Are you an empath? I definitely am.

Hi Everyone,

Several months ago I posted a thread about the highly sensitive individual. I am that and now I find there is another name for it. Empath. Interesting. Here is a link to a quiz to determine if you are an empath.

http://www.empathtest.com


What was interesting about looking up what an empath is was finding the following on a website from a Dr. Judith Orloff on how we "empaths" can helps ourselves. It makes a lot of sense. I would be interested to know how many of you are empaths?


Emotional Action Step. How To Find Balance. Practice these strategies to center yourself.

Allow quiet time to emotionally decompress. Get in the habit of taking calming mini-breaks throughout the day. Breathe in some fresh air. Stretch. Take a short walk around the office. These interludes will reduce the excessive stimulation of going non-stop.

Practice guerilla meditation. To counter emotional overload, act fast and meditate for a few minutes. This centers your energy so you don’t take it on from others.

Define and honor your empathic needs. Safeguard your sensitivities. Here’s how.
If someone asks too much of you, politely tell them “no.” It’s not necessary to explain why. As the saying goes,

"No is a complete sentence.”
If your comfort level is three hours max for socializing--even if you adore the people--take your own car or have an alternate transportation plan so you’re not stranded.

If crowds are overwhelming, eat a high-protein meal beforehand (this grounds you) and sit in the far corner of, say, a theatre or party, not dead center.

If you feel nuked by perfume, nicely request that your friends refrain from wearing it around you. If you can’t avoid it, stand near a window or take frequent breaks to catch a breath of fresh air outdoors.

If you overeat to numb negative emotions, practice the guerilla meditation mentioned above, before you’re lured to the refrigerator, a potential vortex of temptation. As an emergency measure, keep a cushion by the fridge so you can be poised to meditate instead of binge.

Carve out private space at home. Then you won’t be stricken by the feeling of too much togetherness. (Chapter 8 discusses nontraditional living settings compatible with an empath’s comfort zone.)

Interesting. I scored very high on the quiz, so now I have a name for it: "out of control healer." Something I have been trying to do is acknowledge others' pain without feeling the pain. When I see something terrible on the news, I acknowledge that it is terrible, but I don't let myself feel it. I can even show concern for others without allowing it to drain me emotionally. I save my empathy for those nearest and dearest. Otherwise my stress level goes up and I suffer for it. This might be common sense to most people but it is a new discovery for me. I need all the emotional energy I can muster to get better.

I could not follow the link, but yes.. I know this about myself..i feel others peoples pain..

Thanks for your replies, LJM and woin.

I tried the link again and it works for me. I know what you mean, LJM, about feeling other's pain. What I try to do is say a quick prayer and hand it over to God.

I like that, woin, "not my circus, not my monkeys." I never heard that phrase before.

Almost,
I don't really have a full and complete answer about building those walls. I'm not so sure my walls are particular good either!

I used to love people. I enjoyed getting to know people, whatever their culture, upbringing, etc. it felt right to be kind and understanding, empathetic. (I even worked in social work, using that empathy to work with families and troubled kids. Loved it for the most part! ). The problem with this outlook without strong wisdom and knowing when to pull away is that you can get taken advantage of and walked all over, even abused.

I think after a rash (and wake up at they were indeed abuses) of these abuses, I decided no more. I'll talk back to people and even yell at them when I feel slighted, taken advantage of, etc. The key there is "feel". Due to my ptsd, there are times when people are just having a bad day and they really aren't trying to hurt you. While it might be right to be angry, the best course of action would be to hang up, walk away, ignore,metc., rather than add fuel to the fire. My boundaries are A muddle. I tend not to trust people much anymore.

While in many ways my reactions that push people away may be understandable, it does not cultivate happiness and contentment.

Compound that with the desperation of needs that fibro generates, I have less energy to dedicate to others.

On the other hand I feel a deeper empathy for those with health problems, and those in poverty. On the third hand, I have less empathy than ever before for those who have lots of money, the nice house, etc., and I'm expected to put up with their moaning about the $600 they have to spend on their car repairs. That's what I have to live on for gods sake! Empathy does need to be contextual.

I guess I built a fortress! Maybe it's time to thin the walls!

T

No, I don't.

I would never want to relive the abuses, ones that my therapist said my ex should be jailed for. I've never truly been able to stand up for myself. It makes so much sense that fibro may be an extension of at fight , flight, or freeze system being stuck. I used to be in freeze mode, then flight, now I'm in fight, lol. Maybe I'll find the off button eventually!

Maybe I'll change my mind about that some day.

