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My mom has fibro, and I am having a hard time dealing with it.

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Posted 5/26/2015 1:34 AM (GMT 0)
Hi,

I am Sevie,I am a 14 year old boy, and my mom has fibro. Some days she will be fine and go out to the store, movies, ect, but some days it is awful. When it gets bad it is usually around night, she gets angry because she hurts and it makes me feel awful. I am an extremely worrier and I check on my mom every hour or two (big mamas boy). She yells and I know she doesn't try, but makes me feel upset and angry. I just cant handle this anymore! I am 14, I am a teenager and have my OWN problems now, I am gay which has a whole mountain of challenges on top (I came out to my parents already), and school.

Now, I am tying this because she just fell asleep after an intense argument, I am thankful that my parents still live together, I know this sounds selfish but I wish they would separate. My mother feels fine at the beach cause of the salt in the air or something, but you know, the beach isn't cheap. She really wants a condo there, but I want to stay here (in Louisiana) so I can go to this fantastic private school and get a great education. I know this sounds selfish, but I have given her so much and I feel like now I need to ventilate. Sometimes I have fits of rage at home and just go cry in my room, my friends know about it, but don't understand it. I really feel alone, I want this to be over but I know it wont be as long as I am in school. I just feel alone ,sad, and desperate for someone to help.

Thank you for reading,

Sevie.

Post Edited (Sevie_Breaux) : 5/29/2015 6:35:57 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 5/26/2015 2:02 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Sevie,

I am so sorry to hear what you're going through. Fibro pain, medications she may be taking for fibro, as well as other illness fibro can bring on can cause mood swings. None of this is your fault and it's understandable how you feel. It can be important for people with fibro to see a therapist and it might help your mom. I would try talking to your father about this and asking him to suggest it if you can as it may be a sensitive topic. Try talking to her about how you feel when she's having a good day and let her know how badly you want to go to school where you're at. The sea air does help with fibro, but it will not cure your mom. She'll still have problems no matter where she lives and I hope she comes to realize that. There is no cure for fibro, but there are many treatments and medications that help. If your mom finds one that works for her it could help a lot and her mood so don't lose hope!

Having fibro is hard, I sometimes snap at my own family members without wanting too but I still love them very much and I never mean for it to happen. I hope things calm down for you soon you don't deserve to have so much to deal with. You can always come here if you need people to talk to who understand fibro.
Posted 5/26/2015 2:18 AM (GMT 0)
Hi, Sevie.

Yeah, it sounds like you have your hands full, for a teenager!

Another thing to keep in mind is that in addition to mood swings (due to fluctuating pain levels) Fibro can also affect our memories. Sometimes I'll forget what I'm saying in the middle of a sentence...complete train of thought....gone. That's a little scary! (But it always comes back eventually.) Sometimes I'll forget whole conversations I've had with my kids ;( Grown kids, but still my kids.

As TiredArtist said, you can come here and vent any time at all. Hang in there!

Debbie
Posted 5/26/2015 2:32 AM (GMT 0)
Sevie,
Hello... So sorry you are going through this. Is your mother seeking treatment for her pain? How long has she had fibro? Maybe she hasn't found effective coping methods yet. It really is a very tough condition to learn to deal with.

Perhaps you could tell her you were on the internet looking for ways to help her and you found us. Maybe you could convince her to read over fibro 101 the very first thread. It's possible she may find help there and then join and get suggestions from other members on how to cope better. Perhaps she needs to vent as well to someone whom understands what she's going through.

Do hang in there sir. It can and will get better. Are you doing OK with the coming out situation? Do you have someone to talk to about this? That was a very tough but brave thing for you to have done. I hope you feel relieved that you got that out in the open. That will get easier as time goes on as well. I pray that no one is giving you a hard time over this and hope that you have someone to talk to when you need to without making you feel bad.

Please feel free to come here and vent whenever you need. We all understand. We know how your mom feels but we also know how you feel not knowing how to cope with any of it. You are not alone. Take care and please let us know how everything is going.

Take care buddy
Michael.
Posted 5/26/2015 2:50 AM (GMT 0)
Michael,

I appreciate your reply, she was diagnosed in April of 2002, so she has gotten better at coping, but you know there is only so much a human can handle at once. I talk to my father about it and well, I cant change the disease, but I pray one day there will be something that can possibly cure it. Things that bother me is that sometimes people treat me like I am a spoiled brat, just because my father is an OBGYN. They think I have a perfect life, but in reality I probably have it worse than them! Anyways, my mother is probably sleeping right now which is the only time I feel better, but thanks for support, glad to know people understand! Oh yea, the coming out was a piece of cake compared to fybro, they love me no matter what and I am happy with myself, which is good.

