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being a stay at home mom and trying to count spoons

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Posted Today 6:13 AM (GMT 0)
So I read the article on counting spoons and it seems like an awesome ideal until u put being a sahm with 4 little children and a husband. I feel defeated most days it just feels unrealistic when I try to do the two together. I don't know how to balance the two, give my family's everything that they need but also take it easy on myself. It's hard and by the end of this day im at about 90 spoons. Right now I'm very achy I can't ever sit to long or stand for much longer it doesn't help that mom is said about 500 times a day. I feel some days It impossible and I get so down in a deep slump and very depressed.

Post Edited (kyrodriguz) : 12/3/2014 11:18:55 PM (GMT-7)

Posted Today 6:53 AM (GMT 0)
This is exactly, exactly, exactly how I feel. We even had to move to another state and into the same subdivision as my parents to get help for our 16 month old on days that I just can't do it all. How old are your kids? Is your income such that you could get a little bit of a helper or a nanny? Even just a teenage girl after school? Does your church group have supports that could donate their time regularly for things? DO you think this is just a flare and needs temporary help or do you need a more permanent solution? Is your husband supportive and helpful?
Posted Today 7:45 AM (GMT 0)
My kids are 6, 4, 1 1/2, and 4 months.We can't afford for me to hire help and my husband thinks he has to break his back at work so I don't have to. At my last job my fog became a real issue I was in charge of doing the nightly deposit for a car dealerships I let the safe open twice, I could never focus or get my work done. My manager noticed so I quit. I don't really think that my husband really gets everything. I know he gets irritated because I can never get relief. Assembly wee speak I have been limping around all night and I didn't even push myself hard today. I'm in such pain today and my mind is absolutely scrambled.
Posted Today 7:53 AM (GMT 0)
Sorry post 2 of 1. My phone wouldn't let me write anymore on last post.

anyways like I was saying I've checked out for Tonight well at least my brain has I have walked out of my room 3 times already to do something and when I get by the kitchen for the life of me I can't remember. The only way I can even post right now is because I'm talking into my phone to text fore the one good thing is that my speech isn't bad right now :) I've noticed more and more lately I'm getting very tongue tied Or I can't remember how to pronounce the word. I feel like a child. I know these aren't
temporary symptoms I've felt this way for years I just think I've
Become used to the fact that this is my life now.its sad but I have been coming to terms lately that I may never have a normal job again or be able to do the things I so much once enjoyed in life. I can hardly play with my babies anymore. That's what kills the most.
Posted Today 5:39 PM (GMT 0)
Hi, Kyrodriquz, and welcome! When my children were that young, I hadn't developed fibro yet but I did have a horrendous case of Crohn's disease. With that you have abdominal pain, some arthritis, and a lot of diarrhea. I would have to use the bathroom about 25 times a day. That's really difficult with small children around but I had no choice. (My children were 4, 1 1/2, and an infant) All the diarrhea made me dehydrated and the loss of blood made me anemic and weak. I couldn't afford to hire help so I had to figure things out. (I was hit with fibro, too, nine years later. My kids were 13, 10 1/2, and 9 years old.)

We put up a swing set and a sand box and that helped. I could just sit and watch the kids. I could toss balls and they could chase after them, etc. and they would tire out! The yard was fenced, too, and that helped.

In the house, we bought a child's table with four chairs and I had that in the kitchen. It had coloring books and crayons, puzzles for the various ages, and also Playdough. When they got a little older, I added a paint box, too. They could entertain themselves this way. I also read to them and they enjoyed that, too.

We also bought toys that they could use and interact with one another. The various Fisher-Price villages had come out and and I think we had about five of them. LOL The kids loved them and could act out "life".

You don't have to be their primary source of entertainment. Just being there and loving them is what they really want. My children are all grown now but I had felt guilty for years because I couldn't do all I wanted to do with them when they were young. I couldn't even take them on a picnic because of my problem. I brought this up a couple of years ago, had tears in my eyes, and my kids were shocked! They said I was the best Mom of all of their friends! I was there when they needed me, I always had a nice family dinner for the family, etc. Even though I never talked to them about my health problems when they were young, they knew. Kids are smart.

