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I am losing it!

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Posted 10/13/2009 4:54 AM (GMT 0)
I am losing it!  This flare is depressing me. I usually consider myself as a positive person

and normally get through flares ok, but this one has me bogged down. I have been

feeling overwhelmed with pain and fatigue. Insomnia has kicked in big time! It's as though

all my illnesses have decided to gang up on me at once and flare at the same time.

I don't feel emotionally strong. I have been having alot of good cries lately. It does feel

good to get it all out. Worrying about my scleroderma, serves no purpose but lately I

have been thinking about the progression of my MCTD and it does scare me. Living with

Fibromyalgia challenges us daily. We are strong, even when we feel weak!

Coming to the forum to try to help others, helps me cope.  I know this flare will pass!

Thanks for letting me vent,

Robin

 

Posted 10/13/2009 9:31 AM (GMT 0)
HI Robin, vent away! Whenever I read your posts, I always think, 'Now, there goes a strong person." That said... it gets so tiring being strong sometimes, doesn't it? I don't know what I would have done over the last six months without this forum, being new to fibro. There are no support groups where I live and, though I talk about things with my sister who has fibro, it is not the same kind of atmosphere as here and I can't be so open about personal things.

Fear and worry can be crippling - living with the unknown hanging over us. Whenever I get scared about the future, which is not a normal state for me, I know that I am overtired and need to rest more. All your illnesses ganging up are telling you, forcing you, to find a way to take it easier for a bit. The catch-22 is that getting enough rest is very hard due to the fibro. Once I get my equilibrium back, I can see the future as an adventure. I remind myself daily that the things I know were once unknown, and the great reward of knowledge lies in the unknown. (((Robin))) Hang in there!!

Littleneck
Posted 10/13/2009 11:48 AM (GMT 0)

Hi Robin...so sorry you are suffering.  It is difficult when the entire 'pile' of disorders gang up on us and we try to keep on, keep on.  You, my dear, are an inspiration for me and a wonderful asset to this forum.  I can only pray that you feel better soon and wish I could wave a wand over your head and 'poof'...all gone pain!

many huggies

Donna

Posted 10/13/2009 12:50 PM (GMT 0)
Robin we are only human and when it all hits us at once it does weaken us for a short time. Then we regain strength and are ready to fight again.

 

No one knows what this is like but us fibromites. That's why this forum is so great, we all understand each other completely.

 

I hope this flare passes quickly.

 

luv and hugs

Marlee

 

 

Posted 10/13/2009 4:45 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you Littleneck, Donna, and Marlee for your kind words and encouragement!

My illnesses make me feel emotionally weak at times and I find that I cannot cope.

Before my dxs, I always considered myself a pretty resilient person. I learned to cope

at an early age out of necessity.

Chronic pain as we know is so overwhelming at times. I am always fighting to be strong

and it takes so much energy to keep my inner peace. When I do lose my inner peace,

anger and helplessness creep in and I end up attending my own pity party.

I awoke this morning still hurting but with a renewed sense of fight. I will not leave my

illneses win. Yes I am mad as hell that I have these stupid illnesses but I refuse to let

them take my essance of who I am, I am still me!

Thanks again for the opportunity to rant.  I love this forum  :-)

Robin

Posted 10/13/2009 7:40 PM (GMT 0)
Robin, I think all of the ppl here are really very strong ppl. We all have chronic pain, fatigue, sleep issues, and then so many other  things to throw into the mix. I think we all feel 'weak' at sometime in our lives. But I also think this is when we are showing strength and trust and faith, we are asking others for help. Most of us have always been the type to just do what had to be done, didn't wait for help, just plowed right in. I believe this DD and all the other DD's help us see how interconnected we really are to others. We all need each other. We each have a time in our lives to share our strength w/ others, then also to accept someone else's strength when we are low. We put our faith in each other here to understand and show compassion, and in doing that we find our 'footing' again.

I know it feels good when we can help others, and we are saddened when we are down, but we all need to let that 'excess' steam out. It doesn't mean we are 'weak', but human. I have never liked to cry at bad times, I thought it made me weak. It is still tough for me, but I need that release - I guess everyone does. We let it out in a safe place, HERE, and we are better able to face the rest of the day.

I think we should pick one day and have a massive 'pity party blowout', we can have little party hats, horns, goody-bags, balloons. lol  We can all be together and that should lighten our mood. :-)

Having a good cry, isn't weak, but shows good sense. JMHO. Hope you are feeling better.

God bless.  Alice.

 

Posted 10/13/2009 8:09 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you Alice. You are a very wise soul and are able to clearly see things from all

perspectives. We all handle pain and issues in our own way and like you said it takes

strength to ask for help. I am not always good at asking. All the jobs, I have had in the

past were the role of the caregiver. I love to help others but I should allow others to help

me sometime. I loved your idea about" having a pity party blowout".

This forum has so many wonderful people, all unique with their own set of circumstances,

and I agree with you that everyone here are really very strong people.

God bless you too Alice

Robin

Posted 10/13/2009 9:07 PM (GMT 0)
Robin, I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time but I'm glad you are venting and crying.  That is extremely healthy and will release the stress we build up.  You are dealing with several illnesses, not only fibromyalgia, and you are amazing as to how you are handling all of this!  I am in awe of you. 

 

We all go through times like this and sometimes doubts enter our minds as to whether or not we can really handle things.  THAT's when I really lean on God and He has gotten me over those humps and back on my feet.  We really are amazing pieces of work and are capable of more than we can even imagine.  Soon, you will be back on your feet and this will time will only be a bad memory.  You are definitely in my prayers.

 

Sherrine

Posted 10/13/2009 10:14 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you Sherrine. My faith in God is what sustains me. Everyday I keep all of us in

my prayers. My hope is that we all can live the best life possible despite our illnesses.

Thank you for everything you do to keep this forum running smoothly.

Robin

Posted 10/13/2009 11:12 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Robin!

First how about a nice warm and gentle hug? ((((Robin)))) Ahhh, that makes me feel better too.

I understand the worrying part. It's one of my worst enemies. It wastes energy and sends my pain level up. It's always been my nature to worry and it's hard to stop. Have you spoken to your doctor about this flair? Maybe there's something he/she can do or suggest. For the longest time I never understood what 'flair' meant since I hurt so bad all of the time. I didn't think the pain could or would get worse on a constant basis. But finally it did and it's just awful.

And the other part I understand is taking my mind off my pain by helping others. I too come here daily to focus on others problems and see if I can help or even offer support so they can make it through the day. I have always been someone who volunteers or just gets in and tries to help others...sounds like you're that way too. I really does help. I'll say an extra prayer for you tonight and will ask for relief and peace in your life.

Hugs,
Chutzie
Posted 10/14/2009 12:28 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Chutzie for the big warm gentle hug, it felt good! I appreciate your kind words

and prayers. Thank you for doing the daily Koffee Klatch. I love it!!!

My next rhuemy appointment is in three weeks but I am going to see my PCP tomorrow.

She is great and works well with my rheumy to provide treatment.

I am quite sure that this cold, damp and rainy weather is what brought on these flares

and a miserable cold. I am immunosupressed because of a medication I am on so I am

an easy target for infection. The rain is supposed to end on Friday, YIPPEE !

I haven't exercised as much and that has always helped with the stress, still doing

the deep breathing relaxation exercises. You are definately right about the worrying,

it is a waste of energy.

Hugs

Robin

 

Post Edited (crazykitty) : 10/13/2009 6:38:56 PM (GMT-6)

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