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Posted 4/10/2015 2:27 PM (GMT 0)
Easter nite my husband asked for a divorce after 8 years. I was in shock I did not see THIS coming. I knew he wasn't very supportive of me and my fibromyalgia diagnosis. But I did not expect much from him either.
Last week my pcp had set up MRIs for my TMJ along with MRI to check for MS (due to my migraines with aura and recent vision changes).
Now I am currently sleeping on my parents couch. Unable to work due to my symptoms, waiting to find out if I get accepted for disability.
My MRI reports came back 1- showing displacement of jaw which if cortisone injections don't help would lead to surgery 2- brain showed white areas that may be consistent of migraines but my understanding is it may still be MS so I may have further testing of my spine to determine??
How can this all happen!! Kicked out of my home and basically dumped by my soul mate the one I had trusted so deeply. The stress is unbearable. My fibro symptoms are worsening. How do I get through this. It doesn't even seem like it is really sank in yet. I need prayers. mad
Posted 4/10/2015 2:36 PM (GMT 0)
I am so sorry Tris, This must of really caught you off guard.

Try to focus and be mindful. Try not to think about what is going on around you at the moment. Just be... You can do this periodically to get away from the stress. Stress will make the fibromyalgia worse, not to mention the mental state.

I guess you need to accept that you can't change things especially with the wanted divorce by your husband. You may have already done that. I guess in my opinion if my husband dropped a bomb shell like that on me, I wouldn't want to be with him anymore anyway. But that doesn't take away from the situation he put you in. Take it one day at a time. It is pretty much his call.

Can you get some body to help you get your stuff? Will your parents let you stay there for a bit?

I hope you can find yourself a nice place to live. I take it he wants the house? Or do you get some of that? I am only assuming because you left and went to your parents, though you may have done that just to get away from him.

This is really sad. I am sorry it happened. Try to keep the mind occupied on good things at this time. I hope that things get better for you. Again, I am sorry...

Focus on you right now and keeping your symptoms from flaring...

Know we are here for you.

Hugs, Karen.,,..

PS welcome to the forum. I don't think I have met you yet...
Posted 4/10/2015 2:45 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you Karen. I am trying to stay strong. But it is a struggle
Posted 4/10/2015 3:12 PM (GMT 0)
Karen's advice is sound. You have to compartmentalize problems right now. Hubbie in one place, and doctors in another. Take time to breathe, no computer, no tv/radio., etc. If you start to get anxious, stop doing something and take a time out. In order to get through the bad stuff, you have to take care of you and avoid pushing the panic/stress button which will result in more pain. it's a downward spiral.

I am so sorry to hear of this problem with your partner. I would be angry, too. Our health is important to us and is also really hard on our SOs. Some can understand and some cannot.

Has your husband articulated the reason why? Fear of the medical condition? Not wanting to help you through the medical condition? Money? Or something else?

Be well, friend.
Posted 4/10/2015 4:15 PM (GMT 0)
Tris,

Wow. Your head must be spinning in ten directions at once. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I can't believe your husband kicked you out of your home. If he wants out, he should GET out, it seems to me....but of course, I don't know your situation.

I'm not good at it, but I really do believe in mindfulness to help keep you steady and calm, and I hope you can manage it in this tough time.

A good friend of mine is going through neurological testing, too. She has had an MRI of her brain and also a spinal tap. They found enough white matter to say it she's borderline, and it MAY be MS, but they're not calling it that at this time. Now she's waiting for another MRI to see if the white matter has increased.

We have your back here, so vent anytime. That's what we're here for.

Gentle hugs,

Debbie
Posted 4/10/2015 5:22 PM (GMT 0)
Tris, you have been given excellent advice. I know I wouldn't have left the house. If he doesn't want to be married, he should have been the one to leave. I can't believe he let you leave the house with your health problems instead of him camping out elsewhere.

I know this hurts but try not to feel like a victim. After all, would you want to be with a man that would do something like this? Since you were so shocked I'm assuming you two never even went for counseling. He's not to be trusted. He actually may have done you a favor.

