Just adding that in the daily stresses of life these days, we don't have to put up with 'me first' people who don't seem to care how much they backstab and gossip about
us, whether relatives or not.
I can relate somewhat to what you're enduring, though not to the extent you've taken. It seems all of us have a relative or two (or more) who love to control, manipulate, and who can't seem to get beyond their childish impulses and the "I know better than you" stage, even as older adults (sad but true).
It really does help to put some space between ourselves and them. On the other hand, if they needed help, I would be there for them. Unfortunately, though, from past experience I know that even that wouldn't change things; they would go back to their silly controlling games. I developed some real burnout from that;
I just took it too long. I tried to reason with them, talked things out, brought up my concerns, pointed things out, etc., but they couldn't defend their actions since. they knew they were guilty.
So--they then decided to 'gang up' and badmouthed me to other relatives, so now, thanks to them, I'm disrespected by nearly all my siblings, nephews and nieces. And, of course, there's no way I will get that respect back.
I believe in being as Christian as possible, personally, without being a doormat. Being a doormat does me no good, and it's not good for those using me, either. So--I'm still keeping in touch, but loosely. I'm as nice as can be and very upbeat when I do contact or see them, since I know they struggle with issues and problems in the daily battle of life, just as I do, but at the same time, they seem to think they have a right to control me--which they most certainly do NOT. It's the 'nicey' smile-in-your-face-while-backstabbing-you-behind-your-back thing which annoys me the most. Not good for me (obviously); not good for them.
I'm keeping some distance, praying for them, and calling my own shots these days. I don't need the stress, and I don't need the disrespect and backstabbing. I've found much more peace this way, though I do feel a little cheated that I don't have close relatives I can really trust and who respect me.
Sherrine: Great point: Volunteering and/or helping others is a good way to compensate for the misunderstandings/control/disrespect, etc. of relatives and we know we are appreciated. There are so many good ways to do this, too. Someone on this forum recently suggested sending cards to the ill in their church family. Cool idea!
Hope this helps you a bit. Sorry you're going through all this.