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Cancelling My Trip

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Posted 7/11/2009 1:52 PM (GMT 0)
I want to post here because you guys may be the only ones that can understand.

I live in central PA, my daughter lives in central CA. I try to visit her every year.She comes at Christmas and is planning on visiting in September. I am booked to go this Wednesday, staying for five days. Here's the issue. This trip is always three flights out, three flights back. The return is a redeye. I don't sleep too well on planes. And the last few trips have had issues: delays, cancellations, etc. that made the situation even worse.

The reason I wanted to go was for my grandson's first birthday party. This is a big party - 50 people coming, lots of wee ones. It will go long into the night as it's a beer fest (dad made his first brew)/pig roast. As much as I would like to be there, I don't know if I can handle this. Without some quiet time every evening and sufficient rest, I risk a major flare and frankly, with all of this, I'm a bit worried. I'm still recovering from the last major flare, thought I'd be farther along than I am. Also, I'm scheduled to start a new PT job the week after I return.

I told her yesterday I may cancel. Her suggestion was for me to get a hotel for the night of the party and leave when I need to. I could do that.

I want to go, but I don't want to go! rolleyes Whaddya all think?

Bella
Posted 7/11/2009 2:02 PM (GMT 0)
My advice might be selfless... I love to do family events even if I pay for it later. My views are "Never let your condition dictate your activities". So I just try and make it easier on myself. Anyway Anyhow.

Your daughter had a great idea about getting a hotel. In your post it seems you really really want to go. Its a big effort on your part. You know your body more than anyone else. Will the rest at the hotel be enough? Are you on pain meds? If so you can set a schedule with taking them to help you though the rough parts. Possible naps when there is time?

Sorry for so little of advice but I couldn't just let your post sit there.

I go through the same thought process everytime I have something planned.

I wish you well
Laurie
Posted 7/11/2009 2:42 PM (GMT 0)
Oh Bella, I feel your indecision. I know about traveling like that. I don't suppose you could fly 1st class for at least the longest leg? Pain meds are going to be real important, as long as you don't get to foggy and can't find your next plane-LOL. I would also ask for a handicap seat, they are the bulkheads. Travel pillows are great on planes, I also use something to put my feet on, especially in a HC seat. Packing light is a must of course.

I made my 1st solo trip in March. I survived, but didn't have the plane changes that you do.
Whatever you decide to do, it will be the right decision for you. Good Luck!!
Posted 7/11/2009 3:03 PM (GMT 0)
Normally I would say "Go for it" but since you have all those flights and start a new part time job the day after you return, I would second thoughts about it too.  I think you would be absolutely exhausted because of the travel and the party.  You always try to pack in as much time with family on these short trips so you don't get the rest you need.

 

Traveling is difficult.  Hauling luggage, standing in lines, flight delays, etc. for a five day trip seems too much to me.  Two of the days will be travel days.  Whenever I travel to my children's home, I stay two weeks.  It makes the trip worth it.

 

I know this is a difficult decision for you.  It's too bad your job doesn't start a week later.  Perhaps try making a pro and con list and see which is longer for you.  That might give you  your answer.  But, if you decide to go, make arrangements for wheelchairs for all flights.  They will get you to your next flight and you won't be carrying your carry-on.  That would help you a lot.  Have a wheelchair for your arriving flight and your family can get you out to the car...or a porter, for that matter.  That would only cost you a few dollars and be well worth it.  It would be easier on the muscles and the fatigue.

 

Let us know what you decide.

 

Sherrine

Posted 7/11/2009 3:32 PM (GMT 0)
If you do decide to go ... during the party you can go to one of the bedrooms. Close the door and lie down for a while. Use the TV for "white noise" if there is one.

Works well for me - I don't want til I feel totally drained or stressed out from all the noise etc. Once you've had a chance to rest a bit, you may feel up to socializing some more. My family is understanding of my low energy state and taking a time-out has never caused any problems.
Posted 7/11/2009 4:29 PM (GMT 0)
I actually don't start the new job til the following week, sorry for the misconception. So that, other than the anticipation of beginning again, is not too much of a factor.

Yes, I could go to a back BR and rest as long as the party goers aren't too rambunctious. I probably will give it a go. fibro has changed my life enough already; I hate to get to the point that I won't do anything. Maybe get to my dr. and get pain meds; tylenol just isn't working well anymore. If I use something before the pain/anxiety gets too bad, maybe I will survive this better. I did buy some new travel pillows - one for my neck and one for my lower back.

Thanks for the suggestions and input.
Posted 7/11/2009 4:57 PM (GMT 0)
hi bella,
I feel for you so much. It's hard to make this decision and i bet you'd love to go. Us fibromites need one of those beams from startrek to get us around...wishful thinking eh?

All i can say is, my best friends hen weekend(batchelorette party, i think ye call them), was in brussels(had to fly and two long bus journeys either side) and i wasn't going to go.

A weekend of late nights and drinking didn't appeal to me. She was upset but tried to understand. I finally did decide to go, but, i said i didn't want to attract attention to myself by leaving clubs early etc so i sorted it all out with her beforehand. If anyone asked of my whereabouts she said i was just tired. I was only 29 at the time!

I really took it easy and stayed up late on one night. I also took 3 extra days off work when i came back to get over it. I was pleasently surprised how well it went and i didn't need much recovery time at all.

