. Don't confront them, they'd likely lie or tell you that you misunderstood. People who talk that way behind your back aren't likely to be honest to your face. It isn't worth the effort.

Focus on what helps you, what strengthens you, what makes you feel better. Avoid the rest.

Joy