Still the same

Hi everyone,
I haven't posted in a long time but I need to today.
I have been having a really hard time. If you've read my posts you know my story and that I'm In kind of a crappy situation. Recently I had some problems at the pain clinic I go to which resulted in me having to call administration because I am so tired of being kicked around by these so called doctors.

The one nurse I have seen twice treated me like I was a piece of garbage and didn't even care what happened to me. She really should not even be a nurse. I told her about my flare ups and how bad they are. They make me feel       because the pain is so bad that I can't escape it an nothing helps. I asked her if there was anything I could do, a medication, that I could take during these episodes to help me through them. She ignored my question.

She left the room and came back and I asked her again about the flare-ups.( I thought I did a pretty good job of calmly but firmly explaining them to her as I had been up the night before trying to figure out how to relay this to her and not sound crazy but let her know that I really needed help.

She gave me two scripts for things we already discussed...that medicaid does not cover and a fibromyalgia pamphlet that advertised the medicine that I can't get!!! That was an insult to me. I asked her once again about the flare ups and what OI should do. She snottily told me "We don't give patients medication to make them unconscious" and that was that.

when I had to see her again She didn't remember me and asked me how the two scripts were helping me!!! I could do nothing more than sit there, looking at the wall because if I looked at her I was going to jump on her and go to jail. I asked her if she remembered me.She did not.

After this my primary told me to call and tell them that I wanted to see a doctor because I have been there three times and have only seen nurses. That was a huge ordeal and the receptionist told me I Was not allowed to see anyone else but this nurse. I know this is not true and I fought her on this and she finally made me an appointment with someone else and told me "You are going to HATE her more than the other one." I was so mad I called administration and told them I wanted something done.

The woman in administration I spoke with was very nice but she did tell me flat out that because i am on medicaid, and they pay for nothing, I won't be able to get any beneficial treatments for my pain. I told her, and she agreed, that even if this is so I should not have to be treated like that.

This has been going on for most of my life and I always knew it was because of medicaid. I just never had a person in a position such as hers (head of nursing practices) Tell me that in such a matter-of-fact way. I thanked her for being honest but I really feel like I don't see any point in trying anymore.

I have exhausted all my possibilities as far as I can see and all of my energy. I'm very low right now and feeling like nothing really matters.

My attempts at starting my own business never get off the ground regardless of how much work I put in. I can hardly function at my job anymore. I can't sleep. The pain is so bad that I want to destroy things...anything...and my shrink is a moron.

I have no idea what to do next. I have already gone to school, got a degree,but It's getting to the point where I can't do that work anymore. I have been playing phone tag with a case worker for two weeks now. I have conflicting letters from disability. One says I am ok, the other says they are cutting me off...there are five of these letters and no reply from the person I was told to call. I had to write a letter to the office asking for them to explain. Sent it last week.. still no reply.

I live in limbo. I would really like to be able to see the positive side of any of this never ending bull crap!!!!!

So what are people supposed to do? They have basically told me over and over that I don't matter.

Post Edited By Moderator (Sherrine) : 12/8/2008 3:37:54 PM (GMT-7)

Sherrine is right. I can feel a lot of anger coming from your post and these emotions will only make you feel worse. You need to find a doctor who cares. And not a nurse practitioner. I had one once and never did see the doctor that I was suppose to see.

I know that this is so frustrating to you. I hope that things work out, but in the meantime, try to calm down and relax. Like Sherrine said. Practice the deep breathing and maybe some meditation. Get yourself in another frame of mind.

I hope that you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen

Thanks everyone. And your right...I am angry. VERY angry, sad, tired and depressed. I have tried the magnesium and haven't noticed anything yet. It might take a long time. I try so hard and I try to look at the good. I write gratitude lists and all that. Sometimes I feel like I am just being rolled over by a dumptruck!

I have been trying to figure out ways to make my life the way I need it to be because I'm not like the general population and I need to take care of me. Nobody else can. I need to stop thinking about how other people see me...do they think I'm lazy, stupid, etc. The main thing I cannot live with is someone thinking I am lazy. I just can't and I will bust my butt to prove it and pay for weeks after.

Today I stayed home from work and I feel mentally ok. My job is causing me so much more pain and stress and while I'm on disability I can't survive on it. I try to make money here there and everywhere but it's hard.
I am under stress at work because I work as a part time nature educator for a parks and rec dept. and my job is always the one that money gets cut from. Its a well known "fact" there that the nature program makes no money and doesn't count. My boss loves to brag about all the nature related things we have but does absolutely nothing to help my programs?????? She wants me to do all this extra stuff yet the board just cut my budget line by 2 grand. She didn't try to fight for it. She is the director AND on the board!

Being a naturalist is so much more than a job to me, it is a part of me. It is in everything I do. It is in my art, It is on my walls, it's probably even in my purse somewhere!!! I went to school for it. i fought through so much to get my degree. I love nature and I love learning it and teaching it but I feel like this job just kills it for me sometimes. It is so important to me and I hate it when my coworkers don't even try to understand. I could be doing a nature program and having one of the other women "helping" me and they will tell the kids "EEEEEWWWWW" that's gross" Or "toads give you warts" Its all a joke to them. My boss was once heard saying that she would like to fill in our pond and build a skate boarding park!

They offer no incentive, constantly take things away and then my boss says I have to do MORE! If I do a nature program it has to be on a saturday. there is planning and loading stuff and all that and I get my regular wage of 9 dollars per hour. Its just not worth it.
I want to work for myself and I am trying. Its just tough when you never know how your going to feel in an hour.

My boss has no idea what I am capable of because she never even pays attention to what I do. Just says do more!
Anyway...thanks for your posts. I know you care. I can tell. As far as the emergency room. I have gone before. Please don't be surprised when I tell you that the doctor handed me a dictionary and had me look up the word "anxiety" I was so insulted...after waiting for hours to be seen and in pain he handed me that dictionary and told me to look up a word. i will never forget it.

I agree with the Canada thing. Canadians have the right Idea with the Universal Health Insurance but The American Govt couldn't possibly take a lesson from someone else now could they??? Why they keep trying to breath life back into this already dead and decaying beast called "Healthcare" I will never understand. Just out of curiosity, are the doctors different in Canada. I mean is there a lot of this rudeness and coldness? I'm sure not the only one who has this happen. There are a lot of people here that have horror stories.