You most likely will go through a period of grief but you will be fine. As everyone has said take one day at a time. You can handle that.

There are many prayers heading your way. You are a strong person and you will come out on top.

Sherrine
Posted 4/10/2015 6:11 PM (GMT 0)
I am so sorry. Would your husband agree to counseling? I hope so.

Sending prayers and wishing you the best. You have much support here. God bless.
Posted 4/10/2015 6:45 PM (GMT 0)
I cosign with Sherrine -- he did you a favor! Just a really poorly timed favor. |-:

Hang it there, compartmentalize, find a way toget out of your head (light exercise and hanging with good supportive friends and family around the clock if you can!). Go to movies, do what you can do stop thinking because it's not a good time to think.

You'll get through this, all of it. Just breathe and take one step at a time. And get some good anxiety meds -- this is the perfect time for it!
Posted 4/10/2015 6:48 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Tris:

I am so sorry to read of all your problems. If you can afford a Lawyer to help with the Divorce and to settle the financial situation do seek help. You are entitled to a share.

I do hope you get some definite results from your tests. I have had 2 head MRIs. They both see foci in white matter. It was thought to be those that occur in patients with migraines. They were not the same as those found in patients with MS. I had 2 migraines years ago but was on the pill at the time. I had aura with both. I now have chronic daily headaches but they are more of a cervicogenic headache. I hate the head pain.

I do hope your Parents are supportive. You sure need some TLC right now. I, too, will pray for you.

Loring

Osteoarthritis in Multiple Joints, Fibromyalgia, Neuralgia, Chronic Daily Headaches, I.B., Hard of Hearing...
Posted 4/10/2015 6:52 PM (GMT 0)
I'd say good riddence to him. You don't need that kind of stress in your life.

I would speak to a good lawyer and see what financial standing you have in the marriage. Meanwhile, focus on getting yourself better. I know mom's and dad's couch isn't ideal, but it's free right now.

It's rough when you get blindsided by bad news. Try to take it one day at a time or moment by moment if needed.

Wishing you the best.
Posted 4/10/2015 7:04 PM (GMT 0)
This is a lot to handle for you. This is a great forum though.

At times our illness can seem like a full time job by itself .

Have to really agree with sherrine .

Anyway, all of it is a lot to process, so just give yourself time to slowly adjust and with gods help you will get through it. Prayer has certainly got most of us through some really tough times..
Posted 4/11/2015 4:16 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you for the extra support everyone.
To answer some of the questions--
I at first denied his request but
He refused any therapy or counseling. Reasonings were all over the place and pretty much out of my control. Basically he would prefer going to the bar over any family functions. He felt that since he had a job he wanted the house. I probably could have stayed there longer but I would not be able to handle him tearing me down.
Being close to family is a blessing. But can't be permanent.
I did contact an attorney and begin the process as when I asked his expectations.... He basically feels he deserves everything!
Tiny steps ....
Posted 4/11/2015 4:20 AM (GMT 0)
I am so sorry to hear about your husband wanting out of the marriage. I think I would have to ask him about the vows that were said at the time of the wedding. For better or worse. Seems nobody wants to go through trials these days. They just want to wash away the problems and it doesn't matter who gets hurt.

I know chronic sickness is very hard on the marriage. It took years for my husband to accept my condition. It plays also on initimacy issues having chronic illness too. I have had to really work on this part in my marriage.

Try to stay focus on yourself. I pray that he would change his mind and realize he made a mistake.
Posted 4/11/2015 12:47 PM (GMT 0)
ak angel: That was beautifully put! I pray he changes his mind, too.

One resource that came to my mind is Retrouvaille (retrouvaille.org). I believe the word means 'rediscover.' It's designed specifically for those in troubled marriages.

