Hi, all. I'm Aches

I'm a long time lurker but finally decided to make an account. Today is just a really bad day mentally and physically and I feel really alone.

For se background, I was dxd with Fibro a year ago to the week, at 27. Now I'm a year older and a year achier My fibro came on slowly after a period of high stress, living in a mold infested apartment, and moving + a new job. Since then things have moved from just my hands and upper back to all over. I consider myself on the milder/moderate end of things, generally. I've also got IBS and anxiety, and a chronic ulcer I've been battling for 8 months.My anxiety can get pretty severe and is (wait for it) almost exclusively health/catastrophe related.

My dx was a tough nut to swallow. I lost my job, which was retail, went through mourning (felt like my life was over before it even started), went on gabapentin, have been doing pretty well. After 6 months unemployed, I found a desk job that I do really well at, and working does a lot for my well being. I do not have a partner, but live with two roommates who are good friends on the opposite end of the country from my family. Generally, I consider myself doing pretty well. I will work as long as I can and I hope more than anything I can still meet someone and live a full life.

Lately I have been feeling worse, and I'm not sure if it is fibro taking over more, or just temporary because I have been working my bottom off at the office (accountant office during tax season!! )

What really hit me though is that I've just finished up a vacation with my parents- it's the first time I've seen them in a year, and we had a great time (they have been supportive and understanding when I told then in advance I was going to have to take things very easy. Spent a lot of time relaxing, napping, in the hot tub, and heated pool!).

Still, even taking it easy, the excitement and traveling and bad sleep away from my bed is taking its toll. And once they left, I missed them so much.. And then I thought about how different things were a year ago... And how I didn't want to be even worse a year from now..and gave myself a panic attack last night, which manifested as a flare today.

So now I'm on the east coast thousands of miles from home and alone in a hotel room, battling my body and my anxiety and just feeling very lost for the first time in a long time.

I'm trying to just get through today, minute my minute (got some room service so I wouldn't have to go out, have my heating pad with me..), but its hard not to worry about the future and how ill feel in a month or a year or a decade when i feel so bad right now, and just 14 months agi i felt normal. Today is just not a good day, and I just don't wanna be alone

Post Edited (Aches M.) : 5/12/2014 5:47:43 PM (GMT-6)

Hi Aches: Glad you're posting on the forum and welcome! So sorry you are dealing with so much. It seems when it rains, it pours, regarding all things fibro, so know that you're not alone here.

Fibro can be such a bummer, as you well know. I try to take it day by day, but I must admit, some days are easier than others.

Does the weather play a big part in your pain, do you think? We've had so much cool, rainy weather here in the Midwest, and it's sure been a battle at least for me, lately. I seem to be very attached to my heating pad lately, and still pile blankets on the bed every night.

Fatigue is nasty, too. I try to pace myself and alternate 'busy' more tiring jobs with sitting, but it can be tricky.

One thing that has helped me (when it's nice outside) is to get out in the sun. I love to garden, and it feels great on my stiff muscles.

I hope you have a listening, caring doctor who can help. Keep posting, too!  We hear you and can relate.

Hope tomorrow is a much better day for you. Best wishes!! Remember, you have a caring "bunch" here.

I'm sorry you are feeling so alone and miserable. We, here on this forum, know what you are going through and want you to know your life can get better. I know I'm better today than I was 6 years ago.

The most important thing that has helped me is figuring out how to get better sleep. I didn't want to take any drugs, but after trying all the natural remedies I started taking 5mg. ambien, 200 mg gabapentin and 5 mg.
Prozac. If I don't get some sleep, even if it isn't the most restful, I'm a wreck the following day.

I also have learned to pace myself, rest before doing anything and rest afterwards.

I also stay on a low fodmap diet to control ibs-d. What I eat determines my pain level, nauseousness and even my mood.

Gentle hugs to you.

Welcome aches! I am glad you found this forum. It has given me so much hope. I hope it can do the same for you. I try to stay into the moment and the day. If you start looking too far ahead it can cause anxiety in some cases. We tend to look at the what ifs! At least I know I do.

I hope we see you around the forum again. You can learn a wealth of info here.