Feeling down and frustrated...

I am feeling really down and frustrated today. I was doing some cleaning today, and I only got one room completely done before exhaustion hit me hard. I am sitting here typing this, in pain and really exhausted. I feel so worthless. I try to do the things that need to be done, but I just can't. I mean, I feel accomplished that I got my son's room clean, and I made a little bit of progress in the living room and dining room, but I want to be able to get it all done without feeling like I am going to collapse. It is just so frustrating. I just don't know what to do. I feel so helpless, and I feel like such a burden on my husband. I feel like the reason he isn't trying harder (he does try) to get a job is because he is worried about the effect taking care of my son all day is going to have on me. I really don't have many people who can help me. My sister has two kids, and I have to ask her like a day or two in advance to help me out. My mom works really hard. My grandma lives out of town, and my son is too heavy now for her to lift, even though she does play with him and rock him and stuff. My dad lives out of state. My step-dad isn't even an option. His mom would only be an option if I could pay her, and we are broke.

I just don't know what to do. I feel like crying. I feel like running away. I feel like everyone would be better off if I wasn't such a burden to them. But I love my son, and I try my best to take care of him and keep the house clean. It is just so hard.

Sorry this was kind of long. I really needed to vent a little. Thanks for letting me get this out.

If your husband doesn't have a job, is he pitching in and helping you with the house?  That would only seem fair.  Actually, if he did find a job quickly, you would have less stress so you would have less pain.  So, don't be so hard on yourself and so easy on your husband.

With fibro, you have to learn to pace yourself.  The work will get done but not in the time frame you want it done.  I only can do manual labor for a little bit and I always do it in the morning.  That is when I have the most energy.  I will sweep and mop the floors one day, dust and vacuum the next day, clean the bathrooms the third day, etc.  It all gets done eventually.  If hubby complains, hand him the vacuum.  He is capable of pushing it...probably better than you with the muscle pain you have.  But, I think you've got the picture.

Be sure to take some time for yourself.  I know it isn't easy having a baby on top of fibro, but many here have done it.  My children were 13, 10, and 9 years old when fibromyalgia struck.  I didn't have to deal with babies.  We just had a new member join us that has 10 children!  It's amazing what the human spirit can do when it needs to.

So, the bottom line is, you are not a burden to anyone.  You need to just pace yourself and not try to do all that you used to be able to do.  I hope this helps and I hope your husband finds a job soon.  I think that is taking a toll on you.

Sherrine

Thanks everyone for your replies. And thank you for your prayers, Austen. I suffer from OCD, and when my house is a mess, it drives me crazy. My husband does help, but not as much as I would like him to. He says he will do the dishes one day, and two days later, they still aren't done. He helps me out a lot with our baby. And I am really thankful for that.

Things are really hard. It's hard not to be tough on myself because I have low self-esteem. I always have. I feel like I need to be supermom, and I just can't. And it makes me really depressed. It bothers me that I just can't get even the simplest of tasks done without feel exhausted.

There are so many stressors in my life. I try not to focus on them because I know that more stress brings more pain. Sometimes, though, it all hits me at once, and I get really anxious, and I just want to get everything done. I want everything to just fall into place, and I know that it won't.

I really appreciate everyone's encouragement. It always helps to know that there are others out there to just listen.

That is the only good thing that has come from me getting fibro, I'm learning to live life without being a perfectionist.

You said you could only carry your baby around for a short time, there are mothers out there that wish they could hold their babies in their arms for a little while. 

Your baby isn't keeping track of how long you can hold him, as long as your interacting with him and he is touching you in some way he will be happy and healthy.

Relax, it takes time to adjust and figure out how to live your new life with fibro but there are many young mothers on here doing it and they will help you.

luv and hugs

Marlee