Post Edited (Sevie_Breaux) : 5/25/2015 8:54:01 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 5/26/2015 9:11 PM (GMT 0)
There are therapist for you as well as your mom. It will give you a private person to vent to that may also learn more about you that can help them help you to cope better. I know you don't need a therapist, but it may help to have someone to guide you through everything in life. As for the spoiled kid thing, my nephew is the son of a dentist and at the ripe old age of sixteen was expected to accomplish more than anyone else in his age group. So it can be very hard to be the child of a professional. I wish you the best and hope you have received some helpful advice.
Posted 5/27/2015 1:04 AM (GMT 0)
Hello
There is a lot of great feedback here.
I spent time in terrible mood swings from pain, still do. I often got angry but it was never at my, the age 12 daughter. It sounded like it though. Luckily within about a year I realized what I was doing and started to announce; I am in a lot of pain today so I may not be very nice. I'd I am grumpy or rude please know it's not about you. I still do this 15 years later. I also reinforce it if needed by reminding my family and friends that I am not doing well and if we cant do x y z today let's do it tomorrow.
Of course, yhis is a two way street. They get to remind me of their feelings
Hope you can find a way to work with her and respect that she can take responsibility but can't change her pain syndrome. My daughter and I went through a rough time but we were BF then and still are today.
Posted 5/27/2015 11:02 AM (GMT 0)
I'm writing this with tears in my eyes, because of my fibro pain and some weird things that happen with me I too have snapped and yelled at my 6 year old daughter. I feel so terrible when I do it, but I am a single mom and just feel so overwhelmed some days with feeling awful. A 6 year doesn't understand fibro and I should not lose my temper with her. I am only human but a hard thing to admit doing. I love her with all my heart as I'm sure your mom feels the same exact way. I am proud of you for reaching out to us, we understand exactly how your mom feels and acts because it is a very difficult illness. Just know she is in pain but loves you, write her a letter if that is easier for you telling her how you feel. I'm sure if she knew she would try to pay closer attention to the way she makes you feel. As a mom, I thank you for making me more aware of how my little girl might be feeling when I do this.
Posted 5/27/2015 9:27 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Sevie,

First of all I admire you for caring about your mother so much. Yes, it must be very difficult for you but you'll look back on this someday and pat yourself on the back for how much you care about her.

With your mom it can be the little things that count. Asking her if she needs anything, giving her a listening ear.

Keep up the good work but try to put yourself first.
Posted 5/28/2015 3:09 PM (GMT 0)
Sevie, you are such an awesome young man!! :D

If it makes you feel any better, while I don't have children I do have fur babies and sometimes snap at them. And my husband. Sometimes we get really overwhelmed when there is too much stimulation (noises, too many people talking at once, etc). When your mom is cross with you, is it possible that there's too much going on? I just was upset last night because my dog was trying to get into my lap, there was a bunch of street noise, the TV was on and my husband was asking me a question. It was simply TOO MUCH. I also get irritated if I'm reading and someone constantly interrupts me.

I have learned that sometimes I need to take a timeout and sit by myself for ten minutes and I am fine again. When your mom snaps next time, notice what is happening. She might just be able to handle two things at once, but not three or more. If you notice that she is mentally multitasking, maybe wait a little bit before you approach/talk to her. And I also concur that talking to your dad to get her some fibro-friendly counseling is a good one as well as having her join us here. We learn so much about research, managing symptoms and supporting each other through tough times.

Ps. Congrats at coming out! :) :)

Are you an only child?
Posted 5/29/2015 12:57 AM (GMT 0)
Anna,

Thank you for your kind words! I am not an only child, I have a 25 year old brother, 22 year old sister and now there is just me at the house. My parents never got divorced (Married 26 years), so I'm glad I don't have to deal with that too!
Posted 6/11/2015 8:48 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Sevie,

I know you posted this a while ago, but I was so moved by what you wrote I had to reply! I am so impressed that you were able to reach out to a forum like this and articulate what you are going through! I feel for you so much, my own mom had severe depression that I dealt with growing up and it was really hard. I know how it feels to have to be the adult and try to take care of a parent, when it's supposed to be the other way around. Now I'm a Mom with Fibro and lots of other health issues, and I try really hard not to make my children suffer because of it. As others posted, between the pain, fatigue and my meds, I do end up very irritable at times, and I do occasionally get snappy with them, as hard as I try not to.

That is wonderful that you are so caring about your Mom, but you do need to be a little selfish, and put yourself first. Of course be there for her, but you aren't the adult, your Dad and older brothers and sisters should be the ones to step in and take this on. Would family counseling be an option? I think this could really help all of you! If not, I strongly recommend you try to go to counseling yourself so your anxiety doesn't get out of hand. You are a wonderful, brave young man! Please take care of yourself and you are going to be okay!

Louise
Posted 6/11/2015 9:22 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Sevie,

It's nice to see this thread restarted. When I thought about your situation some more, it brought back taking care of my kids and having fibromyalgia.

What could really help is cooking occasionally for her and your family. I recall how difficult that was for me. When you don't feel well, you don't feel much like eating.

I hope you're doing well.

Post Edited (almost medfree) : 6/12/2015 4:43:00 AM (GMT-6)

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