Ultimately, the decision is yours, i think to hotel idea is great, it's sometime i do now if i'm going to scotland as the boat times are bad and there's nighttime driving involved.

I hope you have a great time if you do go.
Take care, boo
Posted 7/11/2009 4:59 PM (GMT 0)
In that case, I would go!  You will have time to rest before the start of your new job.  But, there are some good suggestions that were offered to help your trip be less painful and stressful.

 

Again, let us know what you decide.

 

Sherrine

Posted 7/11/2009 5:03 PM (GMT 0)
forgot to add, i had an absolute ball and Belgium was so sceanic i'd really have missed a good trip.
Posted 7/11/2009 5:49 PM (GMT 0)
Ok, I've really stepped out of the box! Since this plane ticket was free (frequent flyer miles) I decided to go to a B&B with a pool for two nights not too far from my daughter's. Included in the price is a 1/2 hr. massage each day. They offer various spa and health treatments, and in speaking with the owner, I mentioned I had fibro. He said he was diagnosed himself in 1997 and has been in remission since 2000. He assured me we would talk about it all when I came. He also asked if I was taking lots of acidophilus. Apparently that has helped him. This may be a very interesting trip.

And my DD is somewhat relieved that they won't have to worry about noise from the party people. NOW, she tells me that some folks are camping in tents and one is even bringing a trailer! Bedlam! I am so glad I will be able to leave when I hit "that certain point."

ETA: This new job better work out because that's what will be paying for this. smilewinkgrin
Posted 7/11/2009 6:44 PM (GMT 0)
I live in CA and my family is in northeast PA. I know all about those three-legged 15 hour trips. I had to do it 5 times last year when my mother was ill. It's horrible. It takes me a good two weeks to recover once I'm back home. The short 5-day turn-arounds are really rough because there's not enough time to rest in between. My last trip was two weeks. That was't quite as bad because I'd had time to recup before the return flight.

If there's any way you can do first class, (frequent flyer miles??) that is a little better. And I always request an aisle seat so I can stand up easily to stretch a bit. I used to carry on all my luggage but these days I check my bag. It's a risk since the airlines are so good at losing luggage but it's so much easier to not have a heavy bag to schlep around during those layovers.

I totally understand your fear. But which would you regret more? The physical discomfort of making the trip, or missing your grandson's first birthday?

I hope you will go. And I hope it won't be as bad as you think.

{{gentle hugs}}
Posted 7/11/2009 6:57 PM (GMT 0)
Wow, a bed and breakfast. By staying there you can avoid helping out for the party. Massages, hot tub, some one else cooking, what a way to enjoy your grand baby's birthday. You can turn this into an annual event.

Donnaeil
Posted 7/11/2009 7:05 PM (GMT 0)
Yeah, donnaeil, I feel a bit guilty about not being there every minute, but I'll being staying with DD the other three nights and will help with whatever she needs.

crazyoldcatlady, I feel your pain! It's all I can do to think about this once a year. I don't think I can do the first class, not enough miles. Staying longer really drives me nuts. I don't like staying at anyone's house, even my kids; five days is usually my limit. Once I booked a vacation house at the beach for a whole week and left a day early. IDK, maybe I just can't relax well when not at my own home.
Posted 7/11/2009 8:36 PM (GMT 0)
Wow, Bella-it sounds like your trip might turn out to be a very good one! Don't feel guilty for not being at your daughter's every minute of your trip..you need to take care of yourself, too, while you're there! I'm sure she will understand.

Please let us know what this man has to tell you about Fibro...symptom free for 9 years? Sounds like heaven!
Posted 7/12/2009 4:03 AM (GMT 0)
Bella, remember to rest before you start to hurt and not to wait until you do.
I hope you have a lovely time.
Sue
Posted 7/12/2009 12:00 PM (GMT 0)
Sleepybug, I will share what advice he (and his wife) dispense. You know, I'm kinda amazed at how this happened. I was only looking for a place - any B&B - that had reasonable prices and availability. Somewhat hard to find in CA right now. The fact that this is billed as a spa resort really caught my attention, too. Later, after booking, I start looking around the website and find both husband and wife have been diagnosed with fibro, she with CFS also. They've gotten all sorts of education and are offering nutritional, exercise and education in chronic health problems, particularly FMS and CFS. I think I know where they will go with it because the site mentions candidiasis and serves wheat-free. There are quite a few docs that believe fibro is candida-based, with the candida having overrun the immune system so it cannot properly function. So their viewpoint should be interesting. The way this all happened is sending me a message, LISTEN, PLEASE.
Posted 7/12/2009 2:02 PM (GMT 0)
It sounds like you have it all worked out Bella and it should be fun. When it comes to our children and grandchildren we can become superwomen.

 

We are taking a two week vacation and I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to get everything done before we go, my DH kinda sprung this on me. I still have three grandchildren to keep a couple days each and have to rest the day after they leave. I have list made of things to do but don't know when I'm going to get to them. Some how it always seems to get done though.

 

We are going to Montana where my DH is from and we use to stay with my SIL when we visited. After I got fibro staying there become a problem cause I wasn't getting enough rest and with all my digestive problems I didn't feel relaxed in someone elses home so we started staying in a motel not too far from her house. I think she was insulted at first but now she understands my problems better so I hope there isn't any hard feelings this time when we go to a motel. We have to look out for ourselves and do what is best for us when we travel in order to enjoy it.

 

luv and hugs

Marlee

 

 

 

 

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