Grieving Process

I've recently realized that this past year I've been going through a grieving process over being sick. And over the loss of my life as I once knew it and the person I used to be. I literally have gone through all of the stages, the denial, then I was very angry for a long time, and then the depression, and now (sort of) moving towards acceptance. Although it's still a process, and I still struggle with depression. I'm sure I'm not alone in this. Just wondering if any other f you have noticed that you went through a grieving process, and what if anything h oped you through it.

Post Edited (MsLouise) : 6/6/2015 8:00:13 PM (GMT-6)

Yes. It's totally normal. It's hard to make peace with the new normal. It takes longer for some to get back to life again. The 'what if?' question is sheer magical thinking--and thinking about it what was is as beneficial as banging your head against a wall. I don't have the energy to deal with that. 'What is' is a good place to be, IMO.

Yep, I'm still dealing too...after having Fibro more than half of my 60 years. I seem to have more anger than anything else these days, which I'm not enjoying. But it is what it is and I'm no good at pretending otherwise.

It doesn't help that no one around me remembers me "before." Hubby does, in theory, but those old memories seem to be getting mighty dim. Our kids were too young, my parents are gone, and my brother, who would be great to reminisce with, doesn't like looking back - ever - because he's also chronically ill and it makes him too sad :( I have no other family, to speak of, and none of my really old friendships have made it intact through the decades, for one reason or another.

Debbie

I agree with the greiving process. I was diagnosed just a short time ago and I am angry about it and having trouble accepting it. I know that I have to make changes but I'm fighting them..and paying the price for it. I think we all go through the proceess, sometimes I just jump steps and have to go back for a makeup exam.

Kelvin

Calling it "a grieving process" is pretty on-target, I think. Looking back, I used to be a very different, much more active person.

What helps me is to measure in my mind how I have to scale back now. True, I can't do much running (if any) any more, and I feel like a race horse in a snail's body. My body WANTS to keep moving, going faster, doing things quicker, etc., but I know in my mind I have to pace myself or I'll pay for it later.

If I can't run, what can I do? I can still walk a fairly good pace on my better days, and on the not-so-good days, I still try to walk as much as I can without overdoing.

We've probably all had to give up certain hobbies, activities, etc., but they can be switched with new hobbies or interests we haven't yet tried.

I try to make things a trade-off, and it keeps me optimistic. However, yes, I certainly do miss the old days of running around bases in soft ball games, playing basketball or volley ball, etc.. I was never athletic, but I did enjoy the action! I sometimes now take that 'action' and gear it into writing. It doesn't do my body much good, but my old mind is still here (I think--LOL!).

Our next dog, for example, will be an inside dog. I just get too much fatigue chasing after an outside dog when they need specific attention (yes, we do give them much attention, but I mean when they start chewing on no-no objects or such).
As I get older and a little less mobile, I can still have a dog, but will play with it in the house--not outside. I used to go on long walks with my dogs, but have to resign myself to the fact those days are gone. An inside dog is a good trade-off, though.

As I age, I'm working more on trying to keep my mind active. I have a notebook, for example, where I write down any new words I come across while reading. Because I enjoy some old-fashioned books, I've found some pretty cool words! This is just one small battle against fibro fog.

And I realize there are people who are much worse off than I am. My church prayer chain reminds me of that constantly. I really can't complain, and on difficult days, those prayer requests give me a real wake-up call.

When I was 17 and diagnosed with Crohn's and a pancreatic tumor, I grieved the idea of who I thought I would be when I "grew up." It was hard.

When I was diagnosed with FM last year, I had to grieve the loss of the capable woman I thought I would be for a lot longer because my Crohn's was under control. The FM took all that away and I have since had to learn to ask for help when I need it and get used to considering myself disabled. It's still hard!!

You are not alone. Chronic illness can take everything you think you know and turn it upside down. Now you have to learn to live life upside down, and leave behind all your "right side up" ideas and ways.

I hope you feel better now.

It is so interesting how we all go through this! Acceptance is really hard. Kelvin, I used to be pretty much a clean freak, and now I look around at what a mess my house is and I think, who am I? This has been one of the hardest things to accept, but I have to just walk by the mess and let it go! I used to be very organized, but now my desk at work its a total mess with piles of paperwork everywhere and I can never find anything. These are little things, but it really hits home how things have changed!

At least we're not alone!