playtime is painful

Hi Sherry and welcome to HW. Im from the CP forum but happened to see your post. I just wanted to say that children dont tend to miss what they dont know is missing.

I blow my knee out at work with 4 kids between 11-7 and a 3 month old baby. I had to learn to rethink the entire mothering and caring scene. I had 3 surgeries in a 18 month period and that last failed.

I would literally sit in the floor and scoot with her in the infant seat up the hallway to get to the living room when the other kids were at school and couldn't help.

You may not be able to run and play or carry him but you can sit and hold him, touch him a lot, lay on the bed with him and hold him and play. As my children grew we learned many ways to spend good quality loving times. I couldn't do too much physical but we sure read together, played trivia games and made up silly things. They learned to make helping me fun.

My baby is 15 and all the others are grown and successful empathetic adults who chose helping others as careers all 4 of them. My 15 is headed towards wildlife rescue.

I did fine after rethinking, reshaping my ideas of what's really right or wrong in making me a good parent? There's no guidelines or maps no test but the test of time in knowing if you did it right.

Your son will know you love him because you cared enough to think you cant give him the world even though that's your wish.

You'll do fine and grow and prosper from all the love you have to offer him.

I agree with Vickie, you may just have to rethink your strategy a bit. People with all kinds of disabilities raise happy, content children. It may just require some adaptation/planning. If it is too difficult to follow your baby as he crawls, then you can put up a gate and just let him crawl around that room while you watch. Outside, perhaps you can cordon off a section while he plays around you.

I had multiple back surgeries (and lots of pain) when my daughter was younger. I was never really able to run after her and play very physically. But I would sit on the deck as she played on the swing and showed me her "gymnastics" routines. I would sit in the driveway and be the drive thru clerk as she rode around on her bike and placed "orders." We read a lot, played board games, played dolls, watched movies, etc.

My daughter is now a well adjusted college student who is kind and compassionate. We are very close, most likely from all of that time we spent just talking together, lol. She remembers her childhood as idyllic, probably because she had what she most needed from me, my attention. It didn't matter what we were doing, what mattered is that I loved her, did the best I could, and gave her my attention.

It won't matter what you can or cannot do. All that will matter in your son's life is that you love him and you are there for him. If being "there" for him means being "there" from the couch, then so be it. You both will be fine.

Great posts and encouraging thoughts!

They remind me of a story I once read about a woman with no arms who could even diaper her baby with her toes! There are probably other similar stories online.

Also reminded me of the episode on "Little House" where Mary was concerned about having a child because she was blind. Then, she helped a little girl who was also blind get out of a dust storm (don't recall the specific details, but you get the picture).

Where there's a will, there's a way. Best wishes and enjoy your little sweetie!

Hi, Sherry. Welcome. Have you seen our first thread, "Fibro 101"? It's a great resource for all kinds of information on Fibromyalgia. It's well worth your time (and I know that's hard to come by with a baby!)

I understand how you feel. When my 2nd was born, I was starting to get bad back pain and couldn't do as much with her. With my 3rd, I couldn't lift or carry her at all once she got to the toddling stage. It broke my heart. She had to crawl up onto my lap, and then I could hold her. At 34, I had a newborn, a 4-yr-old, and a 7-yr-old. I was in a LOT of pain.

We read lots of wonderful books...guess what she majored in? Writing! And she was kept pretty entertained by her older sister and brother, so that helped a lot.

It used to drive me crazy, seeing other women casually walking down the sidewalk with their kids hanging onto their hips. (I wanted to do that so badly - why had I been singled out? I had always exercised, I did everything right!!) I felt so sad, and bad for Annie, that I couldn't take her to the park and play with her physically as much as I had with the other two. And yet, she was my most contented child.

Losing the ability to interact with my kids in the way I wanted was a significant loss for me personally, and I had to acknowledge that and allow myself to grieve before I could start to move on. I have to admit there's still part of me, over 20 years later, that aches for the way I wanted it to be....

But I do know it affected me much more than my kids. And I agree with everyone that your son will know you love him, regardless of what you can or can't do. My daughter always says she had a wonderful childhood, and I know all my kids know (and have always known) how much I love them.

I hope you'll keep posting, because we are here to help. Good luck figuring it all out!

Debbie