Stacey,
I'm sorry you've got so much to deal with. A therapist is helpful because they're someone who doesn't know you personally, and can be more objective. I've only gone to one a couple of times, but I really wish I could afford it on a regular basis.
It's so true that the grass is always greener on the other side! - I'd be thrilled if my hubby wanted to dig deeper into my psyche. To him, if you talk about
something, you give it more power over you. To me, it's just the opposite - if you talk about
it out in the
open, and learn about
it, you can have more power over it. (How we ever got together, I don't know.) So his stock answer is, "I guess we'll just have to have it cut off."
I don't find this helpful, and I've told him so a hundred times, but deep down I realize he's trying to lighten my mood.
Anyway -
Maybe you are truly (clinically) depressed....I don't know....but I believe the physical pain and all the other unrelenting crap that comes with Fibro can also make you situationally depressed. My doctor told me years ago that he thinks that's the case with me. And he said the really small nighttime dose of Nortriptyline he put me on for sleep can't hurt with my mood, either...
There are so many physical things that I would love do if I could - I have to close my eyes and ears and heart to it to a large degree, or I would go crazy. So I do feel that I constantly fight to keep depression at bay...that and anger. A lot has been taken away from us - it's not easy to come to terms with this, especially in the beginning. You're doing the best you can in a tough situation. I hope something will help you turn a corner soon, whether its a change in your meds, or routine, or alternative therapies, or a combination of these....or just the passage of time.
Debbie