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Would you feel guilty spending time away from spouse?

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Posted 4/19/2015 6:17 AM (GMT 0)
If you needed to be away from harsh winter conditions and spend time in a sunnier climate in order to manage your pain, would you do it if your spouse couldn't go with you?

This is what we're contemplating. Actually, it's been decided but I still feel badly about it.

Starting next winter I will spend a couple of weeks in California on my own. I will get a whole month there, but hubby can only come for 2 weeks of that due to his work.

I feel guilty. It's stupid. My hubby is totally fine with this idea. He is not upset at all. I need it because we live in Canada and winter is very hard on me. The cold and changing temps make me flare up and get migraines So I need to manage that. Ugh the guilt though! Have you ever been through this? Would you do it?

Part of the guilt is that I'll be in a beautiful place enjoying the weather and my hubby will be stuck in -30C here in Canada.

Do any of you have to be creative or go to extremes to manage your pain?
Posted 4/19/2015 10:31 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Booklvr,

I can understand your feelings but realize you're making your husband happy by taking care of you. Plus how nice it will be for him to have that two week vacation with you.

It's best that we try not to keep too much within the confines of our box of limitations. You never know what you may discover. As a friend once told me, we have to be proactive in our quest for answers--to see what might help us in the long run.
Posted 4/19/2015 3:06 PM (GMT 0)
Its always worth a try...

We do what we need to do and no , as long as he s on board you should not feel guilty.

I am sure he wants you to feel better as much as you can.
Posted 4/19/2015 7:18 PM (GMT 0)
I think it is okay because in the long run, your relationship will be happier and healthier because you will be healthier. It benefits him more to have you healthy and away for a bit than to be together but you in pain. If it were the reverse, what would you want him to do?

I moved to another state with our infant daughter four months before my husband found a job here and could move up. But it allowed me to have better doctors immediately than waiting around down there. I also felt guilty for making him move and for being apart for so long and him missing out on our daughter's "firsts" (steps, word, etc.) but he would rather have it be that way than me stuck in the hospital but in the same state as him.

We used Skype a lot, and that helped.
Posted 4/19/2015 8:33 PM (GMT 0)
I think it's a fine idea! You have nothing to feel guilty about. And nice that your hubby feels that way, too.

Debbie
Posted 4/19/2015 9:32 PM (GMT 0)
As long as you have a strong health marriage I would think it would be fine. I live in Alaska so I do know how you feel about the weather. Having lots of sunshine really helps. I just feel so good when I get back from Hawaii or Florida. Just because Alaska has long daylight in the summer doesn't mean we have lots of full sunshine days. We have lots of fronts too.
Posted 4/19/2015 10:41 PM (GMT 0)
If my hubby was on board and we could afford it, I'd do it in a heartbeat. That said, I agree with all that others have said about having a strong and healthy communication and relationship in general. It sounds like your hubby is very supportive which is a huge thing that many don't have. Do you have family in CA that you'll be staying with, or will you be there on your own?

I'd say you have nothing to feel guilty about. I can understand why you would, though. It's hard to be away from a spouse and harder still when you know you've left them at home working, and you already feel guilty for not being able to provide in the same ways they do, etc (all the usual guilt) then extra guilt because you are in a nice warm, sunny place and he's still back home in the cold and snow working.
Posted 4/20/2015 2:25 PM (GMT 0)
I also live in Canada - the ups & downs of winter are brutal. We have an early spring out west here and it is wonderful (body wise!).

In February I went down for a week to see my folks in Arizona...ahhhh.....wish I had gone longer. My body was happy for the most part. I did get some tingling from the sun in my limbs which was weird but the pain eased up.

My hubby & I are already talking about becoming snowbirds for part of the year - say January into February to start with.....in a few years, when the kids are older/adult.

Don't feel guilty about getting a break...esp. if hubby is on your side. I am sure he sees you and how things are...my hubby is definitely on board. Someone so close to you sees what your going through. Ok, so I still think they can't truly understand it all but they have some understanding. Seize the opportunity, try it and see how it goes.
Posted 4/20/2015 6:15 PM (GMT 0)
I agree with the others. You are SO fortunate to be able to escape the cold winters. I would be so excited! It's great your husband is on your side. I say 'go for it."

My doctor has been telling me for years that I need a warm climate. My husband and I would love that, if it would work out financially.

Hope it works out great for you!

Hey--if you pass through my way, can I hitch a ride? tongue turn smilewinkgrin wink

Good luck!
Posted 4/21/2015 2:28 PM (GMT 0)
Do it and don't feel guilty. He is on board with it, you have the opportunity, go for it!!! It may make everything so much better for you. Just a break from the winter. I am in Michigan and would go south for winter if I could...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 4/21/2015 11:54 PM (GMT 0)
I have a suggestion: Go by yourself for the first two weeks. That way, you will be rested and feeling so much better by the time dear husband gets there. He will LOVE seeing you doing better, and you will have a good time together.
Don't let unwarranted guilt deprive you of a wonderful blessing.
HEART
Posted 4/22/2015 4:18 AM (GMT 0)
You guys are so great! What amazing support! I did book the time today. I found a lovely condo in California and even have a view of the ocean.

The area is very walkable so I can go out every day. I'm planning to walk every day and hopefully do a bit longer each time... I'll pace myself.

I am fortunate to have a very supportive husband. As for finances we really shouldn't be doing this. BUT I decided not to think about the money. After so much pain this past winter, how can I NOT do it? We don't have kids so it's easier to shuffle finances around. We'll make it work in the long run.

Thank you all for the input and support. You are the best!
Posted 4/26/2015 6:13 PM (GMT 0)
This would be my dream!!

I understand why you feel guilty. I think it is only natural. BUT your husband supports you and wants to see you feeling better and not in so much pain.

I also think, since it is only two weeks, it may be good for you both. You will both get a chance to miss each other...😀

Enjoy, life is too short for guilt, especially when u have the support from your husband!!
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