Yes, that's true. Money can't buy happiness!

Do you have issues with wanting people to believe you? I was married to a narcissist, involved in the religious community. He has them so snowed! People just didn't believe me what I went through. (But his own mother does!). Now with fibro being that hidden illness, I feel that same desperation about wanting to be believed. Not a fun little trigger.

I'm having a high anxiety day, so maybe I'll go get some exercise.

T

Mental walls can be built of whatever makes you feel safe: some imagine being in a building, others like to build it, brick by brick or stone by stone...

Instead of walls you can visualize a constant waterfall of light surrounding yourself plus whoever/ whatever else that you want to be protected- car, room, house, family or frriends.. you can color the light, white or blue, etc or a rainbow.

Some folks imagine the source to be their heart,, top of their head, 'third eye', chakkras, etc..

I prefer to be alone most of the time.. too painful to be around others, in every way. it is very rude to hang up on people.. now, if the drama gets too deep I do it anyway.

Hi Diane, thanks so much for that visualization. My massage therapist suggests that I imagine the waves of the ocean carrying away my troublesome thoughts. Diane, maybe you, like myself, would benefit from seeing a good psychologist? Seeing mine helps to ground me.

I, also, relish my time alone. And I finally found someone, my husband, who I feel comfortable around and he supports me emotionally.

T, it's good for us to write down our thoughts. You might want to try writing that book. I play at it. My massage therapist and psychologist encourage me to work on it.

Concerning my sessions with the massage therapist, she charges $60 for 45 minutes. This, thankfully, is half of the cost I use to pay to a neuromuscular massage therapist off and on for a few years. My present massage therapist is benefiting me much more.

Glad you're feeling better. Wonderful that you're doing well on Cymbalta. It didn't work for me. It didn't help my pain or energy level and it made me feel emotionally numb. Glad it's working for you. And, yes, good luck and have fun!

Hi Diane,

Wow, that was a close call. That's wonderful how much your meditation can help you.

Concerning having professional counseling, it would be beneficial to call and find out if the therapist is knowledgeable about fibromyalgia. My psychologist has helped me a great deal.

Wondering, Diane, if you too might have PTSD like myself? Having it certainly numbs your feelings.

Yesterday one of my elderly neighbors called me. She's very frail and she needed to talk to someone. I was able to sit with her for about 30 minutes. Then I started getting sore and I had to excuse myself.

For me, it's so much more comfortable to be in my own home where I can have total control to prevent worsening pain and fatigue.

Hi Mel,

Thanks for your reply. I'm a moon goddess too. Maybe being like this isn't such a problem, Mel.

Here's a link to an article that talks about the pluses and minuses. I think I'd rather be like I am than lean into the opposite direction.

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2010/03/28/5-gifts-of-being-highly-sensitive/

Mel, let us know if the article helps you to recognize more of the positives you and your daughter have when it comes to being an empath.

Thanks for sharing that, Diane. We do come to realize things slowly. A couple nights ago I had a dream that reminded me of a time I had to be dishonest, which I normally am not, with an abusive person in my life.

I talked about it with my husband the next morning and he said I did the right thing. It's nice to purge those feelings that are lurking around in my subconscious.

What is helping me also is trying to get out more and connecting with people other than my husband. Going to church and attending a church event now and then is helping that. At first it was difficult, because how to "not" explain my shortcomings when I needed to say something about my limitations. Out of all of the church folk, we met a couple who we click with and we have been getting together now and then. It's really nice and it's helping build my confidence.

We need to stretch ourselves slowly. It would have been much harder to do without the therapy sessions I've been attending.

Diane, I think it's too difficult being alone. There's too much time to think… Too much time to worry. And it's wonderful to laugh now and then.

We all have issues of people who do not get it..being an empath i have always listened to my friends on health issues..and have had them be rude if i even mentioned feeling achy..

They are generally nice people , but it all needs to be about them.

I had a sibling who always thought i was just dramatic about pain, and worked against me in our family , in a back stabbing kind of way..

So i tend to not trust people either..my hubby i trust and one daughter is like a special angel to me..she has taught me most in life about love ..she says i taught her , but i think she taught me : )

I had fibro symptoms my whole life , but was diagnosed in my 30's

I always had a deep need for alone time..to just shut out the world ..quiet the brain..i used to love to take one day a month when i worked full time...and just lay in a darkened room in quiet and relax..taking that time , i could go back into everything in peace..

Wishing all some peace this thanksgiving 🍁🍂🍁🍂🍁🍂🍁🍂

My friends, i just take them as they are that day...