Your two oldest can help some around the house too. We always gave our children chores because we felt a family works together. Your 4 year old can pick up toys and shoes, etc. and put them in the proper place and your six year old could dust. As the kids get older, they can help a little more. After all, you are helping them all of the time, too. A family that works together become quite close. It gives the kids a sense of responsibility, too, and it would help you!

Be sure to read Fibro 101..the first thread on the forum. There are links to good info about fibro and you will learn a lot there.

I'm looking forward to getting to know you better. Don't hesitate to ask questions because we are here to help you. Hope to hear more from you soon.

Sherrine
Posted 12/5/2014 3:30 AM (GMT 0)
I needed this link. I have been feeling this way, especially this week with 2 ER trips under my belt, a dr appt today saying I need surgery, and another dr appt tomorrow. I feel like a failure to my 16 month old girl and my hubby. This week has wiped me out. I don't know if I can say much more than to just keep on going, one day, one hour at a time even.
Posted 12/5/2014 3:53 AM (GMT 0)
Scifigal, you're not a failure. You are a loving wife and mother with health issues. Your love will shine through. You are there for your family...in a special way, a different way than healthy people. But your hubby and your baby can feel your love and see it all around you as you do whatever you can for them.

As I said in my other post, my adult children were shocked to hear that I felt so guilty about what a lousy Mom I thought I had been. We conjure all these things up in our minds. But the bottom line is...love.

Sherrine
Posted 12/5/2014 4:48 AM (GMT 0)
Today was another bad day I went to take my husband lunch and I put the two little ones in the truck to go get my son that's in preschool, well I got my son then realized that I didn't have my husband's lunch. So I went back home to find my front door wide open and my husband's lunch in the door way I can't even remember setting it down. it seems that I'm just taking time out of my day because I can't remember things so I have to go and retrack what I'm doing and something that should only take a half an hour it takes an hour or an hour and a half
Posted 12/5/2014 5:01 PM (GMT 0)
I always write down what I need to do and check it off when it is done. That would help in not forgetting your hubby's lunch. I'm also compulsive when it comes to leaving my house. I have a little ritual I do before I ever drive away. I check all doors to make sure they are locked, then I check the stove, oven, and toaster oven to make sure they are all off, also. (I worry about fire with my pets being home by themselves.) I do use my garage door opener when I leave so everything is locked up. But if you don't have a garage or opener, you need to check the front door before you drive away.

I know it's a pain in the patootie,but this way it becomes a habit and only takes a few seconds to accomplish. Then you wouldn't have a bad day!

You might get some laughs from this site. You will see you are not alone. Laughing it off is the best thing you can do. Worrying about it will make your memory worse...at least that's what happens to me.

http://webspace.webring.com/people/fc/cfsdays/follies.htm

Sherrine
Posted 12/5/2014 8:35 PM (GMT 0)
see that's the thing is that I have OCD anyways so I always have to go around the house and up and down the stairs more than 2 times just to make sure everything's locked every heaters off every door and window is shut that everything that I need.that's why it's becoming so irritating is because I know that I shut and lock every door Because I am over compulsive.I did do the checklist of having everything that I needed but the problem was is that I left the lunch on the porch in the doorway. I don't even remember setting it down.
Posted 12/8/2014 7:19 PM (GMT 0)
oh wow, tha's exactly how i feel too, I'm in the biggest slump ever right now. I just had a sleep study done last night. I have been waiting forever to see my primary and still 11 more days, i have so much anxiety building up it makes it even harder to sleep i cry every day, and feel bad for having all these negative thoughts

Post Edited By Moderator (Sherrine) : 12/9/2014 1:16:46 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 12/9/2014 5:23 AM (GMT 0)
I feel like that sometimes where they deserve so much better then me. I hate the fact that I can't pick them up or when my oldest comes running to me when I get him from school and he wants me to catch him and I always have to stop him and say mommie is hurting today. It wrecks me I know they don't need to worry about it. But I feel like oldest does
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