It has Catholic origins, but says on its website that anyone of any (or no) faith is encouraged to attend. I heard about it on a radio program and it sounds like it's been successful for many couples who had thought there was no hope for their marriages.
Posted 4/11/2015 2:40 PM (GMT 0)
He sounds pretty immature , and without compassion. Here you are i. The midst of testing and not really knowing what is going on with your health, but its still all about him..ugh

Someone with maturity would have at least tried to help you through this time, even if they wished to leave..

Glad you got an attorney..

Yes just tiny steps
Posted 4/11/2015 3:52 PM (GMT 0)
Yes, I think he DID do you a favor! If he verbally abuses you and drinks on top of that, I think you are better off without a person like that in your life.

Normally I would encourage people to try to work things out but I know what alcohol does to a marriage and a family. It affects everyone. My brother was an alcoholic and was married four times. (I'm not saying your husband is an alcoholic but if he prefers a bar over family relationships, that speaks volumes to me.) It also spoke volumes when your husband wouldn't even consider counseling. You know, you can't change a person. They have to want to change and he apparently doesn't want to budge.

Marriage is a partnership, whether he likes it or not. Half should be yours...and that means half the price of the house. There is alimony, too. He probably doesn't make enough money to pay someone to do all that you have been doing for him for eight years. He would need a maid, a shopping service, a chef, a laundry service, etc. He made this choice and wants to leave you high and dry. This is another reason I say he did you a favor. Your attorney will advise you, I'm sure.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. You have your whole life ahead of you and someone very special could arrive...someone who would be a helpmate. Just take one day at a time. It sounds like the shock is wearing off and you are functioning again. I am praying that nothing but good comes out of this situation for you.

I also hope you get some firm answers with your new testing. Once you know what you are dealing with you can face it head on and make good decisions to help you feel better. Do let us know what you find out because we do care about you.

Sherrine
Posted 4/12/2015 7:48 AM (GMT 0)
Tris,

I am so sorry to hear what happened. You have already had great advice from everyone here. I have some rules for when I go through things like this. It sounds odd, but I wrote them down because I sometimes have to retread them to remind myself.

1. Compartmentalize. When you are at the doctor, he doesn't exist and when your are dealing with lawyers, your medical concerns can wait. It's hard to think when you are under stress, so do your best to keep things separated. If you aren't working on one or the other, lose yourself for a while in a book or a movie that you find interesting and non-stressful. Listen to podcasts that you know will make you happy.

2. My major rule for stressful times is that nothing good was ever thought of between the hours of midnight and 6 am.. I am an insomniac. If I am up at this hour (like right now) I tend to obsess about whatever was bugging me. I have to log one the forums, read a book - whatever will distract me. But I am not allowed to think about anything important.

I don't know that I would say he did you a favor, but it does not sound like he has loves anyone as much as himself. I know it is hard after 8 years. Even if it wasn't what you wanted in the long run, it can be hard. I hope you have a good lawyer and take care of yourself. Find one indulgence, no matter how small and give it to yourself. You are worth it and sometimes even the littlest things can be a spirit lifter.

Let us know how things go.
Posted 4/12/2015 4:59 PM (GMT 0)
I am so sorry. You need to COLLECT YOURSELF for YOUR HEALTH. KEEP CALM, easier said than done I KNOW.
Posted 4/12/2015 9:00 PM (GMT 0)
What he feels he deserves and what he actually deserves/ gets are two different things. Stand your ground and get what you deserve. Good on you for contacting a lawyer, don't let him (the soon to be ex) walk all over you. What a jerk. I'm with others and say he did you a favor, in a really poor way.

I hope your family/parents are supportive and will continue to be as you go through this. As others said it's time to just be. You have a lot of stress on you right now, and it's going to take some rest and just allowing it all to happen to get through it without making all of your health issues worse.

We are all here for you as best we can be. Know you are not alone.
Posted 4/14/2015 6:18 PM (GMT 0)
I will be praying about this for you. The hurt you must feel! Keep trying to stay positive. Having family surely is a blessing, and I hope yours will endure this with you. I will likely be going through the same testing you are, and it can't be easy without support. Family support is nice, but your person, your partner is supposed to be there for you always. I'm just so sorry.
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